You are viewing the article How to Recognize Manipulative Behavior at Lassho.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,467 times.
Manipulation denotes an attempt to influence another person’s behavior or actions in a non-direct manner. Manipulative behavior in itself does not mean good or bad: a person may try to manipulate someone into a noble cause or trick someone into doing something illegal. However, manipulation is never straightforward and often focuses on our weaknesses, making it difficult for us to recognize these behaviors. The controlling aspects associated with manipulative behavior are sometimes subtle and may not be easily identifiable because they are masked by responsibility, love, or routine. However, you can recognize the signs and avoid becoming a victim of manipulation.
Steps
Observe their behavior
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Notice if the person always wants you to speak first. Manipulators want to hear what you have to say to find out your strengths and weaknesses. They will ask questions to let you express your own opinions and feelings. These questions often begin with words like “what”, “why”, or “how”. Their reactions and actions will be based on the information they receive from you. [1] X Research Source
- Don’t just rely on the person always wanting you to speak first as manipulation. You should consider adding their other actions.
- Manipulators only focus on you without revealing much about their personal information in conversations.
- If this happens in most conversations between you and the person, this could be a sign of manipulative behavior.
- While their interest may seem sincere, keep in mind that behind the scenes there could be a shady scheme. If you try to get to know the person but they don’t respond or rush to change the subject, this is probably not genuine affection.
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Notice if the person is using the fascination to achieve their goals. Some people naturally exude charm, but manipulative people often use charm to get what they want. They may compliment someone before making their offer. They may give a card or a small gift before making a claim or saying that they will do something for you so that you have to do something for them. [2] X Research Source
- For example, a manipulative person might cook a nice meal to treat you and be sweet before asking to borrow money or help with a project.
- Understand that while this type of behavior is usually quite dispassionate, you are not obligated to do something just because someone has done something good for you.
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Pay attention to compulsive behavior. A manipulator will use force or threat to force someone to do something. They may yell, criticize or threaten to force others to do what they want. The person might begin with, “If you don’t do this, I will___” or “I won’t ___ until you ____”. Manipulators use this strategy not only to force others to do something, but also to get others to stop their behavior. [3] X Research Sources
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Notice how the person handles events. If the person is manipulating events or wants to drown you out with facts and information, they may be trying to manipulate you. This trick can manifest in lying, making excuses, withholding information or exaggerating. Some people even pretend to be knowledgeable and dump on you tons of data and statistics. They do this to feel more powerful than you. [4] X Research Sources[5] X Research Sources
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Note if the person is always making sacrifices or acting like the victim. Manipulators can do things you didn’t ask for and use it to make you feel bad. When “doing yourself a favor,” they expect you to return the favor and may complain if it doesn’t go their way. [6] X Research Sources
- The manipulator may complain, “I’m unloved/sick/badly treated, etc…” to try to get your sympathy and get you to do something for him.
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See if the person’s kindness is always conditional. They can be very sweet and kind when you do something well, but things will turn a hundred and eighty degrees if you dare to do it differently. This type of manipulator seems to have two faces: an angelic face when they want to please you, and a terrible face when they want you to be scared. Everything seems fine until you fail to meet their expectations.
- Maybe you feel like you’re on the verge of death, always in fear of them getting angry.
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Observe behavioral patterns. Everyone does manipulative behavior from time to time. However, real manipulators often do this. Manipulators have personal goals and intentionally exploit others to gain power, control, and advantage for themselves. [7] X Research Source If these behaviors are frequent, the person may be a manipulator.
- You often have to give in if you are manipulated, when your rights and interests are not important to them.
- It should be understood that this can also happen to people with disabilities and mental illnesses. For example, someone with depression may fall into a spiral of guilt but no intention to manipulate, and someone with ADHD may have difficulty checking email regularly. This does not mean they are manipulators.
