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This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
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Viewing pornography is an unhealthy habit that can put a strain on your life and relationships. If you’re having a hard time giving up porn, try eliminating all means of access and finding more positive ways to restrain yourself from temptation.
Steps
Limit temptation
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Clean up your computer. If you see pornography on your computer, whether intentionally or unintentionally, you should also start avoiding them by cleaning up your computer. First, delete all the pornography stored on your device, then do a few more steps depending on the problem you are having:
- Clean up the browser. Clear your cache, browsing history, and Google search history. If the computer remembers that you have visited pornographic sites (even by accident), it will assume that you want to see more of this content and will display more pornographic ads and websites that do not. other safety.
- Virus check. If you notice pop-up porn ads appearing even when you are visiting trusted websites or when opening your browser, your computer may be infected with a virus. Contact a computer repair person to remove viruses on your computer and install anti-virus software to protect your computer in the future.
- Be careful when using keywords to search and visit websites. There are a number of phrases commonly associated with pornography, and some websites contain viruses that will direct you to pages with pornographic content. We recommend that you enable Google’s safe search mode to avoid unsafe searches and only visit highly trusted websites.
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Set up internet censorship. You can set up internet censorship in a number of ways to keep yourself and others away from online pornography. You can block all sites, except for a few adult sites, or you can block only certain sites. Choose a suitable method for yourself:
- Use StayFocused. StayFocused is an extension for the Chrome browser that allows you to manage accessible websites and the amount of time spent on them. This utility will be very effective to control your behavior if you are struggling to resist the temptation of pornography.
- Or you can also use Stop Procrastinating App to block network access or filter websites not only on Chrome browser but also all other browsers. The application manages websites very closely, and suggests settings to help users focus on the addiction to pornography.
- Use Microsoft’s built-in filter. If you’re trying to protect your family and use a Windows computer, take advantage of Microsoft’s parental controls. This feature provides effective control rules that you can optionally set up to suit your family’s needs. [1] X Research Source
- Set up OpenDNS (a free DNS resolution service) to block all unwanted content on all devices in the home. This service is often used in schools and is also very useful for families.
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Pay attention to the use of media. Certain media tend to expose you and others to dangerous, unhealthy content. Therefore, you need to limit the time you spend on certain media. You can easily choose movies based on reviews, but TV shows are more difficult to control. Therefore, limit the number of channels and learn about programs before watching to see if it is right for you and your family. The internet is the most difficult medium to control, so it’s a good idea to use a network censor program or significantly limit your family’s internet time and the websites your family can access.
- For example, did you know that YouTube has a content filtering feature that can help protect you and your family from adult movie content on this channel? Scroll down to the bottom of any YouTube page, you will see an option “Safety: Off”. Click this option and YouTube will become safer in no time!
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Spend time relaxing in a shared family space instead of being alone. Move all computers in the house to the common area of the family and set a rule that the room with the computer must open the door. This rule will help all family members, including you, to behave honestly and better manage temptations and bad habits.
- For example, you could move the computer from your son’s bedroom to a corner in the living room.
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Adjust to the public places you often go to. Certain public spaces tend to display objectionable cultural products in a conspicuous place. It’s different from place to place, but if you find yourself exposed to such content in public, you should think about spending time somewhere else.
- For example, downtown and suburban areas tend to have more unhealthy cultural products than other areas.
- If you know you’re likely to see these types of cultural products while driving or walking to work, try taking a different route.
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Avoid self-improvement by being negative and using whip punishment. We often hear people recommend using an elastic band on the wrist when trying to stop a bad habit or punishing kids if they don’t stay away from unhealthy products, however, at least For viewing pornographic products, you should not apply these methods. The above methods work because the person being punished will feel pain, discomfort, shame and humiliation because of what they do. However, when it comes to sex, these emotions can lead to other unhealthy emotions and even prevent them from having normal sex in the future. Avoid negative measures of all sexual behaviors as much as possible, as they not only lead to bad habits, but can also lead to sexual addiction. [2] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
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Create positive measures. Whether you are trying to keep yourself away from pornography or trying to help your family, taking positive measures will be more effective in shaping the desired behaviors.
- For example, you can reward your teenage son with extra pocket money each day if he plays on the computer for less than 5 hours.
- You can also improve yourself in a positive way: reward yourself with one candy a day for not watching porn.
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Evaluate the problem. It’s also important to really understand the problem you’re having. Sometimes, watching porn isn’t as bad as you think it is. You should look at your situation from an outsider’s perspective and decide if you really want to stay in control of the situation.
- For example, if your son is having trouble viewing pornography, it may just be a symptom of his sexual development. It is normal to increase sexual arousal at a young age and pornography can be a safer way of emotional release than if you stop watching porn, you are likely to find a solution. other radiation. You can’t step in, or at least give him some advice on why porn might be a bad view of sex and why it shouldn’t be in control of his life. mine. If this behavior distracts him from his studies and friendships, you may need to intervene.
