How to Raise Self-Esteem

“Self-esteem” is a combination of our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves. Because our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs change all the time, so does our self-esteem. ^{[1] X Research Source} Low self-esteem can negatively impact your mental health, relationships, school and work life. However, there are ways to help you feel good about yourself and boost your self-esteem.

Table of Contents

Raise self-esteem

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Mature in thought and belief. Try to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive thoughts. Don’t forget that you are unique and unique, worthy of everyone’s love and respect and your own. Try the following strategies: ^{[2] X Research Sources}^{[3] X Research Resources}

Speak hopeful statements. Be optimistic and avoid pessimistic self-fulfilling prophecies. Bad things will often happen if you wait for it. For example, if you intended your presentation to be poor, it might turn out just right. Instead, be optimistic. Tell yourself, “Although it will be challenging, I can do this presentation well.”
Focus on “can” statements and avoid “should” statements. The “should” implies that there is something you need to do and this can be overwhelming if you do not meet that expectation. Instead, focus on what you CAN do.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good things in your life. Remind yourself of recent smooth sailings. Think about the skills you have used to deal with difficult situations.
Be your own cheerleader. Give yourself positive words of encouragement and acknowledge what you do. For example, you might find that even though you’re not doing as much exercise as you’d like, you’re going to the gym an extra session a week. Acknowledge the positive changes you’ve made. For example, “My presentation may not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and were interested – so I accomplished my goal.”

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Set goals and expectations. List the things you want to accomplish and make a plan to get there. For example, you might decide to volunteer more, find a new hobby, or spend time with friends. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Make sure your goals and expectations are realistic. ^{[5] X Research Sources} Doubting the impossible will not improve your self-esteem, on the contrary, it will only lower your self-esteem. For example, suddenly you want to achieve your dream of playing professional hockey at the age of 40. This is unrealistic and it will hit your self-esteem when you realize that goal is too far away and can not be achieved. ^{[6] X Research Sources}
Instead, set more realistic goals, such as deciding to learn guitar or a new sport. Setting within reach goals that you can strive to accomplish will help you stop the negative thinking patterns that lower your self-esteem. As you set and accomplish your goals, you will enjoy a sense of satisfaction and gain the strength to push back against the feeling of inferiority caused by not reaching your ideal and far-fetched goals, just like a person. perfect lover, perfect chef, perfect anything.
You can also set goals that can help you see and feel your own abilities. For example, if you want to learn more about the world, you should decide to read the newspaper every day for a month. Or you want to know how to fix your bike and choose to teach yourself how to calibrate the bike. When you achieve your goals of being able to handle your work, you’ll feel stronger and more competent, and more satisfied with yourself.

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Take care of yourself. Some of us spend so much time worrying and taking care of others that we forget about our own physical and mental health. On the other hand, some people feel so nauseous that they think it makes no sense to spend time and effort on self-care. After all, self-care can also help improve self-esteem. The healthier you are physically and mentally, the more likely you are to be satisfied with yourself. Note that taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you have to be slim, fit, and perfect, but that you strive to be healthy the way you see it. Some suggestions are: ^{[7] X Research Sources}^{[8] X Research Sources}

Eat at least three meals a day of healthy and nutritious foods like whole grains, poultry, fish and fresh vegetables for energy and nutrients. Drink water to stay hydrated.
Avoid processed foods, foods high in sugar, and caffeinated drinks. These can affect mood and should be avoided if you are concerned about mood swings or negative emotions. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Do exercise. Research has shown that exercise can really boost self-esteem. That’s because exercise causes the body to release “happy chemicals” called endorphins. This sense of well-being can be accompanied by increased optimism and energy. Try to spend at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week with intense exercise. You should at least take time for a brisk walk every day. ^{[10] X Research Source}
Reduce stress. Make a plan to reduce stress in your daily life by making time for relaxation and activities that excite you. Practice meditation, take a yoga class, do gardening, or any other activity that makes you feel calm and optimistic. Note that sometimes stress makes it easy to overreact or let negative emotions take over. ^{[11] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}^{[12] X Research Source}

