How to Say Goodbye to Shyness

Shyness is an uncomfortable feeling towards your surroundings that prevents you from achieving personal or social goals. ^{[1] X Research Source} Are you a shy person? Does the thought of having to converse with strangers make you feel queasy? It’s okay, shyness is a very common problem. As with any other drawback, you can overcome them with the right methods.

Table of Contents

Find confidence in yourself

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Ask yourself what you need to change and why. Are you worried about your lack of social skills? Are you struggling with innocuous conversations, having trouble expressing your feelings, frequently stopping to speak awkwardly, and having many other practical problems? Perhaps you’ve tried to be sociable, but still wish you didn’t feel uncomfortable and insecure.

Ask yourself how much you really want to change, because not everyone can be a social person – active, energetic, able to socialize with many people. Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to others. Don’t force yourself to be like them. These are just negative impositions, it just makes you feel lonely, lost, and worse, feeling inferior. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Adjust your thinking. People with social anxiety often have negative thoughts in their heads. “I look clumsy”, “No one wants to talk to me”, or “I look like a fool” are vicious and negative thoughts that only make you more timid and self-deprecating.

Try to break this habit by understanding when you are at risk of falling victim to these negative thoughts and testing their logic. For example, just because you feel nervous in front of a crowd or at a party doesn’t mean you’re a freak. The people around you are most likely just as anxious and nervous as you are.
Adjustment isn’t just about cramming with positive thoughts, it requires a realistic perspective. Many negative thoughts stem from blind beliefs. Look for evidence against your negative thoughts and look at things from different perspectives. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Pay attention to the outside world instead of focusing too much on yourself. This is one of the important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most shy people don’t realize this, but during a conversation they tend to focus on themselves instead of their surroundings. This makes them understand themselves but still get caught in a vicious circle. Research shows that it is self-centeredness that causes many people to panic after experiencing moments of anxiety. ^{[4] X Research Sources}^{[5] X Research Sources}

Instead of focusing on whether you are shy or say embarrassing things, try calmly facing your own shortcomings. Smile and move on with the conversation and don’t pay too much attention to the shortcoming. Most people will easily empathize with you, because people can empathize more easily with each other than you think.
Show interest in others and/or things around you. You may think that people are observing and judging you, but that’s usually not the case. This misperception is what makes you more timid and shy. Almost everyone is busy with their own business and few have time to pay attention to you.
It is often misunderstood that shy people are introverts. In fact, introverts prefer solitude and relax by being alone. Meanwhile, shy people are eager to engage with others but fear being judged by others. ^{[6] X Research Source}

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Observe the behavior of confident people in social interactions. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Therefore, you should not imitate and follow exactly what you see, but observing how skillful people behave in communication will give you a lot of experience in dealing with certain situations. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If you know these people well, you can be honest with them and ask them frankly for advice. Let them know that you notice that they seem to be very comfortable socializing and ask them to give you some advice. You may be surprised to find that the person you admire for your communication skills is actually just as shy as you are.

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See a mental health professional to see if you are having trouble overcoming your shyness. Sometimes excessive shyness is also a manifestation of social anxiety disorder. People with this condition are often so worried about being observed and judged by others that they hardly have any friends or any romantic relationships. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

A psychologist will help you diagnose social anxiety disorder and work with you to find the best way to think positively and boost your confidence, thereby helping you to stop avoiding socializing. People.

talk with strangers

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Always be a friendly person. Do you want to approach someone who is irritable, always looking down at the table? Certainly not. Our body language has a very important influence on the first impression others have of us, even if we have never spoken to them directly. Don’t just stare at the shoes you’re wearing, instead try a small smile, accompanied by confident eyes.

Friendly body language sends the message that you’re open to communicating with people. Sit facing the person you are talking to, keeping your arms and legs and your posture relaxed and comfortable. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Always remember that your body language not only determines what others think of you, it also reflects your style and who you are. Research shows that style authority manifests itself in a relaxed posture or relaxed arm and leg posture. It manifests itself when one feels at the top or when there is a sense of victory. On the contrary, a closed retreat like the position of a fetus in the womb shows helplessness and vulnerability.
A popular program by Ted has shown that these poses of power and authority are universally universal for all living things – humans, primates, or even humans. birds. The show’s speaker hypothesized that, if we deliberately use gestures and gestures to show “power” when we are in a state of insecurity, then we will believe in that authority. . That means you have the power to adjust your confidence level in any situation. ^{[10] X Research Sources}^{[11] X Research Sources}
Impressing with authority for two to three minutes can actually change brain activity, increase testosterone and decrease stress hormones. Even just imagining strong gestures can make you feel more confident and prepare you to take any risks.

