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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 3,679 times.
The emergence of mixed emotions often leaves you confused, upset, tired, and stuck. “Mixed feelings” means that you have mixed feelings about a person or situation. This is because you meet new people, situations, behaviors, or new processing information. Contradictory feelings are not only present in a relationship between a man and a woman or a new relationship, but also in relationships with friends, family, or colleagues, with whom you are so familiar. An example would be that you love and admire your best friend because she cares about others and is kind. However, you feel jealous because she is popular and attracts other people’s attention. To deal with mixed feelings towards others, you need to clearly identify your own feelings, seek solutions, and seek help if needed.
Steps
Identify emotions
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List your feelings for this person. Use the Problem, Choice, Outcome (PICC) model to identify emotions. [1] X Lecroy Research Source 2008 The first step is to identify all of your feelings towards them. Some examples of emotions might include concern, doubt, shame, etc.
- Make a list of all the emotions you’re aware of. Do not divide emotions into good or bad groups, such as a list of pros and cons. You just need to write it all down. Emotions are not “good or bad”; they all have their own purpose.
- For example, your feelings toward a colleague or acquaintance might be awkward, respectful, annoyed, or annoyed.
- Your feelings towards someone close, such as a close friend or loved one can be love, disappointment, anger, comfort, etc.
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Remember the time you spent with this person. Emotion recognition is not easy. You can start recalling the moment and then add emotion to it. Think about your recent encounter with them. Write a list of your feelings during that period.
- You may find that your feelings are not caused by the person or the relationship with them, but because of the situation at the time, or something they said or did.
- For example, you go on a date and make a pretty good first impression. Then this person takes you to a party but you don’t know anyone, and feel uncomfortable or shy. In this example, the strange situation or environment makes you unnatural, not this person.
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Identify what causes this feeling. There are many other triggers that bring about such feelings for you. This may not be this person’s fault. You should identify the main trigger that creates the emotion.
- This step is more detailed than situation identification. Remember the moment when the emotion appeared. Identify the word or action immediately preceding it.
- For example, if you remember being rejected on a date, you can recall a time when the other person left you. This could be the source of your feelings of rejection.
- In addition to the emotion and situation, you can write down the source of that emotion.
Separate emotions from this person
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Emotion analysis. After you’ve identified an emotion with another person and the moment it occurred, you need to delve deeper into these emotional streams. Mixed emotions can stem from many causes. Understanding the cause will help you deal with this emotional upset.
- For example, if you have low self-esteem, [2] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source you may not feel worthy of this person and therefore not allow yourself to form a relationship.
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Think about people in the past. A common reason for forming mixed feelings towards another person is that this person reminds us of someone from the past. We unknowingly make judgments about the qualities or expectations of new people based on past relationships and experiences, in a process called “transformation.” [3] X Research Sources Your superiors remind you of a mean first grade teacher, so you don’t want to follow instructions from your superiors.
- Think about the people in your life that make you feel the same way about this new person. See if you recognize the same pattern.
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See how others treat you. Does this person respect you? Is he abusive to you? When a person is nice to you at one time, but turns bad another time, you can be confused with your feelings. Think about how others treat you. Do you get emotional when they treat you like that?
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Be honest with yourself. Determining whether or not emotions are relevant to others is essential in understanding how to deal with mixed emotions. After you separate your own feelings from those brought on by others, you can realize your true feelings.
Looking for a solution
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List some possible solutions. You’ve identified the cause of your feelings for this person, then you’ve made a choice. List workarounds in this case. Even if the choice is not the best, you should still write it down. This helps you visualize the solution picture for yourself. For example, a list with a colleague or acquaintance might look like this:
- Emotions: Confused
- Scenario: A friend praises my completed project, but an hour later the same person criticizes me.
- Possible solutions: Face to face, keep it in your heart, talk to your parents, start rumors at school, tell your teacher, etc..
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Identify the possibilities. Next to the solution, you can write down all possible consequences or outcomes. The list could be as follows:
- Choice: Bring up the problem directly to a friend
- Ability: Friend becomes annoyed
- Ability: A friend understands what you say
- Ability: I feel uncomfortable talking about how the situation affects me
- Choice: Hide in your heart
- Possibility: The problem continues
- Ability: The problem ends on its own
- Possibility: The problem continues to bother me
- Choice of: Talk to your parents
- Possibility: I will feel better about this situation
- Ability: On the field nothing changes
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Compare advantages and disadvantages. Evaluate possibilities. Analyze satisfaction with each outcome. Consider how you feel when making choices and the other person’s feelings.
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Give decision. Based on the above results, you can choose the most suitable solution. This choice must be the best for you and your partner. You should choose the solution that gives the required outcome and the consequences that you are willing to face.
- In the friend situation, for example, it may not be reasonable to spread rumors in school. The consequences can be dire or impact your relationships with others. At this point, you can move on to the second solution, which is to hide it in your heart. Maybe your friend is having a bad time and takes it out on you. Maybe you were a little sensitive that day.
- Prepare yourself for the outcomes listed above.
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If still not satisfied, you can try another method. If silence does not solve the problem then you should go through the list and look for other options. You need to make sure that this choice respects both.
Looking for help
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Talk to a trusted friend. This helps you get an outsider’s input while working on solutions and possible outcomes. Ask a friend to help you while you make the list.
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Talk to a counselor about this particular situation. The interpretation and definition of emotions are complex and often painful. That is why psychotherapy is aimed at these problems. A psychologist has the ability to help you define your feelings clearly. They also find aspects that you wouldn’t normally think of. Then you can realize your true feelings.
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Deal with complex emotions. If you are constantly in a situation with no solution, you need to seek professional help. You should also seek support when you find that the previous model of resolution did not work.
- Also, if you see a person or situation that has brought back emotions from the past, you should see a professional to work through your emotional problems. A psychologist will help you identify complex emotions, even those that are difficult to admit. Psychiatrists also teach you the skills you need to approach others effectively and respectfully.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 3,679 times.
The emergence of mixed emotions often leaves you confused, upset, tired, and stuck. “Mixed feelings” means that you have mixed feelings about a person or situation. This is because you meet new people, situations, behaviors, or new processing information. Contradictory feelings are not only present in a relationship between a man and a woman or a new relationship, but also in relationships with friends, family, or colleagues, with whom you are so familiar. An example would be that you love and admire your best friend because she cares about others and is kind. However, you feel jealous because she is popular and attracts other people’s attention. To deal with mixed feelings towards others, you need to clearly identify your own feelings, seek solutions, and seek help if needed.
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