How to Respond to Condolences

When you lose a loved one, it takes time to heal. Friends and family can comfort you through condolence cards, letters, online messages, and wreaths. Remember that people offer condolences because they care and love you. When you’re ready, you need to know how to respond to those messages and acts of kindness.

Table of Contents

Find out what you should say

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Respond directly to condolences with a sincere “thank you.” People understand that you will be emotional or miserable. When they say “I’m so sorry for your loss,” they just want you to know that they’re comforting you, and won’t expect a longer conversation. A simple “thank you” would be appropriate. ^{[1] X Research Source}

You can also respond briefly, “I appreciate it,” or “You were so kind.”
If they know the deceased and are grieving as well, you can acknowledge that by replying, “You must be sad too.”

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Write simple and sincere messages to those who have sent cards or gifts. If you’re replying to an online message or writing a card, you don’t have to be verbose. Thank the recipient for their sympathy or comfort. You can mention a specific detail, such as the wreath they sent or they attended the memorial service. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Here’s an example of a thank you message: “Thank you for expressing your sympathy during this difficult time for our family. I really appreciate the beautiful wreath you sent. To me, her affection and consolation mean a lot.”
If you’re replying to a letter, choose how to end it based on your relationship with the recipient. If it is a family member or close friend, you can write “Dear” or “Dear.” If they are someone you don’t know very well, such as a friend or colleague of the deceased, you can write “Sincerely” or “Sincerely”.

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Reply to messages when you’re ready. Some people respond to condolences within a few weeks to help them heal faster. If you’re not ready to respond, take extra time to grieve. Try writing some feedback after 2 to 3 months. If you are still having trouble, you can ask a friend for help. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Reply to mails and messages

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Send a note or handwritten card back to the person who sent you the letter. You will probably receive all sorts of short letters and condolence cards. If you receive sincere handwritten letters, take the time to hand-write your responses. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

If you receive a signed generic condolence card, you usually don’t need to respond. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Responding with a pre-printed card provided by the funeral organizer is the simple solution. If you can’t write personal responses, use the thank you cards that funeral organizers often provide. These cards often include a message thanking the recipient for being sympathetic. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If you want to respond to a simple thank you card with a long letter, write in the message that you will write more privately when possible. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Post responses on the funeral website in response to those who sent messages. Many funeral homes offer online obituaries, where people can post condolences as well as public comment. You can reply to all messages on the funeral website yourself, thanking people for their kind words. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Here’s an example of a message you might respond to: “Thank you everyone for your concern and prayers. Our family appreciates that kindness during this difficult time.”

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Post on social media to thank those who sent their condolences online. It is increasingly common to express condolences online these days. If you receive a few messages or comments online, such as Facebook, you can post a message thanking nice people for their condolences. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If your Facebook friends send you a card or call after texting online, take the time to respond with a separate thank you card.

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Thank someone by email if that’s how you usually communicate. Sending an email may not be considered personal. However, if a friend or loved one has sent condolences by email, and that is how you usually communicate, it is also normal for you to reply by email. ^{[10] X Research Source}

If the person attended the funeral or sent a handwritten letter, you can call them or respond with a note.

Steps

Find out what you should say

Reply to mails and messages

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