Review through communication
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Notice if they make you feel like you’re unworthy or judged. A common trick is to criticize and ridicule to make you feel insignificant. No matter what you do, that person will find your mistake. Everything you do is flawed. Instead of offering helpful suggestions or constructive criticism, the person’s attitude toward you is just scouring. [8] X Research Sources
- This behavior can manifest as sarcasm or jokes. Manipulators may scoff at the outfit you’re wearing, the car you’re driving, your workplace, your family, your appearance, or anything else. While those comments may be disguised with humor, they are aimed squarely at you. You are the target for jokes. And they use this tactic to make you feel inferior.
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Notice if you are treated with silence. Manipulators use silence to gain control. They may ignore calls, texts, and emails for an unusual time. This action is intended to make you feel anxious or to punish you for “doing something wrong”. “Silence behavior” is different from being silent for a while to cool off and then contacting again; This behavior is used to make the other person feel like they have lost the upper hand.
- Their mute behavior may arise from your actions, but it may also have no cause at all. If the manipulator wants to make the other person feel low, then spontaneously cutting off contact will be an effective tactic.
- If you ask the person the reason for their silence, they may deny that there is a problem, or say that you are paranoid or irrational. [9] X Research Source
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Realize that the attribution makes you feel guilty. This trick is meant to make you feel responsible for the manipulator’s behavior. It also makes you dependent on the other person’s emotions such as joy, failure, success, anger, or similar emotions. You will eventually feel obligated to do everything for him, no matter how absurd it may seem. [10] X Research Source
- Attribution is often prefaced with statements like, “If I knew you better, I would…” or “If I really loved you I would…”, or “I did this for you, why don’t you. do it for you?” (even though you didn’t ask him to).
- If you find yourself agreeing to things that at other times you wouldn’t agree or feel comfortable with, you may be a victim of manipulation.
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Notice if you always have to say sorry. The manipulator can turn the situation upside down to act like you were wrong. They may blame you for something you didn’t do or make you feel responsible for a situation. For example, you make an appointment to meet the person at one o’clock in the afternoon, but they arrive two hours late. When questioned, the person will react like, “You’re right. He didn’t do anything good. I don’t know why you’re still talking to me. I don’t deserve you in my life.” So that person wins your sympathy, and at the same time changes the nature of the conversation. [11] X Research Source
- The manipulator will also misinterpret everything you say in the worst way to make you apologize for what you just said.
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Notice if the person is always comparing you to others. To force you to do something, the manipulator may tell you that you are not as good as others. They may even tell you that you’ll be a fool if you don’t do it. [12] X Research Sources This behavior is to make you feel guilty and force you to do what they want. [13] X Research Source
- Sayings like “Anyone will _____”, or, “If you ask Hang, she will do it right away,” or, “Everybody thinks it’s okay, except for me,” are to force you to have to do something by comparison.
Dealing with a manipulative person
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Know that you have the right to opt out. The manipulator will continue to manipulate if you allow him to do so. You need to say “no” to protect your happiness. Look in the mirror and practice saying, “No, I can’t help you with that,” or “No, that won’t work.” [14] X Research Source You have to stand up for yourself, and you deserve to be respected.
- You don’t have to agonize over saying “no”. That is your right.
- You can politely decline. When the manipulator asks you to do something, try saying, “I’d love to, but I’ll be busy in the next few months,” or, “Thanks for believing in me, but I couldn’t.”
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Draw boundaries. When the manipulator sees that things are going badly, they will try to use your sympathy to get what they need. Then the manipulator will rely on the “helpless” situation for you to support financially, emotionally or in other forms of help. Watch out for attitudes or statements like, “You are my only support,” or “I have no one to talk to,” etc. You are not obligated to meet that person’s needs at all times. at the time.
- If the person says, “I don’t have anyone to talk to,” try responding with specific examples:
- “Do you remember yesterday Mr. Minh came and talked to you all afternoon? And Lan also said that she was willing to talk to you on the phone if you needed someone to listen. I’m willing to talk to you. you for five minutes, but then I have an important appointment I can’t miss.”
