How to Say Goodbye to the Past

The urge to cling to the past can overwhelm you, especially if you are haunted by intense pain, trauma, or shame. However, letting go of the past is in your favor, and it is essential if you want to enjoy life. Really moving forward means having a positive attitude, being flexible with the situation, accepting yourself and/or forgiving others.

Table of Contents

Build a positive attitude

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Take a step back. ^{[1] X Source of Research} To face and say goodbye to the past, you must think about it from an objective point of view. Reflect on the past, and try to figure out exactly what is holding you back. Common causes come in many forms: ^{[2] X Research Source}

Physical desires (For example, being obsessed or embarrassed about sexual or material matters)
Aversion (Example: past pain causes you to avoid certain people or opportunities)
Evil mind (Wanted to harm or cause trouble to others)
Feelings of anxiety/confusion
Lack of motivation or energy
Suspect

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Give up false beliefs. ^{[3] X Research Sources} Deep-rooted beliefs often drive our actions and thoughts in an intense way. If you have trouble saying goodbye to the past, conscious or unconscious beliefs may be to blame. Challenging and changing these beliefs can help you move on.

For example, you might say to yourself that you want to achieve a fixed income in order to feel happy. However, this pursuit of goals may be preventing you from enjoying what you truly enjoy, such as hobbies or spending time with family. Challenge your beliefs, resolve to spend more time in other aspects of your life, and re-examine how you feel.
Changing deeply ingrained beliefs can be difficult, especially when they are influenced by factors such as culture, family, and religion. Give yourself time to change your beliefs, and talk to a friend or counselor if you need help.

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Accept change. ^{[4] X Research Source} Moving forward in life can be a scary thing. However, instead of fearing the unknown, accept change as a part of your life and who you are. Focus on thinking of change as a positive motivator:

For example, if you lose your job, stay positive by thinking of it as an opportunity to gain new skills and experience in a different position or job.

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Meditate or pray. Strong emotional reactions caused by past pain, regrets, and other stressors can persist in the mind. A calm and balanced mind is essential when letting go of the past. Meditation and/or prayer can help keep your mind calm and focused.

Mindfulness meditation helps people focus on the present moment. ^{[5] X Research Source}^{[6] X Research Source} Basically, it involves focusing on your breath as you try to clear all distracting thoughts from your mind.
If you have or are open about personal or religious beliefs, prayer can be very helpful. If you are following a certain faith/belief, you can say a prayer. Or, you can pray in your own words, reading silently or aloud.

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Write about the past. ^{[7] X Research Sources}^{[8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source} Journaling or other forms of writing (such as personal blogging) can be a great way to accept the past and move on. forward. Try writing about things that upset you, have hurt you, or what you think is holding you back. Experiencing self-expression can help relieve you. Because you’re only writing for yourself, don’t worry about what others will think or say, building your confidence.

Accept yourself

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Forgive yourself. ^{[9] X Research Sources}^{[10] X Research Sources}^{[11] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source} You may have a tendency to hide your painful past and pretend it doesn’t exist. However, fighting against the past can drain you of energy. Start by forgiving yourself instead of criticizing yourself intentionally or unintentionally.

Try saying to yourself, “I know I haven’t lived up to the person I wanted to be, because X. I admit it and want to focus on moving forward.”
Give yourself time to heal. Instead of saying to yourself, “My heart will never heal,” say, “All pain fades and passes with time.”
You may never fully get over some issues, like the death of a loved one or the pain of betrayal. But as long as you accept the idea that you are allowed to move forward, the wound can still be healed to some extent.

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Admission. ^{[12] X Research Resources} Sometimes opening up gives you the comfort you need to start moving forward. If you’ve hurt someone, been a victim, done something you regret or shame, or are struggling with some other pain, talk to a trusted friend, counselor , or spiritual house.

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Sorry. ^{[13] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source} Hurting someone else can make someone feel guilty or ashamed. Taking the time to apologize to the person you’ve hurt is acknowledging that person’s pain and creating an opportunity for yourself to release. Be sincere and clear when apologizing to others, and express your desire to improve the situation.

For example, if you are suddenly critical of your partner, take the time to say, “I know I hurt you by doing/saying X. It was my fault, you didn’t deserve it, and I really do. Sorry. What should I do to make things better?”

