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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,112 times.
Loving yourself is sometimes mistaken for selfishness or arrogance. However, it is very important to mental health and is often overlooked. If you want to tell someone to love themselves, help them build self-esteem, and offer tips for keeping negative thoughts in check. Plus, explain to them how to practice loving yourself by maintaining physical and mental health.
Steps
Cultivate self-esteem
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Emphasize that they shouldn’t feel guilty about loving themselves. Some people think that loving yourself is selfish, and seeing yourself as good is arrogant. If the person you’re supporting feels guilty about self-love, emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself. [1] X Research Source
- Explain that healthy self-love involves recognizing your strengths, accepting your weaknesses, and taking pride in your accomplishments.
- Distinguish healthy self-love from bragging about your accomplishments to make others feel ashamed, which can be a sign of low self-esteem.
- Remind them that taking care of themselves is part of loving yourself. For example, taking a break from work to avoid burnout is not selfish. You need to maintain physical and mental health.
- Remind them that loving yourself is not selfish. Instead, help them understand that it’s about seeing themselves as good enough. It means loving and taking care of themselves, and that makes it easier for them to help others in need. [2] X Research Source
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Ask them to list their good qualities. Have them write down their talents, positive qualities, and interests. For example, gardening, having a sense of humour, being good at a sport. [3] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- If it’s hard for them to think of positive qualities, tell them what you admire about them. Say, “You have so many good qualities! This hardworking friend, this good tennis player, is always actively helping this family and friends.”
- Encourage them to focus on positive qualities, but don’t be bossy or give advice when not asked.
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Explain that self-esteem does not need to be based on the opinions of others. Tell the person you’re supporting that self-esteem comes from both the outside and the inside. From the outside is based on the judgment of others and is more superficial than from the inside. [4] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Tell them “Self-esteem should come from within, not from others. Instead of wanting to achieve something that others think you’re smart, work hard to achieve your personal goals or because you value knowledge.”
- Say, “There’s nothing wrong with being delighted with compliments, but don’t let other people’s judgments define who you are. Like the situation where people make fun of you because you learn the piano. You love playing the piano and you appreciate the music, so their recognition shouldn’t play any role here.”
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Remind them not to compare themselves to others. Everyone has different abilities, qualities, and passions, so let them acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses. Don’t feel frustrated with yourself because other people are good. [5] X Research Sources
- Say, “Being jealous of others or getting angry at yourself doesn’t do any good. Celebrate others because they have a talent that you admire. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to do that. Instead, remember that you have your own strengths.”
- Encourage them to do the things at hand like improving their fitness or time management skills. However, if they want to be a great gym teacher but can’t master a certain technique, say they have to accept the fact that they can’t be good at everything.
- Spending too much time on social media can create unhealthy comparisons. If necessary, tell them to limit time online. [6] X Research Source
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Encourage them to help others and volunteer for activities they enjoy. In addition to guiding them to positive thinking, encourage them to help others when possible. Helping loved ones and participating in charity work is a surefire way to gradually eliminate low self-esteem. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, they can help a friend or relative learn a certain subject or join them in decorating or repairing the house. They can also volunteer for something they enjoy, like at an animal shelter, cooking for the poor, or a youth mentoring program.
- Tell them, “It’s hard to keep negative thoughts when you’re helping others. It’s hard to convince yourself that you’re a bad person when you’re actually helping someone else have a better day.”
Fight with negative thinking
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Explain how to recognize and direct negative thoughts. Suggest they stop thinking like “I’m not good enough” or “I can never do this”. Advise them to say to themselves, “Stop it! Those are negative thoughts, there is no benefit, I can change my mind.” [8] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source
- Ask them, “Can you tell a close friend “You are a bad person” or criticize them harshly? Usually you will use a much more pleasant way of telling your friends what to do. Instead of negative thoughts, treat yourself the way you would treat your friends.” [9] X Research Source
- Suggest they replace negative thoughts with more neutral or realistic thoughts. For example, instead of “I’m stupid, I can never do well in math,” say, “This subject is hard for me, but I’ll try to do better.” This will help them gradually have more positive thoughts.