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Avoid blaming yourself. Manipulators will try to make you feel inferior. Remember that you are being manipulated to feel that way, and it’s not your problem. When you start to feel bad, you need to realize what’s going on and review how you’re feeling. [15] X Research Source
- Ask yourself, “Does this person treat me with respect?” “Are their requirements and expectations of me reasonable?” “Is this a one-way relationship?” “Do I feel good about myself?”
- If the answer is “no,” it’s probably the manipulator that’s the problem in your relationship, not you.
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Decisive. Manipulators often bend and distort facts to make themselves seem more reasonable. When responding to this distortion, you need to be clear. Say that you remember it is not, and you want to understand the matter better. Ask the person a few simple questions about when you both came to an agreement, how they believed in the solution, etc. Once you both agree, use that as a new starting point, not a starting point. use that distorted event. For example:
- The person said, “You never support me in meetings; you were only there for your own sake and left me with those ferocious people.”
- You reply, “That’s not right. I know you’re ready to talk to those investors. If you made a mistake, I would have intervened, but I think you did a great job.”
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Listen to yourself. It is important that you listen to yourself and how you feel in situations. Do you feel forced, pressured, or obligated to do things for that person against your will? Does his behavior seem to affect you without end, meaning you have to do one thing after another? The answers will point you to the next step in your relationship with that person.
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Cut the attribution to make you nauseous. One of the important things to remember to get rid of the bondage of guilt is to get rid of it when it begins. Use the “smack your back” method to deal with this trick, and don’t let the person’s interpretations of your behavior dictate the situation. This method is to use what the manipulator has just said to show them how disrespectful, heartless, unrealistic, or cruel they are.
- If they say, “I don’t care what you’ve worked so hard for me,” try saying, “You certainly do care about what I’ve done for you. I’ve said it many times already. Now I see you don’t want to understand how much I care.”
- Cut their influence on you. When a manipulator tries to make you feel guilty by saying it doesn’t matter, don’t believe it either.
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Shift the focus to the manipulator. Instead of letting the person ask questions and give orders, take control of the situation. When you are asked or pressured to do something that is outrageous or makes you uncomfortable, ask the person a few probing questions. [16] X Research Source
- Ask the person, “Is this fair to you?” “Do you really think this makes sense?” “How will this help/benefit you?” “How do you think I will feel?”
- These questions can lead the manipulator to concede.
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Do not make hasty decisions. The manipulator may try to force you to make a quick decision or demand an immediate response. Instead of giving in, you can say, “I’ll think about it.” This will keep you from having to accept work you really don’t want or being pushed into a corner. [17] X Research Source
- If an offer disappears when you take time to think, it’s probably because you wouldn’t do it if you had time to think. If they push you to make an immediate decision, the answer “no” is most appropriate.
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Set up a support system. Focus on healthier relationships and spend time with people who make you happy and confident. It could be family members, friends, mentors, teammates, and/or friends on the internet. These people can help you maintain balance and be satisfied with yourself. Don’t set yourself apart from everyone!
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Stay away from manipulators. If you find interacting with a manipulator difficult or damaging, keep your distance from that person. It is not your duty to change that person. If the manipulator is a family member or a coworker who is often around, try to limit interactions. Only communicate with them when absolutely necessary. [18] X Research Sources
Advice
- Manipulative behavior can show up in any relationship, including love, family, or platonic relationships.
- Find a pattern in certain behaviors. If you can correctly guess how the person behaves to achieve certain results, you are probably on the right track in recognizing manipulative behaviors.
- If you are in a manipulative relationship, you can leave or get help from someone who understands your situation.
X
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,467 times.
Manipulation denotes an attempt to influence another person’s behavior or actions in a non-direct manner. Manipulative behavior in itself does not mean good or bad: a person may try to manipulate someone into a noble cause or trick someone into doing something illegal. However, manipulation is never straightforward and often focuses on our weaknesses, making it difficult for us to recognize these behaviors. The controlling aspects associated with manipulative behavior are sometimes subtle and may not be easily identifiable because they are masked by responsibility, love, or routine. However, you can recognize the signs and avoid becoming a victim of manipulation.
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