- Learn to recognize the signs of addiction to pornography. If you think that pornography is affecting your life, it sounds like a big deal. Feeling guilty, lying to cover up your habits, being dissatisfied with your sex life, and resenting unrecognized pornography are all signs of a serious problem. [3] X Research Sources
Build healthier habits
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Replace a bad habit with a good one. For most people who watch porn a lot, lust is a habit. One of the best ways to kick a bad habit is to replace it with a good one; you need to find something else to do when you want to find pornography. What to do is up to each person, but you can try some of the following activities:
- Do exercise. When the time comes when you would normally watch porn, go out and exercise. You can walk around the house, do some jumping jacks or do some fun sports like swimming in the pool.
- Housecleaning. You can clean up a few basic things (such as washing dishes, washing clothes, etc.) and don’t forget to clean areas that people usually don’t remember like scrubbing toilets and bathtubs.
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Keep yourself busy to forget about porn. You will be easily tempted by pornography if you have too much free time. Keeping yourself busy all day will keep you away from them because there is so much more to do! Try a new hobby (editing wikiHow articles, for example), learn a new skill on your own (learning a foreign language can be very helpful and fun, or find another way to pass the time (spend a lot of time). spending more time with friends and family is always a great option).
- For example, you can learn a new language on your own using some online software like DuoLingo. Learning a new language will both keep you busy (and stay away from porn) and it will help you later in life!
- If you want to try something non-computer related to avoid temptation, you should try martial arts. The Japanese martial art of Aikido is a martial art that uses minimal movements to achieve maximum effect, for those who do not need to be physically too good, so it will be very suitable for those who are inexperienced. or have an unbalanced body. You can sign up for Aikido lessons at your local or university martial arts clubs.
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Find mentors and support. If you’re really having a hard time controlling your habits, you should consider asking a counselor or community of people who have been through a similar problem for help. You can get help in many ways, choose the one that works best for you.
- If you are a religious person, you can go to a temple or a church (depending on the religion) and talk to the monks and nuns. You may need to make an appointment in advance, but there will usually be someone there to talk to.
- You can also join online groups with people who are having the same problem. They can help, empathize, and even share methods you can use to control yourself. [4] X Research Sources
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Find ways to address your sexual urges in a healthier way. You shouldn’t think about this until you’ve tried other methods, but finding a healthier sexual outlet can help you break the habit of viewing porn. Find a partner who shares the same views on love and build a more satisfying sex life together. By keeping your sex life varied, fresh, and mutually satisfying, you will eliminate a lot of the urge to watch pornographic products.
- If you are in a loving relationship, you can try to warm up your sex life with your partner. You’ll need to really try, but it’s worth it, isn’t it?
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Think of every reason to stop. For many people, keeping in mind the reasons they should stop will help limit bad behavior. If you have enough motivation, you will control your desires. However, this will be most effective if you start by thinking about the reasons you view pornography. Often they help you meet unmet needs. Think about those dissatisfactions so you can figure out why and how to give up.
- Think about the effects on the family. For many people, the influence of their pornographic viewing habits on their wives, girlfriends, or fear that their children will view them is enough to prevent and help them control their habits. You are the same if you are young and living with your family. What would your little sister think if she accidentally saw what you were watching?
- Think about your feelings and your free time. For many people, they are more motivated to know about the negative effects of pornography on themselves. Studies have shown that, 60% of men who stop viewing porn have an increase in sexual performance. About two-thirds of them feel more energetic and more productive. [5] X Research Sources The habit of viewing pornography can take up a lot of your time, so think about what you can do with that time.
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Seek advice if this problem persists with you. If you really can’t control yourself, think about seeing a doctor or a psychologist. Maybe your problem is bigger than you think, and if it’s negatively affecting your life, it’s extremely important to find a solution.
- Talk to your family doctor about your problem, and even if they can’t help you, they can refer you to professionals who can help.
- You can also look to sex addiction treatment sites or groups, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous or cainghientinhduc.net. These sites and groups specialize in sex-related support, they understand what you’re going through and will have a way to help you.
Remember your parents, how would they react if they found out about this habit?
Helping others
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Do not judge. The first thing you should do when trying to help others stay away from pornography is to stop being judgmental. Don’t look at the problem in a way that turns them into bad people because of your behavior. The sexual instinct is normal and very human. Even many religions say that we have no right to judge others (that is the job of the Supreme Beings). Judging others is also not good because it will often make them reject what you are trying to do. A lot of people who are willing to change will become defensive if you judge them and will even become conservative and refuse to change.
- Stay calm when talking to them and avoid using judgmental language like, “Why don’t you look like A at all?” or “Watch black movies and you will become a pedophile!”. Don’t assume other people’s thoughts or compare them because such statements will silence them.
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Tell them about the things that worry you. It’s best to open up by telling them what you’re worried about and why. Sometimes people won’t realize they have a problem or how their problem might affect others. If you’re really open and honest, you’ll most likely get in the way of their thoughts and make them understand.
