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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,844 times.
Overcoming failure is about finding a new beginning in yourself. First, you have to get over the feeling of failure. Failure in a project, relationship, or goal can be exhausting, but if you acknowledge your disappointment and accept your mistake, you can move on. Optimism about reality will help you form new plans without forgetting the failure. Always remember, the long-term goal is recovery: adaptability and survival. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source Every failure is an opportunity to become stronger and wiser.
Steps
Feel the disappointment thoroughly
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Feel emotions. When you feel like a failure, you will have to overcome self-accusation, frustration, and despair. Suppressing feelings of distress can be harmful to your health, relationships, and future success. Pay attention to each emotion. Take time to name them, whether it’s anger, boredom, fear, or shame. [2] X Research Resources This will help you get through them without harming yourself or others.
- Take time to process your emotions. If you try to work through or let go of your disappointment before you know how it really feels, you may end up acting rashly.
- Suppressing painful sensations can take a toll on health, such as chronic pain, lack of sleep, and even heart attack. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Accept what happened. After feeling shocked and frustrated, you need to accept what happened. It will be difficult to move on if you keep blaming yourself or others, or pretending like nothing happened. Write and reflect back on what happened, their causes and effects. Record only the facts, no blame, judgment or justification. You can write a diary or a letter to yourself. [4] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If writing isn’t the right way to express yourself, you can find someone to confide in. A trusted friend or family member, or a counselor can help you overcome denial. [5] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Try to get opinions from those who were involved – but not emotionally involved in what just happened. For example, a friend soon noticed signs of a rift in your relationship.
- If you can’t get over denial – for example, you refuse to discuss or find out what happened, or don’t want to consider things you could have improved on, or ignore the consequences – Find out what’s stopping you. What do you fear will happen if you learn about this failure? [6] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source You may feel like a bad parent because your child is abusing substances, and instead of confronting the problem, you deny it. accept and give your child money to buy “clothes,” even though you know your child will use the money to buy medicine. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Identify irrational or excessive fears. [8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Worried that failure will put your intellect and abilities into doubt? Do you imagine you’re the only one going through this and you’re being judged? Are you worried that people will be disappointed and stop loving you if you don’t succeed?
- Evaluate the results of taking action or not taking action. What will you achieve with action? What will get worse if you don’t take action? [9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source You feel the relationship is failing, and to avoid suffering the pain of a breakup, you refuse to date or review the mistakes in the relationship . If you don’t act, you’ll avoid rejection or the pain of breaking up. But you also miss out on the fun and warmth of dating, and you probably miss out on a very great relationship.
Think thoroughly about failure
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Practice rearranging things in a positive way. Positive alignment is about finding optimism in any situation, even failure. Observe the situation in which you feel a failure and see different ways to describe it. “Failure” is a subjective term. Instead of saying “I failed to find a job”, you can say “I haven’t found a job yet” or “It took longer to find a job than I thought”. Don’t try to justify the mistake, assert it without judgment and seek the best. [10] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Another way to reframe the situation is to find out why you didn’t succeed, and then use that information the next time. The only way to find a way that works is to find a way that doesn’t work.
- Failure gives you the opportunity to learn until you get it right.
- Athletes, scientists or successful people all have to try and fail many times, but they persevere until they reach their goal. Michael Jordan was dropped from the basketball team in high school, but he trained hard and became one of the greatest athletes of all time.
- Try using a sense of humor to encourage yourself when you’re frustrated: “Fine, I haven’t found a job yet, but now I’m writing a super job application.” [11] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Seeing the humor in the situation will help you take a step back and see things.