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Let’s go to the outside world. The best way to meet people is to actively seek out places where you have the opportunity to meet a lot of people. Go to dance parties at your school or Christmas get-together. Try to meet at least one person before the party is over. A good way is to head to a music bar where you can stand in front of a microphone and sing or read some of the poems you wrote in your college days.

One researcher said that the best solution for him to overcome his shyness in the crowd was to apply for a job at a fast food restaurant. Working at McDonald’s during his adult years forced him to deal with complete strangers on a daily basis. Although he is still shy in some social situations, he asserts that these valuable experiences have contributed to his success. ^{[12] X Research Source}
Ask your friends to introduce you to their friends or acquaintances. This is a great way to meet new friends. You won’t have to worry about finding out about these new acquaintances, because your middle friend will be a safe bridge for you. Talk to them and then gradually expand your relationship and establish more intermediary relationships.

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Practice talking. It may sound a bit weird, but try practicing your conversation by standing in front of a mirror or closing your eyes and imagining that you are talking to someone. Feeling like you are getting ready to enter a social situation will help you eliminate feelings of fear and shyness. Treat your interactions like being in a movie. Imagine and play a good communicator who attracts people. Then go out and play your part well in real life.

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Show off your talent. Making the most of your strengths not only helps you feel more confident in the midst of many people, but also makes you more attractive and interesting. For example, if you enjoy painting, think about a fun time you had the opportunity to show off your art skills. Once you’re comfortable, it’s easier to shine. Find ways to draw inspiration and passion from people who share your passion. You can attract people around you simply by doing what you know well and are passionate about.

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Give sincere compliments. There is no need to exaggerate or flatter someone to the sky. Some successful conversations are often started with simple compliments from small things like “I like your shirt. Did you buy it at (store name)?” Natural and sincere compliments will give the other person a positive impression of you because it lifts them up. Moreover, it is certain that you will also walk away with a smile on your face because giving compliments to others also has a positive effect on you, they make you happier. ^{[13] X Research Source}

If you know the other person, mention their name in the compliment. Compliments should also be specific. Don’t just say “You’re great” but say “I love your new hairstyle, it really compliments your skin tone”.
Give three to five compliments a day to people you meet on the road or in everyday activities. Try not to compliment the same person twice. Count how many conversations you have made and how many people feel happier when you meet them.

Advice

Try taking one step every week (or every day). For example, if you find it difficult to keep the conversation going. Try to prolong the conversation every time you talk to someone. A good way to achieve this is to ask the person lots of questions.
Some people get nervous when going somewhere alone. You should try going to the movies alone. It’s hard for you to feel shy in the dark, isn’t it? It also shows the people in the theater in the same row that you are confident enough to go to the movies alone. Just pretend until you can!
If you need help with something, say you need help. If you keep it to yourself, you’ll feel anxious, and you won’t be able to get over it.
Chat randomly with someone, even with someone you don’t know. Be kind, and soon, you’ll be making a name for yourself!
Play sports. It’s a great way to meet new people, get out of your shy shell, and showcase your athletic talents.
Always engage in conversations with friends or anyone. However, sometimes it’s okay to just sit there and listen to them. That’s the beauty of shyness, that you can focus on listening and understanding what’s going on.
Pay attention to facial expressions. Don’t frown or be embarrassed.
Don’t talk too fast, and pay attention to your breathing.

Warning

Overcoming your shyness is a huge task. You should not expect that one day you are shy, and the next day you can completely get rid of it. This is not like that. Be patient, and remember, “Rome is not easy to build in a day” or anything takes time.
Be yourself and never let anyone discourage you.

Steps

Find confidence in yourself

talk with strangers

Advice

Warning

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