How to Stop Being a Pathological Liar

Pathological lying is a complex and often misunderstood behavior. Telling a few lies from time to time is not pathological lying; But if you can’t stop lying, you use lies to manipulate others, or your lying habit seriously affects your life, you are probably struggling with pathological lying. ^{[1] X Research Resources} Learning to stop lying can be an arduous journey, but once you get help, you’re off to a good start.

Table of Contents

Stop negative thoughts about yourself

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You don’t have to lie to impress people. If you ever feel like you’re not doing as well as you’d like, you may subconsciously want to lie to make yourself appear better in the eyes of others. Instead of lying, remind yourself of all your positive qualities. Those are the points to emphasize, not the lies just to impress people for a moment or to win their hearts. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Let’s say you want to make a good impression on a coworker by telling her you’ve seen her favorite movie. Do not! Let’s be honest if you haven’t seen that movie. It’s better to tell her about good movies you’ve seen.
Say something like, “Oh, I haven’t seen that movie. I have to give it a try!”

Accept the consequences you have caused

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Avoid resorting to lies to get away with guilt. When you make a mistake, don’t immediately seek to make excuses. Instead, honestly admit what you did. Take responsibility by apologizing and remediating to the best of your ability. This can be very difficult and requires effort, but living an honest life in which you feel at ease can pay off wonderfully. ^{[3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

If you hurt someone’s feelings, don’t blame them or make excuses for having a bad day. Be sincere and say sorry.
Maybe you forgot to water the plants while your roommate was away. Don’t lie that you watered the plants, even if that friend comes home and finds the plants withered. Admit you were wrong and apologize.
You may not always be forgiven, but you can be respected for taking responsibility for your actions.

Don’t intentionally ignore important details

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This is called lying by omitting. ^{[4] X Sources of Research} When talking to others, don’t leave out details or hide some aspect of the story that could harm your image. Let’s say, one day you have dinner with your ex but are afraid your spouse will find out. Don’t say you’re having dinner with an old friend or ignore who you’re having dinner with. Tell the truth so you can talk honestly and openly about it. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

This is the act of taking responsibility for what you have done.

Resolve conflicts honestly

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Sometimes people lie to avoid falling out with someone. Behaving to please others can make you resentful and distant from the person you lied to. To build a bond based on open communication and trust, be honest when disagreements arise. This will open the door for you to connect more deeply with someone, even if it can be difficult to say at times. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Let’s say your husband always forgets to put away his washed clothes, which makes you very angry. Don’t say you don’t mind it just to avoid an argument. Instead, you should give him a chance to know how you feel.
Say it directly but gently, such as, “I know you’re busy, but could you take the time to put your clothes away tonight?”

Think before you speak

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Take time to process your thoughts so you don’t come up with an irresistible lie. If you find yourself often lying uncontrollably, pause for a moment before engaging in discussions or answering questions. That way, you’ll have time to think of an honest response instead of lying. ^{[7] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}

The next time your boss asks if you’ve finished your assignment, you should pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “Have I done everything they told me to do?”. If the answer is no, be honest about it.

Be honest with yourself

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Make sure you don’t believe your own lies. Sometimes it’s hard to accept a harsh truth. You may not be able to save money due to an uncontrolled online shopping habit. Maybe you choose to make it easier to cope by telling yourself that everything is fine and you won’t have any problems. To really find a solution to this and avoid lying to yourself (and to others), you have to honestly reflect on the things you don’t want to admit. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Taking an honest look at your behavior can help you heal and prevent you from making the same mistake again in the future. Lying won’t help you in the long run. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Record each time you lie in your diary

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This can help you recognize any patterns and stop them. To stop lying, you have to be aware of when you do. Write down the lies you tell during the day and think about why you said them. This can help you better understand your motives for lying, whether it’s because you’re insecure or just want to please others. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}

Honest reflection can be very effective in therapy. Think of your journal as a safe place to process your emotions and see what you can do to improve.

Chat with a mental health professional

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A therapist or counselor can help you get to the root of your lying. There are many factors that cause people to lie, such as low self-esteem, social awkwardness, and impulsivity. ^{[11] X Sources of Research} You should seek professional help to figure out the underlying problems that cause you to lie. Ask your GP for a referral or go online to find a therapist in your area. ^{[12] X Research Source}

It can be difficult, but be honest when talking to a therapist or counselor. Their specialty is helping you, and they won’t judge your problems or behavior.

Get help with an underlying mental health problem

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Pathological lying can also be a symptom of a mental health disorder. These include narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. If you think your habit of lying may be an underlying symptom, remember that you can always get help. Mental health professionals such as a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist can provide the support you need. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Other symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include: delusions of being superior to others, difficulty maintaining healthy interactions with people, potential low self-esteem and feelings of shame heavy shame. ^{[14] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}
Features of antisocial personality disorder include: rejection of right and wrong, brutal or aggressive behaviors, and abusive or unhealthy relationships. ^{[15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}
Symptoms of borderline personality disorder include: intense fear of abandonment, depression, and persistent mood swings. ^{[16] X Cleveland Clinic Trusted Source Go to Source}

Steps