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This article was co-written by Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Dr. Tala Johartchi is a clinical psychologist living in downtown Los Angeles, California. With knowledge and training in empiric treatments, along with principles of therapy/behavior, Johartchi specializes in helping individuals, couples and families with substance use disorders, love addiction syndrome, emotional dependence, post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other common disorders such as depression, anxiety, relationship/attachment difficulties. She holds master’s and doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the American School of Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 32,496 times.
No matter how hard you try to cover it up with a smile, the envy is always there, in you. It can even spiral out of control and turn into jealousy or even depression. So before it gets swallowed up, what can we do to get rid of it? Learning to stop comparing yourself to others, appreciating what you have, and practicing these tips to change your perspective can help you deal with jealousy in time. Learn more about how to overcome your jealousy.
Steps
Understanding What is Envy
- For example, jealousy is when you find out that your girlfriend is flirting with another guy. Jealousy is when you see a friend in a brand new sports car.
- Wasting your time
- Makes you can’t think of anything else
- Destroying personal and professional relationships
- Subjugate your character
- Create negativity in you
- For example, do you also want the same car? Or is it because his ability to buy really expensive things makes you jealous?
- For example, you could write about your friend using a new sports car and how that makes you feel. What was your mood at that time? When he applied the brakes and stopped, how did you feel? What did you want to do/say? What did you really do/say? When he left, how did you feel? Come to think of it, how are you feeling now? What do you want your feeling to be?
Turn Jealousy into a Positive
- For example, maybe you envy your friend’s flourishing career while you’re still in the early stages. Be more patient with yourself – keep working hard and your turn will come.
- In general, envy comes from hasty judgment – thinking that one thing is better than another and making decisions based on what you don’t have. Try to be more open-minded instead of having stereotypes about which qualities are good and which are not.
- Remember that you don’t forgive others for doing something wrong. You choose to stand in their place and see the problem. As a result, you can truly empathize with their pride and sense of accomplishment.
- For example, you could say things like: “I’m proud of Trang that she’s been able to be so successful in her career. I also forgive myself for being slower than her in my advancement.”
- Expressing your admiration can be helpful. For example, you could say to a friend, “Congratulations on the new car! I’m really happy for you and your successes.”
- For example, if you are jealous of your friend’s new sports car because you wish you had the financial freedom to buy such items, set a goal of making money and/or saving more. .
- Break big goals into smaller, measurable goals. For example, if your goal is to earn and/or save more, one of your smaller goals would be to find a higher paying job or to advance in your current job. Another small goal might be to save 400,000 VND per week.
Avoid Compare
- Remember that it’s okay to be on the ladder of life unlike everyone else. For example, just because you may not have found the right job or life partner, doesn’t mean you’re any worse than the person you envy. Life is not a list of things we need to accomplish to achieve happiness. Everyone has their own path, and no path is more important or better than another.
- Knowing that everyone has struggles, needs or wants is enough to remind everyone that everyone is the same. It’s completely unnecessary to dig deep to find other people’s weaknesses! Rest assured that there are always things you can’t see, try to get rid of envious thoughts and focus on yourself.
Grateful
- When you find your mind drifting towards things you don’t have, consciously try to think about what you do have. Always do it every time you feel this sign of jealousy. When you stop yourself from sinking into jealousy and focus instead on the things that make you special and great, you will begin to see a much more positive outlook.
- Realize that not everyone gets what you have – in fact, your talents and possessions can even make others jealous.
- For example, if a friend’s musical talent makes you dream and your greatest desire is to become a singer-songwriter, do your best to achieve it. Put your soul into composing, take vocal courses, perform at open concerts (where audiences can sign up for performances) – give it your all. If you think there’s a chance for you to succeed in music, or you just feel so passionate about it that you want to spend your life singing, don’t let anything stop you.
- On the other hand, there are also things in life that hard work and intense desire cannot help. If you have a crush on a friend’s wife and they’re a happy couple, you’ll have to accept that this is something you can’t change. It is very important to accept reality before jealousy becomes extremely negative.
Change the View
- Your talent
- The things that make you most proud of your appearance
- Best friend
- Your dog
- Favorite food
- Things that make you laugh
- Memories make you happy
- What future plans are you looking forward to?
- Favorite items
- Achievements
- When you do, stop complaining – even those about yourself. Don’t put yourself down, compare unfairly with others, or wish things were different.
- You may find that, when you complain, you are also influencing others. It’s not fun to be with someone who only sees the bad side of things. Adjusting your attitude can help improve your relationships.
- Advertisement. For example, constantly seeing ads for expensive and unaffordable clothes can make you jealous of people with nice clothes. Ads make your envy worse. You may have to stop watching TV and reading novels instead of fashion magazines for a week.
- Social network. If you feel moved by the “humble” sharing when surfing Facebook, you are not alone. In fact, research shows that envy increases when using Facebook. [11] X Research Sources If you surf Facebook or other social networks regularly, try stopping them for at least a week.
- Research shows that praising someone who makes you jealous can benefit you. Find ways to compliment their efforts and contributions that make you feel appreciated. [13] X Research Source
Advice
- Do your best to resist the urge to compare yourself. Focus on improving yourself instead of becoming like everyone else.
- See envy as an opportunity for self-improvement, not as a reason to feel bad about yourself.
This article was co-written by Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Dr. Tala Johartchi is a clinical psychologist living in downtown Los Angeles, California. With knowledge and training in empiric treatments, along with principles of therapy/behavior, Johartchi specializes in helping individuals, couples and families with substance use disorders, love addiction syndrome, emotional dependence, post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other common disorders such as depression, anxiety, relationship/attachment difficulties. She holds master’s and doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the American School of Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 32,496 times.
No matter how hard you try to cover it up with a smile, the envy is always there, in you. It can even spiral out of control and turn into jealousy or even depression. So before it gets swallowed up, what can we do to get rid of it? Learning to stop comparing yourself to others, appreciating what you have, and practicing these tips to change your perspective can help you deal with jealousy in time. Learn more about how to overcome your jealousy.
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