How to Make Your Ex Respectful

Running up against your ex—whether at school, at work, or raising children together—can be tough if you feel that person doesn’t respect you. Whether they respect you or not is completely their choice, but you can choose to be an honest, psychological, trustworthy person to be respected by others. Check out the strategies below to be one, especially when dealing with an ex.

Table of Contents

Respect yourself

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If you don’t think you deserve respect, neither do others. Other people (including your ex) won’t take you seriously if you’re always putting yourself down, blaming yourself or tormenting yourself for your mistakes Instead, accept yourself —though not perfect, it certainly deserves respect. The fact that you just broke up with someone doesn’t affect that at all. ^{[1] X Research Source}

After a breakup, everyone will be sad and miserable, you should open your heart to those feelings. However, you also need to remind yourself of the positive and happy things in your life.

Earn respect, don’t ask or beg

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You will lose the respect of others if you act weak or aggressive. Imagine this: if your boss or teacher stood in front of everyone and said aggressively, “I ask you to respect me”, would you respect them more? What if they got down on their knees and begged others to respect them? Your ex will never truly respect you out of fear or pity — respect you have to earn yourself. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Whether it’s your ex or anyone else, you can’t “make” them respect you. Focus on being someone your ex (and everyone else) wants to respect. Don’t try to make your ex pity you.

Respect others

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Respect your ex (and others) the same way you want them to respect you. You should consider this as the post-breakup rule: “Treat your ex the way you want them to treat you.” If you want them to be polite to you, be polite to them first. Use polite greetings such as “hello” and “how are you?” Don’t bring up bad memories from the past—unless both of you want to talk about it. Instead, focus on fun or safe topics that have nothing to do with your love life. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Think of the people you respect most in life, they certainly respect you a lot too.
Don’t forget to respect everyone, even if your ex may not see it or hear it, but respecting others will help you have many good relationships.

Respect others even when you are not respected

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Avoid tit-for-tat with your ex. Choosing to behave nobly is not easy, especially with an ex! And if they were deliberately looking down on you, you probably won’t be able to make them respect you either. However, at least by not arguing with them, you are respecting yourself. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, if your ex misses your date or makes a malicious comment on your personal social media page, you can say, “We shouldn’t treat each other like that”, but please refrain, do not try to respond to bring them down.
The hope is that after a breakup, the more things calm down, the less likely your ex will intentionally show you disrespect. If you respect them at all times, your post-breakup relationship with that date will probably also be more tolerable.

Talk respectfully (or keep quiet) about your ex

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Talking bad about your ex only makes things worse. Imagine, if your ex always talked bad about you to everyone, would you respect him/her? It’s not good to talk bad about an ex to anyone, especially to their common child. If you lose respect in this way, it will be very difficult to regain it and will also have a very negative effect on your children. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Right now you’re probably wondering, “What if I just talked bad about my ex to my friends and they kept it a secret?” Surely that would be less serious than defaming them openly. However, when you speak badly of others “secretly”, you still have disrespectful thoughts in your head and they can show up when you interact with your ex.

Listen and communicate psychologically

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Respect your ex’s feelings and views. Whether you’re in regular contact or not, treat every conversation as an opportunity to earn their respect. Listen without interrupting or arguing. Don’t try to overwhelm the conversation just to show you’re okay after the breakup. When it is necessary to discuss difficult issues, communicate with sympathy and understanding. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, you may need to discuss spending time with mutual friends who don’t want to see each other, or agree to care for your pet. Don’t treat difficult conversations as a battle you need to “win”. Instead, work towards finding the best solution for both parties.

Set boundaries for your relationship together

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Try to come to terms with your future relationship, if any. Sometimes things get messed up, for example, when one of you has hopes of getting back together but the other doesn’t. Instead of playing guessing games, talk openly and honestly about your views. This also means that you have to accept this relationship may not have a chance anymore. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If you have a child together and care for them together, discuss the limits of this new relationship on the basis of mutual respect. You can agree on how, when, and on what communication you two need to communicate – for example, calling and texting only at specific times and talking only about children.

Be a reliable and responsible person

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These qualities will help you to be respected by others in any situation. Simply put, a person with a good reputation will be respected by everyone. If your ex knows you’re a do-it-yourself talker, they’ll naturally appreciate you more. If you ever miss an appointment, apologize and take responsibility for yourself. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

The more you keep in touch with your ex, the more you need to be mindful of these qualities in order to win their respect. In life, you should also always be a trustworthy and responsible person.

Live the best you can

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Do what’s best for you, not what you think will make your ex respect you. It’s fine to want to be respected by your ex – but don’t set that goal too high or make it a number one priority. If the need to be respected causes you to choose or do things that you don’t really want or really feel happy about, stop and think again. Remember that you can’t control what your ex or other people think of you – but you can choose how you live your life. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Trying to win respect from others can backfire, leaving you desperate, clingy, and weak. Live confidently, live to the fullest, respect yourself and those around you; that will help you win respect from everyone, including your ex.

Always break up in a civilized way

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If you go through another breakup, break up with respect. Think about it this way: if the way you break up makes your partner lose respect for you, it will be very difficult to regain that respect later. So no matter who said goodbye, you should break up in a civilized way. If possible, break up in person; just share feelings, don’t blame or blame each other. Listen to the other side, don’t use bitter words to hurt or hide your pain. ^{[10] X Research Source}

You can say the following:
- “I like you and I’m glad to know you, but we can’t be together.”
- “I want to break up, but I hope we can still be friends.”
- “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I know it’s what I need to do.”

Steps