- Make sure your friend enjoys hearing tips on controlling negative thoughts. If they’re not excited, give them more time, don’t push them.
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Remind them that negative situations don’t stay there forever. Tell them that you know life’s obstacles seem unchangeable, insurmountable, and ubiquitous. Encourage them to think in a positive way instead of letting themselves get caught up in it. [10] X Research Source
- Tell them, “Thinking in absolutes and negatives is not constructive at all. Instead of thinking, “I can never do it,” say to yourself, “If I do, I can improve,” or “There are things I can’t do well, and that’s normal.” .
- Say, “Bad things seem to be everywhere, but nothing lasts forever. Think about times when you solved tough problems. Things are slowly getting better; say to yourself, “This too shall pass”.
- Encourage them by saying, “Do your best to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have overcome a lot of things, you become stronger when you conquer the past challenges.”
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Assure the person that everyone makes mistakes. Ask them to forgive themselves for their mistakes, from stupid words to intentional wrongdoing. Instead of dwelling on the past, advise them to see their mistakes as an opportunity to grow. [11] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to Source
- Many people lose sleep because of making mistakes in front of people or saying embarrassing words. If the person you are advising is wallowing in mistakes, tell them, “Everybody has done embarrassing things. You can’t change the past, try to think of it in a funny way.” [12] X Research Source
- Say, “If you mess things up or make a bad decision, don’t get lost in thinking about what you should have done. Learn from your mistakes, move forward, and try not to repeat them in the future.”
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Tell them to accept what is beyond their control. Self-acceptance can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healthy self-love. Tell them to be proud of what they’ve accomplished, strive to improve where possible, and understand that there are things beyond their capabilities. [13] X Research Source
- For example, they may criticize themselves for things within their control, like not concentrating on work or study. They can improve by spending more time studying, hiring tutors, pursuing career development opportunities, or consulting their superiors on how to be more productive.
- However, everyone has to be realistic about the limits they can control. For example, you could say, “You might feel sad because you didn’t get to play the lead role in a school play. Accordingly, this character is short, and you are too tall. Then there will be another opportunity that suits you.”
Practicing Self-Care
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Let’s talk about the importance of a strong help system. When someone feels down, loved ones help them see the bigger picture. Tell the person that friends and family will always love the person no matter what. Plus, it’s important to stay around people who are positive and supportive. [14] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- They should avoid people who tire them out or criticize them all the time. Instead, cultivate relationships with people who appreciate and encourage them.
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Give them tips for maintaining overall health. When someone loves themselves, they make an effort to take care of their health. On the contrary, feeling healthy gives them a positive self-perception, which in turn motivates them to love themselves. [15] X Research Source
- Advise them to have a healthy diet with lots of vegetables, fruits, complete proteins and whole grains.
- Suggest they exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. Forms of exercise can be brisk walking, jogging, cycling, swimming, and yoga.
- Tell them rest is important, and that they should sleep 7-9 hours a night.
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Suggest they participate in activities that make them happy. Tell them to make time for hobbies and allow themselves to be comfortable. Whether it’s reading or hiking, do whatever helps nurture self-love. [16] X Research Source
- If they say they have no hobbies or interests, suggest or remind them of their passion. For example, you could say, “I know you have a dog; You can take it to new parks or explore unfamiliar streets. Or maybe join dog training classes.”
Advice
- Always remember not to give too much advice without being asked. Don’t give orders, make sure the other person wants to listen, and hold back if they don’t seem interested.
- If the person cannot see themselves in a positive way, they may need counseling. Advise them to see a specialist if they are giving up their usual activities, are always sad, or you suspect they will hurt themselves. [17] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Tell them to think about relationships. Think about someone in their life that makes them feel down or does things that make them think negatively about themselves? If so, advise them to stay away or limit their contact time.
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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,112 times.
Loving yourself is sometimes mistaken for selfishness or arrogance. However, it is very important to mental health and is often overlooked. If you want to tell someone to love themselves, help them build self-esteem, and offer tips for keeping negative thoughts in check. Plus, explain to them how to practice loving yourself by maintaining physical and mental health.
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