- Say things like, “B, I know those are things you like, but I’m worried about how they’ll affect you. Life is much more interesting than that and now there are many things he can do to make himself happy, but all his free time is spent in his room. I want you to be able to live more than that.”
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Help them realize how harmful their behavior is. Use a variety of evidence and arguments, such as factual evidence, logical arguments, emotional arguments, and whatever you can. It’s best to use a mix of arguments if you don’t know how the person thinks about the issue, just remember to avoid making them feel guilty. Maybe they themselves have been dealing with feelings of shame and your goal is to help, not make the situation worse.
- For example, you could argue with logic like this: “Think how this changes the way you think about sex! He was slowly getting used to being able to change the person he pleased with the push of a button. At this rate, it will be difficult for you to have a satisfactory romantic relationship in life.”
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Give them new goals. Using a new behavior or activity to replace it is the best way to end the old behavior. If you want someone to stop watching porn, give them something else to do. You can try:
- Get them to join a class. Consider paying for two people to take a cooking class together when they are most vulnerable.
- Give them chores to do. For example, if your son stays in his room until the end of the day, give him the task of walking the dog every day.
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Anticipate failures. Breaking the habit of viewing pornography is a difficult, time-consuming and sometimes frustrating task to overcome. You need to anticipate this failure so that neither you nor the person you’re helping doesn’t get too frustrated over the whole thing. Disappointment can lead to harshness, judgment, and ruin all of your efforts. Be prepared that you will have to try and things won’t change overnight. You can also ask others for help to stay persistent when you feel like you’re not strong enough to try on your own.
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Release from that mindset is your responsibility. You need to realize that, ultimately, you can’t be held accountable for everything that someone else does. No matter who they’re trying to help, they’ve grown up or are about to make their own decisions in their lives, it’s a part of the world they’ll come into contact with in one way or another, and they need to be independent. I found a way to deal with it. If you get negative results after you’ve done all you can to help them, that’s their responsibility. You did your best and no one can ask for anything more from you.
Advice
- SOME ALTERNATIVE ACTIVITIES:
- Shower or drink cold water.
- If you need to settle (masturbation), try to do without looking at the pornographic images. Your brain will gradually reduce the desire to look at those images over time and you will gradually gain better self-control.
- Plan specific activities that you will do (go to the gym, read, draw, etc.) the next time you feel like watching porn.
- Outdoor activities and sunlight will reduce the desire to view pornography. Choose for yourself some healthy hobbies and sports, such as gardening, playing gpf, running, swimming, walking, playing basketball, cycling, doing housework, etc.
- HOW TO USE A COMPUTER
- Don’t sit alone with the computer.
- If you see suspicious content, don’t be curious, press the delete button or close the browser.
- Be careful when accessing video viewing sites, such as youtube; A lot of the videos on these sites contain emotional content, at least mildly emotional, so stay away from them. If you need to watch a certain video, exit as soon as you finish watching, don’t stay to watch more content.
- Beware of spam emails that contain sexually explicit content. Filter and block them, or change your email address if you continue to be bothered.
- HOW TO MANAGE THE PROBLEM
- If you fall into temptation again, don’t give up. Keep going and keep trying.
- Addiction to pornography can be exacerbated by feelings of shame, loneliness, and despair. You should talk to and ask for help and guidance from family and friends or join some of the support groups dedicated to this issue.
- After you continue to fall into temptation, check again to see what made you act like this, eliminate all those causes so that you can better control yourself.
- When looking up information, use reliable search engines or dictionaries.
Warning
- Porn ads often appear on untrusted sites with topics related to pirated software, hacking, program cracking and online gambling.
- Avoid accessing illegal websites that provide passwords, crack programs or unauthorized software. These sites often run ads, sexually explicit language that easily tempts you.
- Do not click on untrusted links in emails. If you want to access that link, you can copy and paste it into your browser instead of clicking it directly. Spam and phishing emails often contain scripts hidden behind the link.
- Don’t guess the address of a certain website. Many porn sites have similar addresses to trusted sites, so you should use a search engine instead.
- Do not search for abstract terms like “girl”, “pig”, etc. Think twice before entering search terms.
- Don’t think that the number of days you can contain yourself is the most important thing. You can quit for a year or more and still relapse. While trying to quit for a long time is highly recommended, you should ask yourself, “How far is the distance between me and pornography right now?”. In other words, beware of complacency.
- Do not open untrusted email attachments. To block pop-ups and other bad scripts, use email’s free web-based service for settings.
- While it’s important to ask your partner for help, you need to think carefully about when and how to bring this up with your partner. If he doesn’t know that you’re interested in pornography, he could be in for a shock.
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This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
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Watching porn is an unhealthy habit that can put a strain on your life and relationships. If you’re having a hard time giving up porn, try eliminating all means of access and finding more positive ways to restrain yourself from temptation.
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