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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 46,063 times.
At some point in your friendship, you’ll probably start to wonder if your best friend wants to go beyond just being friends. Although feelings can develop at any time, you can expect to see some noticeable changes in their behavior and the way they treat you. These signs can help you determine if they are romantically involved with you, or if your relationship is still maintaining a friendship level.
Steps
Notice the change in the person’s behavior
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Compare how they treat you. When the two of you go out with mutual friends, you should observe whether they treat you differently than other friends. They may be more affectionate with you, try to talk to you more, or comment on your relationship.
- When your best friend treats you the same way as other friends, it’s less likely that they’re showing you romantic feelings. A friend who treats you the same way as his ex might be concerned about this.
- This will help you determine if they’re just being friendly as they are or if they’re having feelings for you.
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Notice when you both spend more time together. It’s only natural that you guys spend a lot of time together because you’re close friends. However, you should ask yourself if everything you do together feels like a date. For example, do you two go to dinner and watch movies together? If so, is it normally just the two of you together? [1] X Research Source
- When someone starts to have feelings for another person, they will want to be around that person more. If you’ve noticed that you’re both spending more time together than usual, and these encounters are starting to make you feel like this is a date, that person may be interested in you. .
- You should also notice if they start talking about how happy they are to be alone with you. This could be their way of trying to tell you that they are looking for something more than just friendship.
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Listen to how they speak. Listen to how they talk about you to others and how they talk while talking to you. When someone is attracted to another person, they will speak in a special tone reserved for this person. They’ll probably get a little nervous around you and blush.
- Notice how much the person laughs at your jokes or at what you do. If they laugh more often than usual, it could be because they like you.
- Friends don’t feel awkward with each other, so if you start to notice that the person looks shy and bashful about a certain subject, this could be a sign that they are interested in you. . For example, they will become shy when you talk about the school dance or date you went to.
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Listen to what the person has to say. The person may try to tell you about how he feels in a subtle way. They’ll want to talk about romance or ask if you’re interested in someone. They may also try to build a deeper bond with you by asking insightful questions about your life, dreams, goals, and desires.
- Since this is your best friend, they are probably paying attention to what you have to say. But you will notice that the person starts to remember the little details about your life that they would normally forget, like when you have a test or a special date. They’ll also show you they remember them by wishing you luck or commenting on the big day coming up.
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Watch out for flirting behavior. Flirting will be a sign that the person is attracted to you, or maybe their nature is a flirt. You need to discern their flirting behavior, but you already have an advantage because you know their personalities well. You should look for signs of flirting like: [2] X Research Source
- That person often compliments you.
- They smile and stare at you when talking about you. [3] X Research Sources
- They touch their hair or face when talking to you.
- They laugh at your jokes, even if they’re not funny at all.
- The person gently teases you or playfully teases you.
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Observe how they present themselves. You may notice that they start to pay more attention to how you look when they know they’ll be seeing you. For example, the person wears a nice outfit that they know you like or does makeup and hairdo. When someone is attracted to others, they often try to show their best self. [4] X Research Sources
- If you start to notice that the person seems to spend more time with your appearance when you’re together, they’re probably paying attention to you.
Observe the person’s body language
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Watch for body language signs of attraction. When people are attracted to someone, they often show it through body language. There are quite a few different body language signs that show this, and when you notice your best friend showing them on a regular basis, it could be a clue that they like you. You should look for signs like: [5] X Research Source
- They maintain eye contact and stare at you.
- They involuntarily smile when talking to you.
- They try to get close to you by initiating physical contact.
- When the two of you talk, the toes of their feet are pointed towards you.
- They mimic your body language when you’re both talking.
- They touch their hair and face while you are talking. [6] X Research Source
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Notice the increase in physical contact. When someone notices you, they will try to actively make physical contact more often. The two of you can change from not hugging each other often to hugging each other every time you see each other. [7] X Research Sources
- The type of physical contact between the two of you can also become different. Instead of hitting your arm affectionately, they will initiate a hug. Or, they may touch your knee or arm.
