How to Tell If You’re Gay

Sometimes you’re confused about what your sexual orientation is, but you don’t have to rush to label yourself. Gender identity is a personal matter, and you can fully explore how you feel. If you suspect you are gay, analyze your thoughts and behaviors to see if you are attracted to the opposite sex. Alternatively, you might also consider seeking out sexual experiences. If you identify as gay, be proud of who you are and come out when you feel ready.

Table of Contents

Analyze your thoughts and behaviors

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Think about how often you notice different genders. When you’re out and about, pay attention to the people who usually catch your eye. Gay people tend to pay more attention to people of the same sex as themselves, while heterosexuals tend to pay more attention to people of the opposite sex. In addition, people who are considered to be of a different sexual orientation may notice different genders depending on their preferences. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, let’s say you are a guy enjoying a day off at the beach. If you find yourself glancing at other guys in swimsuits, you probably like men.
Note that sometimes you notice people for other reasons that have nothing to do with homosexuality, such as maybe you just like their clothes.

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Notice who gets you sexually aroused. Look at photos of people who are generally considered “attractive” to see which gender makes you desirable. If it’s someone of the same sex as you, you’re probably gay. If you find yourself interested in people of different genders, you may be queer. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, you can look at photos of famous stars to see who attracts you. However, just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’re interested in having sex with them.

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Think about people you’ve liked in the past to see what gender you’re most attracted to. The people you have a crush on can tell you a lot about your sexuality. Think back to someone you’ve “liked” in the past. Note if you often develop feelings for people of the same sex as you. This could be a sign that you are queer. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, if you’re a soccer girl and you have a crush on a teammate or a girl in the Scouts, or you have a crush on your best friend, you’re probably a lesbian or a womanizer.
It’s normal to have feelings for someone of the same sex as you from time to time, even if you’re not gay. However, if you find yourself constantly fluttering around people of the same sex as you, you’re probably queer.

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Recall past relationships and how they made you feel. You can be gay even if you’ve had “straight” relationships in the past. Ask yourself if you feel attracted to that person and what kind of attraction that is. This can help you guess if you’re a queer. ^{[4] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

For example, let’s say you are a guy who has had many girlfriends. If you feel uncomfortable having physical contact with these girls, then you can’t rule out that you’re gay.
Note that you may be asexual or not ready for physical intimacy, and that’s okay no matter what you fall into. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

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Think about how often you have sexual fantasies to determine your sexual orientation. Recall the types of daydreams you’ve had. Pay attention to what you’re doing and who you’re thinking about. If you often fantasize about relationships with people of a certain gender, you are probably queer or gay. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Suppose you often think about people of the same sex as you when you masturbate. So maybe you’re gay, but it’s also possible that you’re gay or bisexual if you sometimes think of a different gender.
Think about who you most identify with in the romantic love scenes on film or TV. For example, if you are female but you identify with a male character because you want to kiss the girl in the movie, then you probably like girls.

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Don’t assume you’re gay based on the way you walk, talk, or dress. You’ve probably also heard of stereotypes about what a gay person should look like, but none of it is true. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your style, appearance, or manner of speaking. Similarly, the way you walk or dance does not indicate a homosexual person. Don’t take these stereotypes into account when figuring out your sexual orientation. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, just because you’re a man with a high-pitched voice doesn’t mean you’re gay, just as you’re a girl with short hair doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian.

Experiment with sex

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Flirt with someone you like to see how it feels. Start by complimenting someone you find attractive. If they seem comfortable, try playfully touching their arm or shoulder and listening to how you feel. ^{[7] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

You might say, “You look good in this shirt.”
If you enjoy flirting with someone of the same sex, you’re probably gay or queer.
If you feel bland or awkward, you’re probably straight (straight).

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Kiss or hold someone’s hand of the same/different sex if you feel like it. Intimate physical gestures like kissing or holding hands will help you figure out whether you like someone of the same or opposite sex as gender non-binary. Take it slow and start by holding hands first. Then try kissing them if you both seem comfortable. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Note that even if you kiss or touch someone of the same sex, it does not necessarily mean that you are gay.
Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. Use an excuse to withdraw if you suddenly feel uncomfortable, such as “Ah, I have to go get a drink” or “I’m going to go get some snacks.”