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Compensation for damage. ^{[14] X Research Source}^{[15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source} Unsuccessful business, debt, and other circumstances can cause severe psychological damage. If you want a clean conscience, let go of the past and move on, you need to do something to make up for it.

If you are experiencing financial problems due to lingering debt, unpaid bills, or other problems, you should seek help from a financial planner. You may be a little scared or confused when you take the first step, but you will feel better once you get started.
If you hurt someone a long time ago and it still haunts you, get in touch with that person and try to make up for it.
If you want to avoid confrontation, you may even feel more comfortable by making amends anonymously. For example, if you stole someone’s money, send the money back to that person in an unsigned envelope.

Accept others

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Forgive others. ^{[17] X Source of Research}^{[18] X Source of Research} You can easily hold onto your anger when someone hurt you in the past. However, there are many psychological benefits to forgiving others. ^{[19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

It helps to make it clear to people that you forgive them. If someone has ever said something harsh to you, try saying to that person: “I was hurt when you said X, but I still want you to know that I let it go because I want to think about the future. I forgive you”.

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Should not be blamed. ^{[20] X Research Source} While saying the problem is someone else’s fault may be a simple way to avoid errors, things don’t seem to work in that direction. When you blame others, you can expect them to fix things. However, it is more effective to acknowledge the problem and focus on living for the present and the future.

For example, if your spouse’s spending habits are causing financial trouble, don’t say, “You ruined everything!” Instead, try to be more practical: “We are having financial problems and need to change our spending habits.”

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Remove hatred. ^{[21] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Going to the Source} Hatred is a specific form of trauma that can cause past problems to frustrate you. If someone has hurt you or done something wrong to you in the past, don’t focus on revenge. While you think it’s nice to see that person hurt too, you’ll feel better if you let it go.

For example, if you’re angry because you think someone made your ex leave you, approach the person and say, “I was angry at first, but I want everyone to be happy and move on. I want you to move on. know that I accept your relationship”.

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Focus on changing yourself, not changing others. ^{[22] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Going to the Source} Changing to overcome a past problem can be difficult. It is also very difficult to change yourself, let alone others. If you let other people bother solving their problems, you will have more energy and focus on improving yours.

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Give yourself some space if necessary. ^{[23] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source} If past personal relationship failures are holding you back, give yourself space to let loose. Taking time to reflect can do wonders.

You can agree with the person to bring up the issue again another day. For example, if the relationship is in trouble, you might consider taking a break.

Move forward

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Focus on the present and the future. ^{[24] X Source of Research}^{[25] X Source of Research} Once you accept the past, you can begin to let go of it. Focus on living in the present to the best of your ability, and think of the future as a motivation to move forward confidently.

Setting specific goals will increase your chances of success. This includes a number of things, like getting a degree, finding a new job, or practicing and improving skills in a particular field.
Focus on something in the present moment. For example, pursuing a new hobby or volunteering makes you feel fulfilled.
Start slowly. If a serious car accident makes you nervous in the car, start slowly by sitting in the car for a while in the parking spot. Then, drive a short distance to somewhere nearby. Slowly apply this until you feel comfortable in the car for long distances.

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Change behavior. ^{[26] X Source of Research} If you do the same things over and over again, it’s likely that you will always remember the past. If you really want to say goodbye to the past and move on, you must change your behavior clearly and specifically. Changing the way you do things can be difficult, but it’s easier to remind yourself that you’re working to improve the situation. For example:

If you often run into your ex (or miss your partner), you can change where you eat, shop, hang out, etc. Changing circumstances can make it easier to let go of the past.
If you have trouble spending too much money, choose a “shopping holiday”. Don’t buy anything you won’t need for a certain period of time (like a few weeks), and tell yourself that you’ll take the time to focus on using or organizing everything you have.

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See regret or loss as motivation for the future. ^{[27] X Sources of Research} You will overcome past misfortunes when you resolve to see them as the driving force for future success. If you still remember some regret or loss, think of several ways to use them to motivate yourself to improve:

Mistakes can be a learning experience, accumulating knowledge. If you’ve failed at work, you can use that knowledge to do better in the future, or determine if a new job is better for you.
If you’ve hurt someone you care about, apologize and tell yourself you’ll never let them down again.
If someone criticizes you, admit that you have been hurt, but you will be determined to improve yourself instead of to please others.

Steps

Build a positive attitude

Accept yourself

Accept others

Move forward

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