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Look back on your life and achievements. Maybe you didn’t give enough credit for what you’ve accomplished in life. Impress yourself, not anyone else. Take the time to reflect and look back on the great accomplishments of the past day, big or small. Not only will this help you better understand your success, but it will also give you a place in the world and the value you bring to the people around you. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Grab a notebook or diary and spend 20 to 30 minutes. During this time, list all of your accomplishments. Remember to jot down everything , from the big achievements to the little everyday things. The list should include things like learning to drive, getting through college, moving into a private apartment, making a good friend, cooking a delicious meal, getting a degree or bonus, finding a job.” growing up” first, and things like that. Such possibilities are endless! Take out the list from time to time to add new achievements. You will find that you have much to be proud of. ^{[14] X Research Source}
Review old photos, scrapbooks, school yearbooks, mementos from your travels, you can even think about using collages of your life and achievements to record the day. passed. ^{[15] X Research Source}

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Do things that interest you. Make time to do something that makes you happy every day, whether it’s cooking, reading, exercising, gardening, or just spending an hour chatting with your partner. Don’t feel guilty about enjoying time; you deserve it. Repeat that sentence if necessary. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Try new activities; You may discover talents and skills that you never expected before. Maybe you got into running and discovered that you’re really good at long-distance running, an ability you never thought of. This can help boost your self-esteem. ^{[17] X Research Source}
Consider engaging in artistic activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance. Artistic endeavors often help people know how to express themselves and get a sense of “mastering” a discipline or skill. Many communities offer free or low tuition classes.

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Helping others. Research has shown that people who volunteer are happier and have higher self-esteem. It may sound paradoxical to say that if you want to be happy with yourself, you should help someone, but science has proven that feeling socially connected comes with volunteering or helping others. make us more optimistic about ourselves. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

There are countless opportunities to help others. Volunteer at a nursing home or homeless shelter. Join the temple to help the sick or needy. Dedicating time and effort to the animal welfare association. Help and teach children. Clean up the park on community-organized occasions. ^{[19] X Research Source}

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Adjust your self-image if necessary. People are always changing, and you need to change your perception of yourself to accommodate who you are. Raising self-esteem is pointless if you don’t see yourself correctly. Maybe you were really good at math as a kid, but now your math skills are barely enough to calculate the area of your house. Maybe once you were very religious, but now you follow a certain ideology and no longer go to church. Adjust your self-perception in response to your current life realities. Don’t expect yourself to be good at math or to stick with the mental element. ^{[20] X Research Sources}^{[21] X Research Sources}

Judge yourself based on the PRESENT, as well as the skills, interests, and beliefs you currently have, not the old “version” of who you were.

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Get rid of the idea of perfection. No one is perfect in the world. Think of it as your new mantra. You will never have a perfect life, perfect body, perfect family, perfect job and the like. No one has such things. Perfection is a contrived concept and popularity is created by society and the media. It is harming us by suggesting that perfection IS achievable, the problem is that we are not talented enough. ^{[22] X Research Source}

Focus on effort instead of dreams and perfection. If you don’t try something out of fear of not being able to do it perfectly, you missed the opportunity in the first place. If you never try to play on the basketball team then you probably won’t get a spot on the team. Don’t let the pressure of perfection stop your progress. ^{[23] X Research Sources}
Accept that you are a human being, that being human is fundamentally imperfect and prone to mistakes. Maybe you’ve been grumpy with your kids or told a harmless lie at work. No problem. People often make mistakes. Instead of blaming yourself for your mistakes, see them as opportunities to learn and grow, things that you can correct in the future. Maybe you realize that you need to think harder before you speak, or that lying is never a good solution. Be kind to yourself and move forward. It’s not easy, but it’s the key to avoiding the vicious cycle of self-pity and low self-esteem.

Dealing with low self-esteem

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Find the triggers that lower your self-esteem. Think about circumstances and situations that might make you feel unsatisfied with yourself. For many people, typical triggers can be meetings at work, presentations at school, personal problems at home or at work, and major life changes such as leaving home. leaving home, changing careers, or breaking up with a spouse. ^{[24] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

You may also need to consider the people who make you feel uncomfortable with yourself. You cannot control the behavior of others; You can only control your reactions and allow their behavior to affect you to some extent. If someone behaves rudely, petty, or disrespectfully towards you, understand that they too have their own troubles and emotional problems that cause them to act negatively. But if the person is causing your self-esteem to drop, it’s best to stay away or leave the place where they are, especially if the person reacts negatively when you try to question their behavior. .
Although the opinions and ideas of others have a certain impact in your life, do not arrange your life according to them. Listen and accept what works for you. You are in charge of your life, no one can do it for you.

