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This article was co-written by Arda Ozdemir, MA. Arda Ozdemir is an executive coach and founder of Rise 2 Realize, a Palo Alto, California nonprofit that provides a hands-on road map towards developing one’s full potential. in life and career. Arda is an expert in the application of Reiki, the art of emotional release, and a HeartMath coach and mentor.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,121 times.
We humans are selfish at times. Although encouraged by many social factors, selfishness only hurts people and sometimes brings no benefit to anyone. [1] X Research Sources Selfish people can eventually lose friendships or loved ones, because a relationship with a selfish person is often difficult to maintain, no matter how attractive and interesting that person may be. to what taste. A truly selfish person will not think that he is selfish at all. Many people think that selfishness and pride are good, and that only fools put others before themselves. If you are worried that you are being too selfish and want to be more grateful and humble, there are many things you can do.
Steps
Change your perspective
- Try to put yourself last in at least three situations this week. See how comfortable you feel when you don’t have to constantly calculate what benefits you’ll get.
- Of course, once you have a balance you shouldn’t always put yourself last, or you could end up in a situation where others take advantage of you. But it’s good practice if you’re still used to putting yourself first.
- If you can’t put yourself last even once, you probably have a problem you don’t know about.
- For example, before you attempt to scold the waitress for bringing the wrong dish, think about how she feels. Maybe she’s tired of standing for ten hours straight, dark with too many tables to serve, or she’s depressed about something; Do you absolutely have to scare her just to get what you want?
- Practice humility and simplicity. This universe is so vast and wonderful, of which you are only a very small part. Don’t think that for some reason you deserve preferential treatment over others just because you are “you.”
- Others may question your motives when you try to do something for someone else. This will encourage you to be even less selfish. Don’t give up and assume that selfishness is your nature and cannot be changed.
- You will feel more comfortable simplifying your life and getting rid of the things you think you need. If you buy just one new sweater instead of five, you’ll only have to worry about losing one sweater.
- This is a great skill when you are learning to compromise. You may find it easier to yield to others if you realize that what you are craving is nothing more than an instant lust.
- Remember that selfishness can also manifest in not wanting to spend time with others. Some people may be generous in material things but stingy in their time.
- Put aside feelings of jealousy or bitterness and taste the success of others. If you only aspire to be the most successful person all the time, ask yourself if you are missing out on something in your life that keeps you from being satisfied with your accomplishments.
- You can even ask for feedback when you have a problem instead of just accepting it when it comes. This takes courage and confidence.
- Selfish people are never satisfied and always want more, more, more. If you want to stop being selfish, you have to learn to think that you already have great things in life. All the fun or gifts will come to you as an added bonus.
- Time also needs to be counted. You should recognize the time you have taken for yourself and be willing to take some of your free time to help others. If you continue to not want to spend time with anyone else, you will eventually lose friends.
Caring for everyone
- Listen to your friends and be aware of their circumstances. Many people desperately need help but are afraid to ask for help.
- Every conversation should have equal speaking and listening time. If you have a habit of dominating the conversation alone, next time you will have to practice listening skills when you talk.
- Selfish people are often more focused on themselves than on others, and that’s why they don’t really take the time to listen.
- You can show interest without suffocating them. The next time you talk to someone, aim to talk 20% less and ask a few more questions than usual to see how you feel.
- You may find yourself becoming “addicted” to giving to charity. Soon you will stop thinking about what you don’t have because you are busy making plans to help others.
- Dogs will demand a lot of responsibility from you. Taking on responsibilities – especially when serving others – will certainly help you to stop being selfish.
- People can be hesitant to ask for help even when it’s obvious they need it. It’s up to you to guess when you can help without interfering in their private affairs.
- Food is also a big deal. Selfish people hate sharing food. While everyone needs to have enough to feed themselves, ask yourself if you really need that much, or if you won’t lose anything by sharing it with friends or roommates. .
- You’ll be even less selfish as a team leader. You will then find that the interests of the group are often more important than the interests of the individual, and that compromise is necessary for everyone’s satisfaction.
- It’s okay to ask for advice, talk about what’s happened to you, and talk about what you want to the extent that it makes sense, but it doesn’t do much good if you’re known to see nothing but yourself. yourself when interacting with people. Besides, if everyone knew that you were only talking about yourself, no one would want to play with you anymore.
- Try to give someone a small gift each month to show how much you love them. And it really makes you feel better, too!
- If your budget doesn’t allow it, you can also spend your time helping someone.
Attentive to everyone
- Don’t be bound to do what you want blindly. Focus on understanding the situation from both sides.
- Ask yourself, “Who wants that more than who?” Do you really need it that much, or do you insist on getting it just out of stubbornness?
- Listen to the other person and see from their perspective before reacting.
- Selfish people often assume that they always “deserve” the best treatment. It’s time for you to stop and think about all the people who truly make your life better.
- Giving up control also helps you to be less stressed and happier. Think about how much easier your life would be if you weren’t obsessed with the idea that everything has to go your way bit by bit.
- Sometimes things will be easier and less stressful if you give in to someone else’s schedule.
- On the other hand, don’t get mad if someone forgets your birthday. Things like this happen all the time, and there’s no point in acting like everyone has to remember everything about you.
Advice
- It will take time to change yourself, but realizing that you have a behavior problem is also a big step.
- Give others a hug when needed. Don’t hold back your emotions or stop the tears just because of your ego.
- Try to stop judging others and learn to empathize with them.
- Encourage everyone, because everyone needs encouragement.
- Don’t hate yourself because you think you can’t change. You can do it.
- Don’t expect that you will change completely overnight.
- Avoid using the word “I”.
- If there’s only one cake left at the party and someone wants it, give it to them or offer to split it in half.
- At Christmas, make a donation to those less fortunate.
- Try not to give “opinions” unless someone asks for your opinion or when the whole group is speaking, or you are asked for constructive criticism.
- Make sure you don’t go to the extreme of “dependence”, aka codependency. Taking care of others is good, but you also need to make time for yourself.
Warning
- Don’t be harsh with others just because you’re stressed.
- Don’t take credit for helping others. The purpose of charity is to do the right thing, not to gain fame.
This article was co-written by Arda Ozdemir, MA. Arda Ozdemir is an executive coach and founder of Rise 2 Realize, a Palo Alto, California nonprofit that provides a hands-on road map towards developing one’s full potential. in life and career. Arda is an expert in the application of Reiki, the art of emotional release, and a HeartMath coach and mentor.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,121 times.
We humans are selfish at times. Although encouraged by many social factors, selfishness only hurts people and sometimes brings no benefit to anyone. [1] X Research Sources Selfish people can eventually lose friendships or loved ones, because a relationship with a selfish person is often difficult to maintain, no matter how attractive and interesting that person may be. to what taste. A truly selfish person will not think that he is selfish at all. Many people think that selfishness and pride are good, and that only fools put others before themselves. If you are worried that you are being too selfish and want to be more grateful and humble, there are many things you can do.
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