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This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 29,894 times.
When faced with an embarrassing moment, you may feel like you are the only person on Earth. However, shame is one of the most common emotions we experience. It happens to almost every human being in the world, and even other species. [1] X Source of Waal Research , F. de. (2010). The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for Creating a Kinder Society (version 1). New York: Broadway Bookstore. While we might view shame as a negative emotion because of the way it makes us feel, it actually serves an important social function in defining who we are. can trust and want to build a longer-term relationship. [2] X Credible Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to the source However, it’s not good to let shame overwhelm you and ruin your experience. To get through a moment of embarrassment, learn to react outwardly and minimize the problem on the inside. If you can’t get over the shame, think about what’s causing the underlying problem. You should try to accept any embarrassing moments as normal. Instead of separating you from everyone around you, the ability to experience real shame is one of the aspects that can help you connect with others the most.
Steps
Reacting to unexpected situations
- In fact, shame is a great way to connect with others, as it’s something almost everyone has to experience at some point in their lives. [4] X Research Resources Stocks, EL, Lishner, DA, Waits, BL, & Downum, EM (2011). I Shame On You: The Impact of the Perspective-Based and Evaluative Conversation Method on Empathic Shame and Empathic Anxiety. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 41(1), 1–26. If you’re willing to laugh at yourself, an embarrassing moment can be a great starting point for an interesting conversation or making new friends.
- You can also try to make the situation more humorous. If you approach the situation with the right humor, it will become less embarrassing and come off as a joke. For example, if you fall off your chair, you can say something like “I can do the stunts myself!”.
- For example, you could say, “I’m sorry I kept calling you Sang. I’m constantly thinking about a good friend of mine who’s going through a tough time, and I’m a little distracted.”
Minimize incidents
- Often, it may be you who are more strict with yourself than others. Psychologists have found that in situations of anxiety or embarrassment, people tend to worry so much about themselves that they overestimate how much other people pay attention to them. [9] X Trusted Source International DOI Foundation (IDF) Go to Source
- With this in mind, if you find yourself in an embarrassing situation, people around you may be focusing more of their attention on themselves than on you.
Solve potential problems
- For example, if you feel extremely embarrassed after failing at something you’re normally very good at, you’ve probably set too high expectations for yourself. In every moment of shame, you should look at your own and others’ expectations through your own feelings.
- If you simply cannot get rid of negative emotions when they arise, and they are happening to you more and more often, you should consider taking steps to treat your stress.
- Sit quietly for 10-15 minutes, breathing deeply. Focus on breathing.
- Be aware of your own thoughts as they come to mind. Identify the emotion you are experiencing. Tell yourself “I feel shame”.
- Accept the emotion you are feeling, saying to yourself “I accept my shame”.
- Acknowledge that this is only a temporary feeling. Say to yourself, “I know this is a temporary feeling. It will subside. Now, what do I need?”. Allow yourself space and validation for your own feelings, but be aware that your thoughts and reactions to situations may not be true.
- Turn your attention back to your breathing. Once the thoughts have passed from your mind, repeat the process to acknowledge them and let them go.
- You can search for mindfulness meditation tutorials online.
This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 29,894 times.
When faced with an embarrassing moment, you may feel like you are the only person on Earth. However, shame is one of the most common emotions we experience. It happens to almost every human being in the world, and even other species. [1] X Source of Waal Research , F. de. (2010). The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for Creating a Kinder Society (version 1). New York: Broadway Bookstore. While we might view shame as a negative emotion because of the way it makes us feel, it actually serves an important social function in defining who we are. can trust and want to build a longer-term relationship. [2] X Credible Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to the source However, it’s not good to let shame overwhelm you and ruin your experience. To get through a moment of embarrassment, learn to react outwardly and minimize the problem on the inside. If you can’t get over the shame, think about what’s causing the underlying problem. You should try to accept any embarrassing moments as normal. Instead of separating you from everyone around you, the ability to experience real shame is one of the aspects that can help you connect with others the most.
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