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When your boyfriend is not interested, you will definitely feel very uncomfortable. Whether it’s unanswered texts or the “cold war” situation, his being cold can hurt you and cause problems in your relationship. Fortunately, there are many ways to determine why your boyfriend is not interested in you and ways to fix the situation.
Steps
After arguing
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Give him time to calm down. If the two of you have just finished arguing or are going through a period of emotional turmoil, your boyfriend may choose to ignore you to regain his composure. Give him space and let him know that you’re always there when he’s ready to talk. [1] X Research Source
- Some people need time to process their own emotions, maybe that’s what your boyfriend is doing too.
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Ask him how he feels. You can start a conversation by asking if there’s anything wrong and listen when he talks. Sincerely find out why he’s ignoring you and what makes him cold. [2] X Research Source
- For example, you might say, “I can feel you getting angry when you don’t reply to my texts. Are you okay?”
- Listen attentively without interrupting so you can see the big picture.
- Using silence to respond to your boyfriend only makes things worse. Taking the initiative to speak up is important to help two people talk about what’s going on.
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Let him know how you’re feeling. You can continue to talk about your argument, or let him know how hurt you feel being ignored. Let him know that you want to be heard the same way you listened to him. [3] X Research Sources
- You could say, “I know you’re not happy, but when you didn’t say anything, I was really worried. I feel sad and confused when you don’t answer my phone or reply to my messages.”
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Sorry when you realize your mistake. Most people often choose to remain silent when they feel angry or disrespected. If you realize you need to say sorry, do it sincerely (only if you really want to). [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you will say, “I’m sorry for making you laugh in class today, I won’t do that again”.
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Problem solving. The “cold war” not only makes both uncomfortable but also disrupts the interaction. Try suggesting how the two of you can talk things over without having to choose to stay silent about what to do next time. You can try: [5] X Research Sources
- Give each person 10 minutes to calm down in another room.
- Write your thoughts on paper and read them to each other.
- Talk to each other once a week to identify and deal with relationship problems.
Advice for communication and relationships
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Try not to “smash” his phone when you’re being ignored. When your boyfriend isn’t replying to your texts or answering your phone, you’ll probably want to send him a bunch of text messages or leave a few voice messages. However, this only pushes him further away, and can make him feel suffocated. If you don’t get a response from your boyfriend, just give him space and wait for him to contact you. [6] X Research Sources
- Maybe he’s ignoring you because he’s having some personal issues, and getting a bunch of text messages from you can make him more tired.
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Let your boyfriend know how you feel about being ignored. Maybe your boyfriend isn’t aware that he’s ignoring you (or how upset you are). Let him know you’re upset and worried when it takes a long time to get a text from him or when he doesn’t talk to you face-to-face. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you might say, “When you didn’t contact me, I thought you were mad at me or that something was wrong. This really upsets me and makes me sad all day.”
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Say you want him to spend time with you instead of ignoring you for other things. Balancing love life and school, work, and other responsibilities can be difficult. If your boyfriend ignores you to deal with personal matters, you can say he spends a little time during the week with you. You can also schedule a weekly date, call each other every night, or spend a day alone.
- However, he also needs to make time for other hobbies. Even though you might feel like it’s pointless for him to play video games or see his friends, it’s important to him!
- If you’ve noticed that he’s been busier lately (with a new school or a different job), that could be the reason why he’s not interested in you.
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Plan a romantic date. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to “warm up” your feelings! Let’s have dinner together, give him gifts, and go for a walk on the beach at sunset. Disconnect from others so the two of you can confide in and rekindle the flame of love. [8] X Research Sources
- If you don’t want to go out, make him breakfast or watch your favorite movie together. You don’t need to spend expensive to create romance!
- Turn off your phone until the date is over so you can spend your time together.
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Encourage him to talk about his concerns. Sometimes, lovers will choose to be silent instead of speaking out. If your partner is having a hard time expressing his feelings, try asking if there’s anything he’d like to share (about your relationship or life in general). The next step is to listen with respect and be open to his feelings. [9] X Research Source
- You could say, “I feel like you’ve been a little cold to me lately. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
- Note, some people will be cold when they want to end the relationship. Although this is unlikely, it is still possible.
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Review the relationship when the condition does not improve. Surely you will be very sad when you are around someone who does not care about you. If you’ve talked openly and honestly with your boyfriend and he’s still cold towards you, it might be time to end things. [10] X Research Source
- Ending a relationship is difficult, and should not be taken lightly. However, the person who always ignores you may not be the ideal lover for you.
Advice
- Maybe your boyfriend is busy! Ask for his schedule and spend time together when he’s free.
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This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 363,074 times.
When your boyfriend is not interested, you will definitely feel very uncomfortable. Whether it’s unanswered texts or the “cold war” situation, his being cold can hurt you and cause problems in your relationship. Fortunately, there are many ways to determine why your boyfriend is not interested in you and ways to fix the situation.
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