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This article was co-written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change love and relationship habits. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology clinic.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,549 times.
You stopped all contact with a guy after breaking up, but now… you’re wondering what he’s thinking? Often the “no contact” period will make him realize how much he misses you, sometimes he will be jealous, confused, or regretful. This is a time of mixed emotions. We’ve put together a list of what a guy can feel when you shut up with him. Read on to see the reactions going through his head during this time.
Steps
At first he wouldn’t be too worried.
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For the first few days, he won’t think much of your contact. If it was he who said goodbye, he might even feel relieved at first. He may think you’re busy with work or overwhelmed with emotions, even if he dismisses his own feelings at this stage. [1] X Research Source
- This “honeymoon period” did not last long. After a few days, he will start to feel that something is wrong.
He will start to be curious about you.
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In the days that follow, he’ll start to wonder what you’re doing and why you’re so quiet. Guys often wait (or hope) that the other person will break the silence, and he will get nervous when it’s been more than a week without you calling or texting. His head will always be around with the question of what you are thinking. [2] X Research Source
- When he can’t figure out what you’re up to, he’ll start making up stories about you – that you’re meeting someone or that you’ve forgotten him.
- The less he knows about you, the more he’ll think about you during your “no contact.”
He may begin to feel fear.
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After about 2 weeks, he will start to stress because you haven’t contacted him. He’ll realize that his game of pretending to be calm and quiet doesn’t work, and you’ve definitely cut him off. He wants you to feel the same way he does, but if there’s no sign that you’re upset or that you’ve let go and moved on, he’ll be very confused. [3] X Research Sources
- After realizing this, he can change his behavior or way of thinking. There are many negative thoughts running through his head, or he will contact you first.
He’ll wonder if you miss him at all.
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He thought that you would speak first, so now he will doubt your feelings. He can always be tormented by questions like “Was I ever important to her?” or “Did this relationship ever mean anything to her?”, and he’ll start to miss you even more. He might even think further that you’re dating someone else if he doesn’t know anything about you or hasn’t seen you on social media. [4] X Research Sources
- It’s a very stressful time for him now. He’s agonizingly wondering why you didn’t respond to his texts or how you feel about him right now.
He will wonder what he did to lead to this.
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To try to understand what is going on, he may reflect and reflect on his actions. Hopefully he will eventually understand his fault in what happened instead of concluding that he was the victim. In particular, when you’re the one suggesting the breakup, he might have thoughts like:
- “What did I do to make her disappear?”
- “Where should I have had a better performance?”
- “Where should I behave differently?”
He may be struggling with a fear of attachment.
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Periods of “no contact” often have the strongest impact on commitment problems in men. On the one hand, he likes to enjoy the celibate life with no strings attached; on the other hand, he’s worried that you won’t be around when he decides to land. If he wants to get back with you, it’s going to be a tough decision because he doesn’t have much time to think. [5] X Research Sources
- He may be torn between thoughts like, “What if I don’t see her again?” and “I don’t want to lose my freedom and be emotionally attached.”
He may start to lose confidence.
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Your silence may make him doubt what he once thought he was right. He will question everything from his attractiveness and sex skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He may agonize over every little mistake he made while you were around, and thus feel even more regret and insecurity. [6] X Research Sources
- Whether he leaves you or vice versa, his confidence will still be shaken when he doesn’t hear from you.
He may feel angry or resentful.
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No one wants to be ignored, and his frustration can turn into anger. This feeling comes from a guy’s ego being touched and usually doesn’t last long, but it’s still annoying. Maybe he thinks you’re rude or fake, he might even want to confront you or get a new girlfriend to retaliate. [7] X Research Sources
- Anger will often lead to feelings of regret after a few days or weeks. It’s also a natural response to a breakup and to your partner’s silence.
- In some cases, an outburst of anger can lead him to try to beg or convince you to come back. [8] X Research Sources
He may want to meet other people.
