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This article was co-written by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Dr. Chloe Carmichael is a licensed clinical psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City that focuses on relationship issues, stress management, and career coaching. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University and is the author of the Amazon bestseller, Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.
This article has been viewed 51,813 times.
Feeling jealous from time to time is completely natural, and can even become our motivation to strive. However, if you are often annoyed by jealousy when you see pictures of other people’s clothes, careers, or cars on social media, then this problem may need to be addressed. It is also possible that jealousy is making you paranoid and causing a lot of trouble between you and the person you love. This emotion is often not easy to control, but most of us must move forward with a feeling of security and confidence. Overcome jealousy, find a new goal and improve yourself . You can do it!
Steps
Instantly Overcome Jealousy
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Take a few deep breaths. Perhaps you find your boyfriend talking to a strange girl, or have just learned that your friend has bought the car you’ve been dreaming of. Instead of getting jealous, try to calm down. Take a deep breath through your nose for 5 seconds, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Continue breathing until you feel calm again. [1] X Research Source
- If you want to solve the problem, you should only do this when you are calm. For example, if you see your boyfriend talking to a girl, first calm down, then approach him and say hello to both of you. Maybe the other girl was just a friend or was in the same class as him.
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Avoid social media. Social media is full of pictures of people sharing life moments that make people jealous. However, maybe the girl who posts pictures of her boyfriend’s bouquets of flowers all day may be upset about love. People often just show off their glitter to show themselves in a bright light, so stay away from social media when you’re trying to control jealousy. [2] X Research Source
- If you can’t stay on social media, unfollow or unfriend people who make you feel jealous.
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Avoid being critical or sarcastic. When feelings of jealousy arise, you may spit out curse words or find ways to devalue the work of others. However, these reactions only show your lack of confidence and make others uncomfortable. Instead of being negative, compliment them or don’t comment at all. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, if your girlfriend tells you about her new co-worker one day, don’t say things like, “Ah, he’s that smart, isn’t he? Are you sure you want to hang out with him?” Let your lover freely talk about everything without fear of you reacting rudely.
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Confess how you feel if the person is your loved one. If you’ve been secretly jealous of your sibling, best friend, or partner for years, confide in them. Saying what is in your heart, you will get rid of negative feelings and dispel the heavy atmosphere. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I mean, I know I’ve been a little rough with you lately, but I’m sad because I failed the college entrance exam and you ended up being the valedictorian. I envy you because you have the life I dream of. I know this is not your fault. I wish I didn’t have that feeling.”
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Focus on what you have in common with the person you envy. Let go of your jealousy by looking at the similarities you and that person have. The more you two have in common, the less reason to be jealous! [5] X Research Sources
- For example, maybe you are jealous of your neighbor’s house because they have a nice car. But keep in mind that both live in the same neighborhood, and perhaps both houses are similar. Maybe you both go to the same school and have common friends.
Pay attention to other aspects
Identify the cause of jealousy. Understanding why you are jealous/jealous can help you overcome this feeling. Is it because you have low self-esteem and insecurities? Have you ever been betrayed? Or are you setting unrealistic expectations in the relationship? Once you’ve identified the causes, think about how to improve or fix them.
- Journaling daily is also a way for you to find the source of your jealousy.
- Specialized therapies can assist in this process. A therapist will help you find the root of the problem and overcome it.
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Praise others when they succeed. Jealousy will not bring you closer to your goal. When you see someone achieve what you want, praise them. This act of yours shows respect and humility. [6] X Research Source
- For example, if your friend has a desirable career, say, “Huong, your job looks really good. Looks like you’re often rewarded and promoted too, don’t you? You’re really good! Give me some advice.”
- If your boyfriend has been more affectionate with you lately, tell him you’re happy he’s been.
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Think about your own strengths. Instead of paying attention to what other people do, focus on yourself! Take some time to list at least three of your strengths, from how good you are at organizing and cooking to how hard you listen or work. [7] X Research Sources
- Do one thing each day that relates to your strengths to build confidence, such as cooking a delicious meal.