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Watch out for thought patterns that erode your self-esteem. For many of us, negative thoughts and beliefs can become so normal that we take it for granted that they accurately reflect reality. Try to recognize some of the major patterns that lower your self-esteem: ^{[25] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Turning Positives into Negatives – You underestimate your accomplishments and good experiences. For example, when you get a promotion at work, instead of seeing it as a reward for your hard work, you downplay your personal ability: “I got the promotion just because of me. I live in the same neighborhood as my boss.”
All or nothing thinking or binary thinking – In your thinking, your life and all your actions have only two directions. Things can only be good or bad, positive or negative, etc. For example, you don’t get into the top prestigious school of your dreams but get grades in five other schools, but you still insist on thinking that you are. failed and worthless because you didn’t get into Harvard. You see things as completely good or completely bad.
Screening Psychology – You only see the negative side of things and filter all the others. This often creates a distorted picture of people and situations. For example, when you make a typo in a report, you think the report is worthless, your boss will think you are stupid and can’t do the job.
Rushing to negative conclusions – You come up with a worst-case scenario even though there is almost no evidence to support that argument. For example: “I sent an invitation to my friend half an hour ago but no reply, she must hate me”.
False feelings about things – You infer that your feelings reflect a larger truth. For example: “I feel like a complete failure, so I am a complete failure”.
Negative monologue – You speak to yourself with negative words, including criticism, curses, or self-deprecating sarcasm. For example, when you are five minutes late, you keep blaming yourself and calling yourself “stupid”.

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Take a step back to re-evaluate your thoughts. Repeat those negative thoughts over and over until they become odd or almost wordy. Think about it, if you repeat a word over and over, it starts to become meaningless (you can try this with the word “fork”, for example). You can also write down your negative thoughts with your left hand to see how different they are. Maybe it doesn’t even look like your handwriting!

Those experiences can help you to distance yourself from your thoughts, so that you are able to observe them more objectively, almost with the eyes of an outsider. You will find that negative thoughts and self-deprecation are just words, nothing more and nothing less. And words can change. ^{[26] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

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Accept all your thoughts – even the negative ones! While the old adage is often used to change or combat certain negative thoughts or feelings, sometimes it only makes matters worse when you realize that it’s always easier said than done. Instead, accept those thoughts without necessarily approving them. Negative thoughts come into your head and are there. They may not be true, but they do exist. You don’t have to love them, but you need to accept that you are having those thoughts. ^{[27] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Instead of trying to control your negative thoughts, make an effort to minimize their effect on you. Understand that negative thinking is counterproductive and try not to let it overwhelm your sense of self and worth in the world.

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Put positive thoughts next to negative thoughts. Turn the negative things you think about yourself into positive things. ^{[28] X Research Sources}

For example, if you often call yourself ugly, add that you look lovely today. If you think you can never do anything right, say you do a lot of things right and give some examples. Consider doing this by keeping a journal to track your positive thoughts. Read the diary before you go to bed and when you wake up.
Write these positive statements on sticky notes and stick them in visible places like on the bathroom mirror. Thus, those statements are reinforced and imprinted in your mind. Hopefully over time positive thoughts will replace negative thoughts.

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Stop comparing. Comparing yourself to others often results in low self-esteem. ^{[29] X Research Sources} Your friend won a scholarship and you didn’t. Your sister found a job right after graduation, but you can’t. A colleague of yours has 500 friends on facebook, while you only have 200. The more you compare yourself to others, the more inferior you feel. Such comparisons are lame, important because they assume all circumstances to be the same. Maybe your sister got a job soon because she participated in an experimental program with many opportunities. Or your colleague has a lot of “friends” on facebook because he makes friends with everyone he meets. Yes, your friend won a scholarship, but maybe his parents can’t help and he has to work part-time 20 hours a week at that school. ^{[30] X Research Source}

You should focus on yourself . Compete with yourself. Challenge yourself to move forward. Do you want to win a scholarship? Then challenge yourself to do it next year, but you also need to spend extra time studying outside of class. Don’t forget that you can only control your behavior, so you need to focus on that.

Advice

No one can give you self-esteem. You have to find it yourself.
Avoid the tendency to turn self-esteem into conceit and arrogance. Self-compassion doesn’t mean that you indulge in “reflection,” an act of indulgence in thinking too much about yourself and your experiences.

Steps

Raise self-esteem

Dealing with low self-esteem

Advice

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