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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,191 times.
Are you afraid of love? Does the thought of someone loving you scare you? Heartbreaks can keep you from wanting to love because you fear that you might get hurt again. If you’re experiencing “fear of love,” there are many steps you can take to deal with your fear. You need to identify the source of your fear, address negative thoughts, and confide your concerns to a friend or lover. Sometimes the fear of love becomes so severe that you need the help of a counselor to get over it, but first, try to face some of your fears on your own. own fear.
Steps
Understanding Fear
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Think about why you are afraid to fall in love. The first step to dealing with this problem is to identify the fear that holds you back. There are quite a few types of fear that keep someone from wanting to love or be loved. [1] X Research Source
- Examine your own feelings and try to figure out what your main concern is. What are you afraid will happen when you allow yourself to love and be loved?
- Try to write down your feelings to explore them more closely. Writing about your fear of love can help you get to the root of it, and writing can also help you process some of your feelings.
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Think about your past romantic relationships. One way you can begin to understand your fears about love is to think about your past relationships. Consider the problem that has arisen and how you contributed to it. [2] X Research Source
- What difficulties did you face in that romantic relationship? What do you argue about with your lover? If you broke up, what caused this? How did you contribute to the problem in the relationship? What thought made you react in such a way?
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Looking back at his childhood. Sometimes, experiences in childhood can contribute to our ability to love and be loved. If you’ve had a lot of difficult experiences as a child, they may cling to you as you enter an adult relationship. You should consider the things that happened to you or around you during your childhood and how they might affect your adult life. [3] X Research Sources
- When you were a child, did your family members often quarrel with each other? Have you ever felt like you were rejected or unloved by your parents? How did this experience make you feel?
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Consider a few common love fears. Many people often feel afraid to love and be loved. Feelings of fear of love often include fear of being hurt, fear of hurting others, and fear of commitment. Consider different concerns and try to determine if your feelings fit these fear patterns. [4] X Research Sources
- Fear of getting hurt If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, you’re well aware of this pain and want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. As a result, you will try to prevent yourself from falling in love to avoid experiencing this emotion.
- Fear of Hurting Others Perhaps you have hurt someone in a previous relationship, and this makes you feel guilty. As a result, you want to avoid entering another romantic relationship so you can’t hurt your partner.
- Fear of Commitment Perhaps the thought of making a lifelong commitment to only one person scares you, so you don’t want to allow yourself to be attached to someone else.
- Fear of Loss of Identity Many people think that falling in love means that they will have to give up some part of their personality, and this can be quite scary and make some people unwilling to fall in love.
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Determine if you think you deserve to be loved. Many people find it difficult to love and accept love because they think that they are not cute or worthy of being loved. This belief can be formed from feelings of abandonment, rejection in childhood, or other experiences that made you feel unworthy of love. Think about whether you feel that you deserve to be loved. [5] X Research Sources
“Love from ourselves and from others can help us feel valued. Deep down inside, we all want to be loved.”
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and family therapist
Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and family therapist
Marriage and family therapist
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Determine if you are experiencing a love-related crisis in your current life. Some people are afraid of love because it makes them feel scared at the thought of death. Loving and being loved can make death even scarier, because now, you’ve got a lot of things you don’t want to lose. This negative, terrifying thought can even cause many people to avoid love. [6] X Research Sources
Coping with fear
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Challenge negative thinking. In addition to previous relationships and childhood experiences, negative thinking can prevent you from wanting to love and be loved. Some people often think negatively about themselves or their partner and this causes their relationship to suffer. Don’t allow negative thoughts to affect you without dealing with and correcting them. This action will help you change your mindset and avoid reinforcing your fear of love. In the future, if you find yourself having a negative thought, turn it into a positive one. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- For example, if you’re worried about rejection, you might think, “She’s completely out of my reach. She will “kick” me. Or if you feel that you don’t deserve to be loved, you will think, “I’m so ugly that no one wants to love me, so I shouldn’t even try.”
- Thinking like that will damage your self-esteem and your ability to feel love. If you are dealing with negative thoughts, you need to find ways to soothe and change them.
- The next time you have a negative thought, stop and change your mind. If you think “She is out of my reach. She will kick me, you should turn it into something more positive such as “She is a beautiful woman. I’m excited to see where this relationship goes.”
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Find ways to develop a positive mindset about love. You may benefit from positive self-talk about love. Try to use positive self-affirmations every day to develop more positive feelings about love. This practice can help you deal with negative emotions that may be contributing to your fear of love. Take a few minutes each day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something positive about love. You can talk about what you believe or want to believe about love. [8] X Research Sources Some examples of statements you can use include:
- “I deserve to be loved.”
- “One day, I will have a complete love relationship.”
- “Love is a wonderful thing.”
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Allow yourself to be weak. Weakness is defined as the risk and uncertainty that accompanies emotional exposure [9] X Research Source . Many people who are afraid of falling in love often put themselves on the defensive in a relationship. If you want to overcome this fear, you need to lower your defenses and allow yourself to be vulnerable to the person you love. This may sound scary, but it’s an important step in becoming more comfortable with love. Common defensive actions include retreating into a world of illusions or expressing yourself in a less-than-ideal way. [10] X Research Source
- Identify the defensive action you use to prevent yourself from becoming weak. What are they? How can you lower them and start allowing yourself to become weaker?
- In your next relationship, look beyond that – use the memory of past happiness as a guarantee for the future or recall the initial commitment and promise you both made. together.
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Discuss your fears with someone you love or with friends you trust. Talking to others about your fears and feelings can help you deal with your fear of love. If you are in a romantic relationship, share your feelings with your partner. Telling your partner about your feelings can open up the possibility for more intimacy in the relationship. Make sure you talk to your partner when you’re both calm, not after or while you’re both arguing. [11] X Research Source
- If you don’t have a boyfriend right now or aren’t willing to talk to your partner about your feelings, you can talk to a friend you trust.
- Try saying something like, “I think the problem I had in my previous/current relationship was because I was afraid of falling in love. I’m trying to work through those feelings to solve the problem. Are you willing to talk about this with me?”
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Consider talking to a counselor if your problem persists. Sometimes, the fear of love is so severe that you need to seek help from a counselor. If this situation persists despite your best efforts to make things better, you should consider talking to a counselor. They can help you get to the root of your problems and deal with them so you can have a healthier emotional relationship in the future.
Advice
- Be patient and persistent. It may take some time for you to deal with your fear of falling in love. You should keep trying and get help if you’re not making the progress you’re looking for.
- Love is wonderful. You will probably get hurt, but you will always be able to love again.
Warning
- If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help that can release you. You can call the hotline 18001567, this is the phone number for counseling and support services for children and women experiencing violence. [12] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to the source If you’ve been abused in the past, it can be difficult to deal with your fear of love alone.
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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,191 times.
Are you afraid of love? Does the thought of someone loving you scare you? Heartbreaks can keep you from wanting to love because you fear that you might get hurt again. If you’re experiencing “fear of love,” there are many steps you can take to deal with your fear. You need to identify the source of your fear, address negative thoughts, and confide your concerns to a friend or lover. Sometimes the fear of love becomes so severe that you need the help of a counselor to get over it, but first, try to face some of your fears on your own. own fear.
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