How to Stop a verbally abusive husband

Choose a different response. You can’t change his behavior, but you can stop your emotions from engulfing you to the point of depression. If this happens regularly, you will start to feel bad when you hear abusive words. Think about the process – your beliefs about what happens and why. Likely, the problem lies in your husband’s anger and frustration. Turn the problem to him instead of taking the defeat on yourself. You should think like: ^[1]

• He gets mad because I’ve been in the bathroom for a long time – I shouldn’t feel bad for taking the time to shower and put on makeup. He could easily use another bathroom.
• He doesn’t want to eat what he cooks. He said it looked disgusting. But it’s not about his food – he just wants to feel bad about himself. I won’t fall into a trap.
• He criticized me for looking fat. I know it’s not. He just wanted me to be insecure.

Emotion test. To be ready to face your husband, you must examine your feelings and find a way to explain them to your husband. Are your emotions healthy – sadness, disappointment? Or are they unhealthy – like self-pity for not being good enough, anxiety, self-hate? Move your emotions into a healthier direction and decide how to express those feelings to your husband. Try asking these questions: ^[2]

• How should I feel about being laughed at by my husband just because my friends and I like to watch silly movies. I shouldn’t care. It’s sad that he can’t be happy to see that his wife has good friends.
• I’m disappointed that he won’t go hiking with me even though he used to nag me when I didn’t go with him. I don’t want to spend all Sunday cooking and cleaning for him – he’s just going to mess with me anyway. I should spend time away from that negativity.
• I’m not good enough for him. He keeps saying that but it’s really not true, it’s just because he’s insecure and having problems at work.

Redirect the husband’s attention to his words. Because to be the one causing the problem, he must be the one to change. It will take more than just getting him to think about your words, but you can get him going. Sometimes you need to clear things up instead of keeping quiet and letting go of the abusive words, then you’ll make him realize what you’re doing. Ask him repeatedly to review the sentence. Sometimes they don’t scream at you but will humiliate you, just give you names to make you fall, you don’t have to endure those things. A few ways you can do it are as follows: ^[3]

• “I was sad when you laughed at my appearance. Can’t you do that again?”
• “I feel sad and worried when you get angry just because the clothes are not washed in time. Can you help me instead of getting angry?”
• “You scolding me for being such an idiot will make me feel guilty. I’m not stupid, so stop calling me that.”