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Feelings of sexual desire or desire are completely natural. You may have a lust for that particular person or be drawn to activities such as masturbation or watching pornography. However, there are times when these desires become unbearable or occur unintentionally. If you can’t get rid of these thoughts and feelings, don’t worry – you can take steps to control the urges. Your doctor or counselor can help if you can’t deal with the problem on your own.
Steps
Set limits for yourself
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Staying away from temptations can help you control your desires. For example, if you can’t resist watching porn every time you turn on your computer, download an app or browser extension to block those websites. If you’ve always struggled to control your cravings for the flesh with someone, limit your time with them if possible. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- You’ll be less likely to be driven by desires when you’re in high-traffic places. For example, try using the computer in a public place like a park bench or a coffee shop instead of sitting alone in a room.
- If you’re going to the bar or the beach, get a friend to distract you so you don’t have to look around.
List reasons to resist desire
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Clearly define the values you hold dear to strengthen your resolve. When you set a goal for yourself — whether it’s eating healthier or resisting temptation — it helps to have a clear idea of why you need to. [2] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source Write down key reasons why this is important to you to revisit whenever you feel your resolve falter lay. For example, your reasons might include:
- “I want to keep it to myself until I get married, because sex is sacred and special to me.”
- “I want to resist the temptation to be faithful to my partner.”
- “Self-discipline is an important part of my spiritual beliefs. I want to get over my lustful thoughts to improve my relationship with the Supreme Being.”
- “I don’t want sexual urges and unwanted behaviors to ruin relationships and cause problems in my work life.”
Identify triggers
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Understand your desires to make them easier to control. The next time you feel the urge to kick in, think about what’s going on. For example, do sexual thoughts arise when you are stressed or bored? [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source Or when you are around people or places (such as at the beach or at a bar)? Write a list of factors that can trigger those unwanted thoughts and feelings, and jot down some ideas on how to cope.
- For example, if you notice more sexually lustful thoughts popping up when you’re bored, find a way to keep your mind occupied. Try listening to music or a fun podcast while doing tedious chores like folding clothes.
- You may find that you often rely on sexual thoughts and behaviors to cope with stress. If so, find other methods and create healthier habits.
Find healthy ways to keep yourself busy
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Relieve stress and entertain yourself with interesting hobbies and activities. The next time sexual thoughts start to invade your mind, go out for a run or chat with a friend on the phone. You can also do something creative like painting, playing an instrument, or cooking. These activities will help you banish unwanted cravings. [4] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Rekindling romantic feelings with your partner
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Re-strengthening your relationship can help you resist temptation. If you’re married or in a committed relationship, remind yourself of your partner’s attractions. Try to spend quality time with your other half. Make an effort to cultivate love, affection, and physical closeness with your partner. This will help you focus back on your loved one instead of on other people. [5] X Research Sources If you are unsure how to rekindle the fire with your partner, you can try the following: [6] X Research Sources
- Set aside a little time each day—even if it’s only 10-15 minutes at one time or another—to talk about funny things. Make it a rule not to talk about work, school, kids or any other routine during this special time!
- List 10 things you like best about your partner or fond memories with that person.
- Try new activities with your partner, like going away for the weekend, taking dance lessons, or discovering a new restaurant.
- Show physical intimacy. Even without sex, couples in love have other ways of cuddling, such as hugging, kissing, or rubbing each other’s backs.
Apply relaxation techniques
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If stress is the trigger for sexual obsession, relaxing activities can help. If you’re feeling stressed, listen to soothing music, do stretches, or do yoga. Taking a shower or going for a walk can also help. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If you’re often distracted when you’re relaxing alone, try signing up for a class (like an online tai chi course) or participating in relaxing activities with friends.
Join a self-help group
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Like-minded people can be a great source of support. You can ask your doctor or therapist to recommend a support group or find one online. When you’re part of a group, you’ll feel less alone, and your feelings of unwanted sexual desire may be less frustrating. Other team members can also share strategies and tips to help you deal with the problem. [8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If you’re still social distancing or feel uncomfortable meeting people, find online support groups.
- You may have to try talking to different groups to find the right group.
- Self-help groups come in many forms. Some are based on religious beliefs, others favor a psychological approach. Think about the methods that work best for you and look for groups that meet your needs.
