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This article was co-written by Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Amber Rosenberg is a career coach certified by the International Federation of Coaches, based in the San Francisco Bay area. She has over 20 years of coaching experience and has worked for corporations, technology companies and nonprofits. Amber works for the Coach Training Institute and is a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,986 times.
Being ignored will make you feel hurt. Deciding how to react to the situation can also be a headache, especially if you don’t know if you were being ignored accidentally or on purpose. Your response should be based on how often the person ignoring you does so and how well they communicate. Understanding why others are ignoring you will help you respond in a proactive and healthy way.
Steps
Ask why you are treated coldly
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Wondering why someone is ignoring you. [1] X Research Sources They may unintentionally or intentionally ignore you. Think about the last time you talked to them – were they angry or hostile towards you? Do you say something that upsets them? If so, they are probably still resentful of what you said earlier. Conversely, if you had fun with them the last time, they may have been influenced by something that led them to unintentionally ignore you. Maybe they are busy studying for an exam or are infatuated with a new love.
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Ask a third party why you were ignored. If you’re being ignored by a friend or co-worker, try asking a mutual friend or co-worker if they know why you’re doing this. Perhaps this mutual friend will recognize or explain why you are being ignored. You may be angry at the person without even knowing it, but instead of telling you directly, they decided to ignore it to avoid making the disagreement worse. The third party will see the situation objectively and help you understand why you were being ignored.
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Ask the person who is ignoring you directly why they do it. Confront the person who ignores you. Talk to them privately. Find a quiet, private place and calmly say, “I don’t understand why you’re ignoring me?” Provide evidence they are ignoring you, such as not answering your calls or emails, not responding when you talk to them. Then listen attentively to their explanation. [2] X Research Source
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Identify manipulative behavior. If this is the first time they’ve ignored you, there’s probably a good reason. However, if a friend or coworker shows signs of ignoring you or someone else, they’re probably getting some satisfaction out of it. [3] X Research Source Or, they are using silence to ask for an apology or to get a request. In the end, they ignore you to lower your value: for example, they will say “If you know me/love me well, you won’t ask why I am being ignored”. The examples above are all manifestations of selfishness and should not be tolerated.
Look at the problem
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Judge the person who ignores you by their actions. Let’s say you are faced with someone who is ignoring you and they say they understand your concerns. Maybe they even apologize for ignoring you. However, after that, you continue to be ignored. In this case, you must understand that they are not sincere and have no intention of maintaining a good relationship with you.
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Accept their decision to keep your distance. [4] X Source of Research Don’t keep asking them to apologize for ignoring you or begging them to explain why they’re behaving the way they do if you’ve asked them before. People who are often cold to you will find it satisfying to do so; Don’t join their game by trying to make up over and over again.
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Don’t blame yourself for their actions. [5] X Source of Research If someone continues to ignore you even after you’ve worked hard to make up with them, that’s their decision. You shouldn’t blame yourself for not saying what you should have said or done differently to make them more interested in you and your point of view.
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Always open your heart. Let the friend or loved one who is ignoring you know your goodwill to make peace. [6] X Research Source Don’t turn your back on them. Some people face personal problems before figuring out how to keep a healthy relationship. Let them know that you’ll be there if they want to chat or need help.
Reconciling conflicts with the person who is ignoring you
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Treat this issue as a difference in communication. [7] X Research Source Don’t think that friends and lovers ignore you for the sake of evil. Maybe your lover ignores you just to avoid tearing up the conflict and making things worse. Maybe they want to have some space and let the two of you calm down after the argument. If you understand the other person’s point of view when you choose to remain silent, it will be easier for you to make peace with them and avoid aggravating the conflict.
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Accept your feelings. The feeling of being ignored by someone you care about is very painful. You’ll feel frustrated, angry, and sad about being ignored. If you feel this way, don’t pretend to think you’re okay. [8] X Research Source Accepting your feelings is the first step in expressing yourself and letting others know that they are behaving unkindly.
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Plan for mediation. Mediation usually takes place at a specific time for a purpose with the rule of not raising voices and not insulting each other. In mediation, both parties will be prepared to face the issue and make their point. [9] X Research Sources Asking to participate in mediation can be helpful if someone is ignoring you because of a persistent problem or issues that make it harder for you to build a closer relationship.
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Act differently than usual. You will try a different way of communicating. [10] X Research Source If you are a “hot-tempered” debater – often shouting, angry and prone to emotional outbursts, you should practice controlling the heated atmosphere at that time. If you’re a “cold” debater – ignore others, walk away to find your own space when the argument comes up, and only try to explain yourself and your point of view after a few minutes of pondering the answer , you need to add candor and emotion to conflict resolution (but don’t shout and curse).
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Apologize when needed. If you realize your hurtful behavior through their explanation, explain that you didn’t mean to do it and apologize. However, make it clear that you also feel hurt by being ignored by them. Forgive the person who ignores you and express your wish that they will also forgive you, if necessary. [11] X Research Source
- Sometimes it’s hard to understand why other people are upset by the innocuous things you say or do. Even so, you should still apologize if they give you a confusing or unwarranted explanation for ignoring you.
Advice
- Give the person ignoring you more time. Then gradually start talking to them again! If they really want to maintain that friendship, they won’t continue to ignore you.
- If you don’t understand why someone is ignoring you, you should talk to them and try to work things out.
- Too often, many people ignore others when they need time and space to deal with personal problems. Don’t mind it, respect their privacy.
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This article was co-written by Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Amber Rosenberg is a career coach certified by the International Federation of Coaches, based in the San Francisco Bay area. She has over 20 years of coaching experience and has worked for corporations, technology companies and nonprofits. Amber works for the Coach Training Institute and is a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,986 times.
Being ignored will make you feel hurt. Deciding how to react to the situation can also be a headache, especially if you don’t know if you were being ignored accidentally or on purpose. Your response should be based on how often the person ignoring you does so and how well they communicate. Understanding why others are ignoring you will help you respond in a proactive and healthy way.
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