- Humor is the key to recovery: smiling at yourself helps you get through your biggest challenges. [12] X Research Source
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Identify negative thoughts. When you fail, you tend to beat yourself up or even make a name for yourself. Learn to identify common negative thoughts so you can eliminate them. These thoughts can be: thinking all or nothing (“Did I do well the first time or should I give up”); aggravating the matter (“It sucks. There’s no way I can get up”); or negative self-label (“I’m a failure, a fake.”). [13] X Research Source
- When you see these thoughts appear, you must doubt them. They come from the negative side, the criticism side. Ask yourself “Is this true?” Look for evidence to prove or disprove the accusations. [14] X Research Source
- Write affirmations against negative thoughts. If you continue to think of yourself as a failure, you should write “I am capable” on a sticky note and stick it in the mirror. Say it out loud to yourself and you can begin to change negative thoughts. [15] X Research Source
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Stop repeating failures. Do you find yourself unable to stop thinking about what happened, over and over in your head? This is repetition, instead of providing insight into what happened or how to improve, it only increases your negative feelings. [16] X Research Source
- Keep a journal to get rid of the obsessive thoughts. Writing your thoughts on paper can help you get rid of repetition and fear. [17] X Research Source
- Instead of explaining, you should ask yourself, “Ok, what did I learn this time?” You may have learned that you need to get to your appointment 30 minutes early so you don’t miss the interview. [18] X Research Sources
- Practice mindfulness meditation to bring yourself back to reality. Mindfulness meditation helps you stop worrying about what happened in the past and focus on the present moment, so you can start asking yourself: what could I do differently today ?
Recover
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Find out the cause of the failure. What happened to make things go wrong? Can you prevent that? Think about solutions you could have taken. Are your expectations realistic? Try discussing your wishes with your lover or groupmate to calculate the realistic level.
- If you fail to get promoted, request a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the matter. Wait until you have overcome the past and the feelings of disappointment. Reflect on the reasons for failure and look for future improvement.
- If you fail to find a job you like, try reading the online profiles of people who got the job. Do they have a different educational background than you? Years of experience? Did they enter the workforce at another time?
- If love fails, ask yourself if you’re putting too much pressure or expectations on your partner. Do you understand their feelings? Do you support the project and their friendship?
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Set realistic goals. Once you find the cause of your past failures, continue to set more realistic goals for the future. What do you want next? How do you act to succeed? Have someone you trust assess how realistic your new goal is. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- For example, if you’ve only run halfway and hope you can run 1km in 5 minutes, you’re probably being too ambitious. Try setting a goal to run faster in the next race. If last time you ran 1km in 10 minutes, this time try to run for 8 minutes. Practice regularly.
- If your previous goal was to publish your novel by the end of the year, this time, create a more achievable goal. A new goal might be to get feedback on the manuscript. Sign up for a fiction editing workshop or hire a freelance editor/writing instructor.
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Practice psychological contrasts. Balance optimistic thinking and realistic planning by practicing mental contrasts. First, visualize the desired goal being realized smoothly. Let yourself visualize overall success for a few minutes. Next, imagine the obstacles you might face. [20] X Research Source Visualizing obstacles on the way to your goals can help you feel more energized and more able to solve problems. If the goal is not reasonable, this exercise allows for abandoning that intention and focusing on a more reasonable goal.
- Recognizing the obstacles between you and your goals is not negative and unhealthy thinking. The mental contrast exercise will help you learn not to cling to difficult or impossible goals. [21] X Research Source
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Change approach. Come up with an idea and choose the surest one. Use mental contrasts to test solutions in your head. Wondering if you have the resources to execute your new plan? What new problems will arise? How do you solve it? How do you arrange before you start? [22] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Avoid repeating the same error. The new approach should not be accompanied by strategies that may have caused the previous failure.
- Make a Plan B. Even the best approach can fail because of unforeseen events. Make sure you go in with a solid backup plan.
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Try again. With a new goal, a new plan is set up to achieve the goal. Take the time to reflect on the process as the steps begin to work. You can completely change your approach. You learn as you do, and the natural part of the process is adjusting your approach. Whether you reach your goal or have to try again, you will reach a higher level of resilience.
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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,844 times.
Overcoming failure is about finding a new beginning in yourself. First, you have to get over the feeling of failure. Failure in a project, relationship, or goal can be exhausting, but if you acknowledge your disappointment and accept your mistake, you can move on. Optimism about reality will help you form new plans without forgetting the failure. Always remember, the long-term goal is recovery: adaptability and survival. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source Every failure is an opportunity to become stronger and wiser.
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