Pray for God’s grace to guide you if you are religious or believe in spirituality
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Prayer can help you find peace and clarity. Many people of faith rely on prayer when they are struggling with problems such as desires and temptations. If you believe in God, set aside some time each day to pray for God’s grace to guide you.
- For example, some Christians read specific scriptures that help them refocus their thoughts on their commitment to God (such as Psalm 19:14). [9] X Research Source
- Studies show that prayer brings greater peace and happiness when you pray in a positive mood and focus on talking to God instead of blaming yourself and brooding over failures. mine. [10] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source For example, instead of saying “Lord, I failed and gave in to temptation again“, try saying “Lord, I’m so grateful I found it.” be on the path to becoming the person you want to be. Ask Him to guide me through the test against tempting thoughts.”
Seek the advice of a religious or spiritual leader
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They can give you faith-based guidance. If you are religious or believe in spirituality, it may be helpful to consult someone who shares your beliefs. Ask to see a chaplain you trust or find a counselor using faith-based therapy. Explain that you are having lustful thoughts and ask if they can suggest ways to cope.
- You may feel embarrassed, but remember that they most likely have experienced similar problems themselves! Their job is also to help people overcome faith-related issues, whatever the problem may be.
Practice mindfulness meditation
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Find meditation tutorials online or sign up for a class. Studies show that mindfulness meditation can help people overcome any sexual challenge, including feelings of shame or sexual discomfort. [11] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to the source It can help reduce your cravings and stress. Proceed as follows:
- Sit or lie in a quiet, comfortable place. Close your eyes if you like.
- Slowly take a few deep breaths. Focus on feeling your belly rise and fall with your breath.
- Focus on other senses, such as feelings of tension in your body or things you perceive from your surroundings (like sounds or scents).
- Sit for a few minutes and focus on your thoughts. You may find yourself having sexual feelings or thoughts. Be aware of them without trying to analyze or judge.
- Gently focus back on the breath for a few minutes before returning to normal activities.
Accept that sexual thoughts and feelings are normal
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Trying to suppress unwanted thoughts and feelings won’t work. This can be frustrating, but you’ll feel so much better if you acknowledge your thoughts instead of fighting them! Instead of ignoring or trying to get those thoughts out of your mind, you should just be aware of them and let them be without judgment. Eventually your mind will turn to other things. [12] X Research Source
- Labeling these thoughts as “unwanted” or “disturbing” is also helpful. Don’t try to harshly criticize or analyze those thoughts – just calmly remind yourself that they are just unwanted. [13] X Research Source
- This does not mean that unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings will go away forever. In fact, prepare yourself for them to come back. Practice accepting those thoughts as they arise.
- No one can completely control their feelings and thoughts. Remind yourself that what goes on in your mind and body isn’t your fault and doesn’t make you a “bad” person, no matter how scary or indecent you feel. What matters is your reaction to those thoughts.
Talk to a therapist if you feel overwhelmed
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You can absolutely turn to help when you are in trouble. See your doctor or find a therapist experienced in treating sexual problems. They can help you manage your emotions and determine if there are underlying issues that are making things worse. [14] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If you are struggling with persistent sexual fantasies or urges that interfere with your daily activities, or if you feel you can’t control your sexual behaviors, it could be you. suffer from “compulsive sexual behavior disorder”. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you fall into this category. It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Your doctor or therapist can help! [15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- The therapist may suggest methods such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or psychotherapy. Both of these therapies can help you recognize unhealthy thought and behavior patterns and build healthier habits.
Ask your doctor about medication if other measures don’t work
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Sometimes a chemical imbalance can cause obsessive sexual thoughts. If therapy alone is not successful, your doctor or therapist may recommend a combination of medication and therapy. This solution can be especially helpful if your sexual urges are related to another problem, such as an obsessive-compulsive disorder or a hormone imbalance. Some medications that may help include: [16] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to source
- Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, which can help reduce obsessive sexual thoughts.
- Naltrexone, a drug used to control addictive behaviors.
- Mood stabilizers such as those used to treat bipolar disorder.
- Anti-androgens, which help reduce hormones involved in sexual behaviors.
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This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 183,976 times.
Feelings of sexual desire or desire are completely natural. You may have a lust for that particular person or be drawn to activities such as masturbation or watching pornography. However, there are times when these desires become unbearable or occur unintentionally. If you can’t get rid of these thoughts and feelings, don’t worry – you can take steps to control the urges. Your doctor or counselor can help if you can’t deal with the problem on your own.
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