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Pay attention to when they actively make physical contact. Physical contact between friends is normal and healthy, but you may start to notice that the person does it more often. They may try to show affection by hugging you, putting their arm around your shoulder, or touching your hand. [8] X Research Sources
- They may also “accidentally” touch you lightly when you’re together. This could mean that the person is nervous about initiating any kind of touch, such as a hug, but wants to be near you.
- If you feel uncomfortable with some level of touch, you should let the person know in a gentle and tactful manner.
Rate your relationship
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Identify how you feel. Do you give your best friend love or not? You should ask yourself if you would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with this person if they really like you. How you feel about your partner will influence your response to their behavior. [9] X Research Source
- If you have feelings for them, you should be honest about how you feel. If there are signs, they’re probably looking out for you, too. You can hint that you are fluttering in front of someone to see how they react, or ask if they have a crush on someone.
- For example, you could say, ” Trang, I’ve been thinking a lot about our friendship, and I think we’d make a very good couple.”
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Observe your actions. You may be sending them signals that you care about them without you even knowing it. For example, perhaps you will flirt with them, show physical affection, or open up to them more emotionally. If you don’t see your friend as a lover, you should stop these overly emotional behaviors, as they can send confusing signals to the person.
- If you are interested in them, you can continue to suggest to them that you are interested too.
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Chat with friends. Maybe you’re still confused as to whether your best friend really has feelings for you. You can chat with a good friend to ask their opinion and see if they know if the person is interested in anyone.
- You should do this carefully, you won’t want the news to reach your best friend that you’re talking behind their back. Only talk to friends you really trust who have a good view of the situation.
- You can also have a casual chat with one of his or her friends to see if your best friend has a crush on someone. You could say something like, “Hey, I see Nam doesn’t talk about Chau anymore. Do you know if he’s keeping an eye on someone else?”.
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Talk to that person. If you’re still unsure, ask them directly. This is the most reliable way to determine if the person has feelings for you, but it comes with some risks. One of them is that the person won’t want to ruin the friendship, and from there, they’ll feel uncomfortable letting you know.
- Make sure you want the relationship to turn to love before asking the question. Otherwise, it’s best to avoid asking questions and let your feelings slowly fade away. If your best friend suddenly acts or tells you, you can speak up.
- If you want to confess, say something like, “I don’t want to make you feel weird, but lately, I’ve noticed that things have changed a bit between us, and wondered if our relationship has become a reality. Is it changing or not? This will give them a chance to share how they feel.
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Approach the subject carefully. If your friend can’t open up, or says something negative like “No, are you crazy? We’re friends, that’s all,” you should stop thinking about it. You can defuse the situation by saying, “Hey, it’s okay, I’m just curious. Either way, that’s fine.”
- If your partner is afraid to tell the truth, or is struggling with their feelings, it may take a while for them to make it clear to you. Be patient and understanding, and don’t rush the friend.
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Let them know how much you value their friendship. Let them know that your friendship is important to you and that you care about them. Whether you and your best friend are a couple or not, your friendship is special and you won’t want to lose it.
- If the person has feelings for you, and you don’t have feelings for them, they may end the friendship with you. This will be painful, but they need time to process their own feelings and move on.
- Let them know you care about your relationship by saying, “Bao, your friendship means a lot to me. You’re such a great friend and I’m glad I have you in my life. I don’t have romantic feelings for you, but I hope we can still be good friends.”
Advice
- Be yourself. Don’t act differently around the person if you like them. If they like you, they will like you for who you are and you don’t have to change for them.
- Become comfortable and relaxed, no matter what. Whether you have feelings for your friend or not, it’s important to determine if your friend has feelings for you if you notice that person behaves differently to you. Let the person know that they can fully express these feelings to you.
- Try to communicate with your partner more than just chatting on Facebook or texting each other.
- Be yourself and enjoy the friendship with them.
Warning
- Don’t discuss this in a place where everyone can hear it. How you feel and what you say to each other are private and need to be talked about privately, whatever they may be. Whether you decide to stay friends or explore a deeper relationship, the two of you need to make a decision together.
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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 46,063 times.
At some point in your friendship, you’ll probably start to wonder if your best friend wants to go beyond just being friends. Although feelings can develop at any time, you can expect to see some noticeable changes in their behavior and the way they treat you. These signs can help you determine if they are romantically attracted to you, or if your relationship is still maintaining a friendship level.
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