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This article was co-written by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a licensed professional counselor and founder and chief executive officer of The Counseling Hub, LLC – group counseling service in Cpumbia, Missouri. She is also the founder and business consultant of Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC – a consulting service for therapy owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method in relationship therapy for couples on the verge of divorce because of conflict or disconnection. Vossenkemper holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Missouri, Saint Louis, a master’s degree in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in psychology with a major in Educational Supervision and Counseling from the university. Missouri, Saint Louis. She also completed Level 3 training of the Gottman Method in couples therapy and received training in pre-marital couple counseling and PREP methods in couples counseling.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,546 times.
When you know your boyfriend is watching porn, you can get upset, angry, feel betrayed, and lose confidence. Your feelings are completely normal, and you are certainly not alone. There are many reasons why your boyfriend would watch porn, and he may be willing to change the habit if that’s the last thing you want. We’re here to help you figure out why your boyfriend is watching porn and give you some suggestions for telling him about it.
Steps
Why does your boyfriend watch porn?
- When you know your boyfriend is watching porn, you may feel a lack of confidence. Your boyfriend doesn’t understand how you feel, but he can if you talk to him. [2] X Research Source
- Experts estimate that 60-70% of men regularly watch porn. [3] X Research Sources
- You should respect your boyfriend’s need to masturbate because it’s completely normal and healthy for him to do so. He can also be content to masturbate without sex.
- You can ask your boyfriend to use sexy pictures or videos of you for self-gratification, or you can text each other sexually.
- In this case, you can help your boyfriend feel less lonely by spending more time with him via video call or helping him find other hobbies.
- In general, guys who watch porn don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. [8] X Research Sources However, porn can be a form of deception if you feel that way. In this case, you’ll need to talk to him to be able to draw the line in this. [9] X Research Source
- He has no interest in having sex with you.
- He asks you to follow the sex scenes.
- He neglects work and responsibilities.
- He sees sex movies as a coping mechanism.
- He spends a lot of money on sex movies.
- He can’t stop watching porn.
Talk to your boyfriend about sex movies
- It may also be helpful to confide in a close friend who is supportive of you.
- “I saw a sex video in your browser history yesterday. I hope we can talk. I don’t know if you watch a lot of porn and why do you like watching it?”
- “Man, I have never talked about my habit of watching porn. I haven’t watched porn in a long time. Do you watch it?”
- “I was shocked when I saw porn on your phone yesterday because I thought you stopped watching porn when we were together. I know it’s not fair to you if I figure it out myself. Can we talk?”
- “When I see you watching porn, I think about my shortcomings. I wonder if you want to see women with bigger breasts or no stretch marks.”
- “I feel betrayed when I know you watch porn. For you, it’s a lie because I find pleasure in a place without you.”
- “I know a lot of people like to watch porn, but it annoys me.”
- “I don’t understand you need porn to masturbate. Would you be willing to try another way?’
- “I am very upset because you watch porn. Can you change your habits now that we’re in love?”
- “I don’t like you looking at other women, so I really want you to stop watching porn.”
- “I am very upset about this. Can you stop watching porn for our relationship?”
- Your boyfriend may not stop watching porn, and that’s his choice. If he moves on, you may have to reconsider whether this is a roadblock in your relationship.
Advice
- Your boyfriend is the only one who can tell you why he watches porn, so it helps if you talk to him about it.
- If you feel comfortable, consider watching porn with your boyfriend. It can improve your sex life and be a good compromise. [15] X Research Source
- You can’t force your boyfriend to change, but how you feel is important. Your relationship won’t work if you can’t come to an agreement that makes both of you happy.
Warning
- Experts also debate whether pornography is harmful. However, pornography can make some people crave unrealistic love scenes, and some people become dependent on porn for sexual gratification. [16] X Research Resources If this happens, you can look to a love, marriage and family counselor for help.
- Porn can be a problem in your relationship if he lies to you or keeps secrets. In addition, it can also cause problems if he chooses to watch porn instead of having sex with you. [17] X Research Source
This article was co-written by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a licensed professional counselor and founder and chief executive officer of The Counseling Hub, LLC – group counseling service in Cpumbia, Missouri. She is also the founder and business consultant of Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC – a consulting service for therapy owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method in relationship therapy for couples on the verge of divorce because of conflict or disconnection. Vossenkemper holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Missouri, Saint Louis, a master’s degree in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in psychology with a major in Educational Supervision and Counseling from the university. Missouri, Saint Louis. She also completed Level 3 training of the Gottman Method in couples therapy and received training in pre-marital couple counseling and PREP methods in couples counseling.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,546 times.
When you know your boyfriend is watching porn, you can get upset, angry, feel betrayed, and lose confidence. Your feelings are completely normal, and you are certainly not alone. There are many reasons why your boyfriend would watch porn, and he may be willing to change the habit if that’s the last thing you want. We’re here to help you figure out why your boyfriend is watching porn and give you some suggestions for telling him about it.
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