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Make a list of the good things that you feel lucky to have. Every morning you wake up is already a good thing. Each day, recall and think of one thing for which you are grateful. This way, you will feel less jealous because you know how to appreciate what you have. [8] X Research Sources
- Maybe you have a wonderful mother who loves and supports you, or you have passed the entrance exam to a prestigious university and will soon go to school to start realizing your dreams. Be grateful for all those good things!
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Practice meditation daily. Meditation can help clear your mind and focus on the important things. Jealousy thoughts can cloud your mind, but you can drive them away somewhat by sitting quietly in an undisturbed place every morning for at least 10 minutes. During this time, just focus on your breath and body sensations.
- If you’re new to meditation, you can download an app like Simple Habit or Calm.
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Take the decision. Let’s say you have a wealthy friend who often invites you to fancy restaurants or invites you to go on lavish trips. This can make you jealous of their money. Instead of letting jealousy control you, take back control! Choose the right restaurants, and if your budget does not allow, you can go somewhere around the area instead of traveling far. [9] X Research Source
- You might say, “Listen, Bao, I’d love to eat at a five-star restaurant with you too, but honestly it’s a bit expensive for me. If you still want your brothers and sisters to go to a restaurant once a week, can you give me priority to choose the location? I hope you understand me.”
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Distract feelings of jealousy with everyday pleasures. You won’t get a chance to be so jealous when you go out and enjoy life! Schedule an activity each day to look forward to, such as watching a favorite show, enjoying a delicious ice cream, or going shopping. Life is short, so make the most of each day!
Improve life
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Set long-term and short-term goals. Turn jealousy into motivation to improve yourself. Based on your dreams in life, create action steps to achieve those dreams. Set goals that you can achieve in the next five days and goals for you to aim for in the next five years. [10] X Research Source
- For example, maybe you are dreaming of a high paying job. As a short-term goal, try to get an A in all your subjects this semester. Your long-term goal might be to find a mentor or find an internship that’s right for your major.
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Find a fun pastime. Maybe you’re jealous because it seems like everyone around you is having fun. Create your own fun! Plan a fun weekend getaway with your lover, go to a theme park or take a walk on the beach. Do whatever brings you joy! [11] X Research Source
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Take care of yourself. When you focus on your own health, you pay less attention to the affairs of others. Build confidence by exercising at least three times per week. Eat healthy with a diet that includes vegetables, fruits, and lean meats. Make sure you get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. [12] X Research Source
- Remember to drink lots of water too!
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Be around positive people. Maybe your jealousy comes from your association with people who deliberately make you jealous. That’s not good at all. Instead of playing with negative people, spend more time with kind, sincere, and simple friends!
- Positive people are supportive, honest, kind and ready to help you. Negative people are often insulting, rebuking and draining your energy.
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Consider psychotherapy to overcome jealousy. If feelings of jealousy keep you from enjoying life, it may be time to seek outside help. There are many trained therapists to help you overcome feelings of jealousy or deprivation. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with looking for help! It will be much worse if you suffer silently. [13] X Research Source
- Search online for a local therapist. You can also ask your doctor or insurance company for a referral.
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This article was co-written by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Dr. Chloe Carmichael is a licensed clinical psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City that focuses on relationship issues, stress management, and career coaching. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University and is the author of the Amazon bestseller, Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.
This article has been viewed 51,813 times.
Feeling jealous from time to time is completely natural, and can even become our motivation to strive. However, if you are often annoyed by jealousy when you see pictures of other people’s clothes, careers, or cars on social media, then this problem may need to be addressed. It is also possible that jealousy is making you paranoid and causing a lot of trouble between you and the person you love. This emotion is often not easy to control, but most of us must move forward with a feeling of security and confidence. Overcome jealousy, find a new goal and improve yourself . You can do it!
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