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Use protection if you decide to “go all out” with someone you like. If you want to have sex with someone, you need to use a condom or a diaphragm to prevent STIs. Regardless of the type of relationship you have, you are still at risk. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Only have sex when you really want to. Do not be impatient. Give yourself time.
Remember that even if you have had sexual experiences with someone of the same or opposite sex, you are not necessarily gay. Similarly, being in a relationship with someone of the “opposite” gender doesn’t mean you’re heterosexual.

Identify you are gay

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Accept your sexuality as part of who you are. Accepting who you are is a blessing, so be proud of yourself. Understand that you are perfect in your own way and allow yourself to be yourself. ^{[11] X Research Source}

If you’re not ready to let everyone know you’re gay, that’s okay too! You still have the right to be proud. It’s normal to be afraid, so take it slow and come out when it’s appropriate.

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Determine your sexual orientation if ready. Take the time to figure out your sexual orientation. Maybe it takes a long time, maybe you will change your mind, and this is completely normal. You may need to experiment and ask a lot of questions about your sexual orientation. When you feel ready, choose a label you’d like to give yourself. ^{[12] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

For example, you might think of yourself as gay because you’ve dated non-binary people, men and women. However, you may later realize you are gay. You can completely change your mind and re-label yourself.

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Publicize your way. There is no right or wrong way to go public with your sexual orientation. This is a private matter and you do not need to explain it to anyone. During that time, stepping out and being confident in yourself can help you feel more like yourself. When you’re ready, tell someone you trust, such as a family member, close friend or teacher, then you can gradually let your significant other know. ^{[13] X Research Source}

For example, you could start by talking to your best friend. Say, “Have you noticed that I’m all about hot guys? Because I’m gay.”
When you talk to parents, it might be helpful to cite resources for parents of queer children. You can say, “I love you, so I want to tell you something important. I’m gay and I’m proud of myself. I am very happy and look forward to one day having a lover. I hope my parents understand and support me.”
Don’t think you need to slow down when you’re ready to go public. If you want to let people know your sexual orientation, don’t hesitate to say so.
If you’re still wondering about your sexual orientation, reach out to people you know will support you. That person could be a friend, a teacher, a community leader or a mental health professional. If you live in a community where you don’t feel sympathetic, look for online resources, support groups, and forums that can help.
Coming out with sexual orientation is a long journey, not a problem you can solve in one go.

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Think if you’re queer if you feel attracted to different genders. A pansexual person will be attracted to many or all of the genders. You may not be labeled or identified as a queer. You may be confused at first when you think you are gay but then fall in love with someone of the other gender. ^{[14] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone. It just means you can like people of both sexes.
Similarly, being bisexual or bisexual doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with someone of one gender and then fall in love with someone of the other gender.
Some people say that bisexuals are “confused” or “in the midst of a change,” but this is not entirely true.

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Seek counseling from a psychologist if you are struggling with your emotions. You may experience conflicting emotions during your sexual orientation, and this is normal. But if you often feel overwhelmed with guilt, sadness or anxiety, or if you can’t find the support you need from your family or community, you can reach out to people who can help. ^{[15] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to the source} Ask your doctor for a referral to a counselor, or if you’re still in school, ask if the school offers a counseling service.

You can also find support groups online or call the LGBT psychological counseling hotline. For example, young people living in the US can call Trevor Project 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Advice

Try to spend as much time as you need to determine if you’re gay. Try dating different people and see what feels right to you.
Note that sexual orientation is different from gender identity. For example, you could be transgender but still have a “straight” sexual orientation (for example, you identify as female and are attracted to men) or gay (for example, you identify yourself as a woman). are female and feel attracted to other women). You can also be both transgender and queer. ^{[17] X Research Source}
Being gay is part of who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Some people may not understand your sexual orientation, but you are perfect in your own way. ^{[18] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}
Even if you’re not sexually active, you can still be gay. This issue just depends on your sexual orientation. ^{[19] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
You don’t need to engage in certain types of sexual activity if you don’t want to. For example, not all gay men have anal sex. You can find ways to be intimate with your partner that you’re both comfortable with. ^{[20] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

Warning

Always use protection when having sex. Remember that same-sex sex can lead to STIs just like any other form of sex.

Steps

Analyze your thoughts and behaviors

Experiment with sex

Identify you are gay

Advice

Warning

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