How to Not Have a Big Ego

Learn to compromise. Controlling your ego is mostly about getting used to compromise. Whether at work or in a relationship, mastering the art of compromise will help you interact more effectively with others. Here are a few tips for this: ^[6]

• Rethink your motives. Again, when you feel like you’re being cornered by someone, you should ask yourself if you disagree with them because you feel like you’re superior or inferior to them. You should try to minimize this if certain factors are causing you conflict. You need to find the range of compromises that can benefit everyone involved.
• Decide on the important factor. You should remember that there will never be an “I” in team spirit. What is your overall goal? Are you willing to humble yourself a little so that everyone can achieve a common goal?
• You should be well aware that compromise does not mean surrender. Working with others to achieve a goal while giving up on something small (like being the right one or being superior, for example) is totally worth it. You just have to make sure that you never compromise on something as valuable as your personal beliefs or values.

Welcome differences of opinion. ^[7] Getting upset when others have opinions that contradict yours won’t get you anything. A little disagreement in your personal and professional life is also quite healthy. There was once a very famous saying that “If everyone thinks the same, then someone is not thinking”. Same goes for your interactions with others – if everyone always agrees with you, you’re the only one voicing an opinion. While it sounds pretty good, it will limit your personal and/or career growth.

• This doesn’t mean you should go out and argue with your spouse or co-worker. The advice here is that you should not forcefully protest or stop communicating every time you feel a little threatened. Sometimes, hearing a different point of view can challenge you to see the world in a whole new way.

Care about others. Instead of spending the entire conversation talking about yourself, you should express your excitement to the other person. Showing genuine interest will get you far more than trying to force other people to be interested in you. There are many ways to help you show interest in others. ^{[8] [9]}

• Eye contact. Look at the speaker. Do not cross your arms and legs. Practice active listening by listening to understand rather than respond. Before sharing anything, you should paraphrase the other person’s words and ask clarifying questions such as “Are you saying that…?”.
• Use someone else’s name. You should ask questions about areas that you know are important to the person, like their children or hobbies. You should say something like “Hi Mai! Have you been going to the gym recently?”.
• Compliment your opponent. This can be quite a difficult action, but you should give it a go. Instead of just focusing on yourself, you should redirect your energy outward. Look for what you really appreciate in others — their neat looks, their effort, and their personality. Take the time to let them know that you appreciate this quality. For example, you could say, “Dude, the energy you put into this project is truly contagious. Thank you!”.

Ask yourself questions. Despite all the disagreements you have with people at work or at home, you may have doubts about whether you really have a problem with your ego. There are quite a few complicated definitions that a person can use to describe the self. Perhaps the best description is this: ego is the approval-seeking part of yourself. To be able to determine if your ego is in control of a particular situation, you should ask yourself these two questions:

• “Am I feeling better than others?”
• “Am I feeling inferior to others?”
• If your answer is “yes” to either of these questions, your ego is controlling you. Perhaps it is easy for you to understand that feeling superior to others is a sign of an oversized ego. However, you won’t know that feeling inferior is also a problem with the ego. ^[10]

Be aware of the moment when you are engaged in a “war for territory”. People with large egos tend to have problems with someone they perceive as encroaching on their territory. ^[11] Your best friend is trying to educate you so you can perfect your golfing. The manager who sits behind the desk all day thinks he or she can tell you how to do your job better.

• If you feel angry after encountering a similar situation as above, your ego is controlling you. You get angry when someone gives you advice on an aspect you think you know well. You will refuse to accept help. When someone else comes up with some better ideas than you do, you will ignore them so your opinion won’t be dismissed.