How to not be in a hurry to get back with your ex

If you’ve decided to get back together with your ex, congratulations! Resuming old love is also quite thrilling and interesting; Surely you will both think about the prospect of two people being very happy in the future and hope that this love will last forever. Don’t be in a hurry, slowly rebuild a stable, healthy, and long-lasting relationship. Actually, it’s not that difficult. We’ve put together a list of things you should do to calmly get back together with your ex.

Table of Contents

See it as a new love

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Let’s start from the beginning instead of piecing together from the breakup. If your old love story didn’t work, let it drift into the past. Do not repeat old habits or rush to get together. Act like you just met him. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, if you and your ex spent two weekends together every week before the breakup, don’t be in a hurry to do so now. At first, you should only see him for a few hours on weekends.
Likewise, if you used to be close to each other all the time, that doesn’t mean you have to be either. Slow down.

Set boundaries for a healthy relationship

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Talk to your ex to agree on things that make both of you comfortable. Let him know your wishes and listen to his wishes, and then decide together what limits you need to have so that your love life is not too rushed. ^{[2] X Research Sources} Here are some boundaries you should discuss with each other:

Physical intimacy: How comfortable are you two with being close at this point? Can you hold hands? Can you kiss?
Independence: The two of you need time alone to do your own things.
Communication: Regular communication is important to building a healthy relationship. ^{[3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} What do you think about this? For example, the two of you could text each other every day.

Schedule a date

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Outside of dating, the two of you should have some alone time. Schedule your date in advance so you can plan other things. Spend your alone time with friends and family, work on goals or pursue your own hobbies. Doing so will help keep you from falling into the loop of your previous love. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, the two of you could meet at your house on Tuesday and play gpf on Friday night. That way you’ll have time for friends on Saturday night, dinner with family on Sunday, and doing the things you want to do during the week.

Pursue personal goals and interests

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Don’t lose yourself in a new relationship. Take time to do the things that are important to you. Also, encourage him to do the same. Not only will this help you two not be in a hurry, but it will also help make your relationship healthier. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, you could take a drawing class, spend an evening with a group of girls, or learn to play an instrument.
If you are still in school, make time to study and participate in extracurricular activities.
If you’re already working, take the time to learn new skills or go further in your career.

Set a timeline for getting close so it’s not too rushed

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Try not to rush to the same level of closeness as before. You should plan ahead how long it will take the two of you to get that close, and do so. Doing so will help keep your relationship from going too far too quickly. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, you might stipulate that it’s okay to hold hands and hug at first.
After a few dates, you can kiss and make love.
If you’re a high-demand person, you can wait until after certain appointments, such as after a Tuesday or Thursday appointment.

Get to know each other again

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Let’s chat a lot to reconnect with each other. You can start talking about what you’ve been doing since the breakup, and then talk about your aspirations for the relationship. Share with each other how the two of you want a life in the future. ^{[7] X Research Sources} You can ask questions such as:

“Is there anything interesting in your life after we broke up?”
“What kind of person do you want to be in 5 years?”
“What are the three latest things you want to do in your life?”
“If you had to go to a deserted island, what 3 things would you bring?”
“What hobbies do you have now?”

Talk about your needs for love

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Be open and frank about your expectations. Tell him what you want and ask him what he wants out of this relationship. Listen to the other person’s wishes to see if they are suitable for you. That way, you won’t fall into fantasies. ^{[8] X Research Sources} You can discuss the following:

“When you broke up, what do you miss the most about your love story?”
“Do you want us to change anything this time?”
“What will my future be like?”
“I want to be a better lover, what should I do?”
“What is an ideal love for you?”

Solve the problems that cause your relationship to fall apart

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Identify and avoid the causes of the breakup of your previous relationship. Ask him what he thinks the cause is, then share your thoughts and ideas on how not to repeat those mistakes in the future. ^{[9] X Research Resources} Dealing with old problems will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes.

You might say, “What do you think was your biggest problem back then?” or “Why do you think I used to argue so much in the past?”
You can say to him, “I felt like you weren’t listening to what I had to say in the past, so I want to spend more time talking in the future.”

Focus on the present, not the future

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Think every day is unique. Enjoy getting to know each other, dating and finding love again. Give your relationship time to grow instead of trying to push it to a new stage. Enjoying it to the fullest is also a way to keep yourself from rushing. ^{[10] X Research Source}

When you go on a date, let yourself be immersed in reality. Just look at him, in that very moment. Listen to what he has to say, feel the warmth, scent and sweetness of his lips.

Let’s do new things together to rekindle the fire of love

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Make a list of things you both want to try and start working on them one by one. For example, try food at a new restaurant, go to a concert, or go to a local event you’ve never attended. These things will bring the two of you closer together and make your love life new. ^{[11] X Research Source}

You can find out about local events through social media or ask a friend to recommend you.
Find some new restaurants, cafes and shops to explore together.

Advice

Don’t compare your current relationship with the past. Give your new love a new look.
It’s easy to repeat old habits, so be proactive. Plan other activities in advance so you don’t spend all of your time with your ex.

Steps