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Maybe he’ll deal with your silence by dating someone new. He may feel angry and do it out of revenge or to ease his insecurities, but there are times when he really wants to probe his feelings and see if there’s someone else who compares to you. When he realizes that there is no one like you, he will want you back even more. [9] X Research Source
- He might also be looking for a quick love affair or a replacement if he suspects you’re dating someone else, too. The reason could be that he wants to be the “winner” in the breakup, or to prove that he’s better than his ex (even if that’s not true.)
He craves your attention.
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After many weeks, he will expect some kind of signal from you. If he hasn’t contacted you before, now is the time to start texting or trying to engage you on social media. If you contact him, he’ll be more than eager to respond, hoping you’ll reciprocate. [10] X Research Source
- He wants your attention because it will help him feel that he still has some attraction or influence on you.
- The fact that he tries to contact you regularly is a surefire sign that your “no contact” rule has worked.
He will show signs that the “no contact” rule is working.”
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A few weeks later, he would no longer appear calm. The clearest and surest sign that your silence is working is that he’s trying to get in touch with you. Maybe it’s just a simple hello, or even an offer to get back together. Other signs that your ex misses you during the “no contact” period could be: [11] X Research Source
- He asks his mutual friends about you (or they tell you he misses you).
- He is very active on social media and closely follows your profile.
- He quickly responds to your messages (if you two are in contact).
- He suddenly changes or takes care of his appearance.
- He suddenly changed his lifestyle, such as going to the gym to work out.
He will realize how much he misses you.
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Once he realizes his feelings, he might want to get back together with you. This usually happens weeks or even months after the couple has broken up. He’ll realize how much he needs you in his life, or he can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. [12] X Research Source If he wants to get back to you, he will probably:
- Say wants to start over with you.
- Tell your guy that he has changed.
- Tell him he thinks things will be different this time.
- Begging you to come back.
- Take the initiative to text you first if he hasn’t done so before.
He will fear losing you forever.
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After weeks of not getting a word from you, he may start to feel guilty for fear of losing you. He’d been hoping you’d talk to him, and now he’s realizing he’ll forever be the same old man if he sits still. He will ponder and plan to win you back if he wants you back. [13] X Research Source
- If he really cares about you and is afraid of losing you, he will contact you.
- Maybe he put off contacting for so long because he thought he could “win” you and get you to contact him first.
He may be thinking only of himself.
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If you’re a narcissist, chances are he won’t be interested in you. Maybe this guy doesn’t care how you’re feeling – he just thinks what you lost or how you got another girlfriend. Unfortunately, the “no contact” rule can’t move every man’s heart. [14] X Research Source
- If he’s really narcissistic or manipulative, it’s best to maintain the “no contact” rule for as long as possible to keep your distance from him.
He will eventually accept.
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After 30 days or so, he will finally realize the fact that everything is over. During the final phase of the “no contact” phase, he will stop communicating regularly (or stop altogether), stop being active on social media, and stop trying to “accidentally” run into you. There will be no ambiguity in this relationship anymore – the two of you are now ex. [15] X Research Source
- This can be a very sad time for both of you. He’ll be disappointed if he wants you back, and you might as well be upset that he’s officially no longer a part of your life.
- If you want to get back with him, you can text him after the no-contact period is over.
Advice
- Each guy reacts to silence in his own way. You should be open-minded and flexible to change tactics if things don’t go as expected.
- Apply the “no contact” rule if you’re in a “on-the-go” relationship where contact means you’ll get back together eventually.
- You can stop “no contact” if you feel the need to talk or express your feelings.
X
This article was co-written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change love and relationship habits. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology clinic.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,549 times.
You stopped all contact with a guy after breaking up, but now… you’re wondering what he’s thinking? Often the “no contact” period will make him realize how much he misses you, sometimes he will be jealous, confused, or regretful. This is a time of mixed emotions. We’ve put together a list of what a guy can feel when you shut up with him. Read on to see the reactions going through his head during this time.
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