How to Leave a Betrayed Husband

The pain of knowing your husband cheated on you can be devastating, and deciding to leave him also requires a lot of courage. You’re finally ready to break up with the man you love. We’ll share with you how to take care of your mental health, talk to your husband about your options, and make actionable plans to start over. Read on to find tips to help you heal and energize yourself on your new journey.

Table of Contents

Find the support of those around you.

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Reach out to people who boost your confidence and support your decisions. Surround yourself with people who are worried about your future and are willing to help you, such as close friends who understand why you decided to leave your husband. Join a support group to learn from people who have also been through a difficult transition and have separated from their former partner. Make your mental health a priority by scheduling a visit with a counselor to talk about the impact your husband’s betrayal has had on you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

The more time you spend with the people around you, the more new connections you will find. You will create a network of people who will always be with you in the new phase of your life.

Try new activities on your own.

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Establish other routines to start a new chapter in your life and visualize being single. Imagine a daily schedule without your husband present. The plans you have in mind can help you get used to the separation or divorce. Remember that you are smart and competent. Start filling your daily schedule with activities in your life, from errands like grocery shopping to social activities like hanging out with friends. Take care of yourself and find inner peace. The more busy activities you find, the easier it is to forget that man. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Find new hobbies that you can enjoy alone or with a group of friends. Interesting activities will help you towards a happy new life.
Eat healthy and be active to keep your body full of energy and healthy. Joy and optimism come to you more easily when you take care of yourself.

Make a list of your boundaries.

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Write down everything you can or cannot accept to keep your resolve to give up. The boundaries you draw will help you stand up for yourself and courageously turn around when you’re being treated unfairly. Make a list of what you desire, like love, encouragement, and respect, along with behaviors that you categorically disapprove of, such as cheating. Complete the list and read it again. Appreciate the standards you set and believe in yourself. Understand that these boundaries will keep you on track. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

You can record two separate lists. A list of boundaries your husband has crossed, a list that focuses on the treatment you desire.
Get a list of boundaries that have been violated when you need to strengthen your resolve to divorce. And when you need to find encouragement and morale, read this list of ways you want to be treated.

Listen to your feelings.

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Identify your feelings as they arise to deal with your husband’s infidelity. Cutting ties with your partner is never easy, and it wouldn’t be strange if you went through all sorts of emotions in a single day. If you love your husband and still can’t decide whether to stay or leave, find a quiet place, sit down and take a deep breath. Place your hand over your heart and try to name the emotions that are swirling within you. Are you suffering, confused or depressed? If a lot of negative words come up it is a clear sign that leaving is the best solution at this time. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

You will experience a lot of emotional stress during this process, so take care of yourself! Make a cup of tea, turn on soothing music or light your favorite candle.
You can keep a diary of the feelings you notice and talk to a therapist or counselor during your next session.

Make a safety plan.

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Find the support of everyone you trust to protect yourself. If you are concerned for your safety, find a public place or go to someone close. If you have kids, call a friend or relative to pick them up. Get in touch with your supporters and let them know about your decisions and where you’re going. Remember to keep the detailed plan private and only tell people you really trust. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Visit The Domestic Abuse Hotline for more information on how to safely leave your partner.
If your husband has been violent in the past, buy a new phone, leave, and keep the new address private. If you are in the US, you can call 800-799-SAFE (7233). Hotline volunteers will help you move to a shelter for free if you don’t have money, they even help you move. ^{[6] X Trusted Source US Office on Women’s Health Go to source}
Yelling is also a sign that your husband may be escalating tensions. If he is constantly raising his voice during an argument, go to a friend’s house instead of talking to him. You will be much safer keeping your distance.

Decide where you are going.

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Arrange an accommodation in advance so you know exactly where to stay. Before you leave, you need to consider where you will be staying. Are you going to stay in the house he used to live in or do you want a whole new setting? You will quickly adjust to your new life with ease and with much less stress once you have decided on the best living environment for you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If you want to stay at home, remember to make this request when you file for divorce. Make it clear where your husband is going.
Prepare money if you need to leave the house. If you’re staying at a friend’s house, calculate how much money you’ll need to buy food. If you plan to stay at a hotel or rent a motel, you need to calculate all expenses in advance.

Tell your husband the news with a calm demeanor.

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Tell your husband that you’re leaving to let him know you’ve made up your mind. When you walk out the door or file for divorce, remember that you’ve given this a lot of thought. You have weighed the pros and cons and have decided that the best solution is to let go. Tell your husband about your options if you can leave after the conversation and if you believe he will listen. If you have children, raise the issue while the children are at your loved one’s house. You can rehearse or plan your conversation in advance. Choose a time when you feel calm and in control to talk. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

“There’s a letter on the nightstand explaining why I’m leaving. I have 20 minutes to talk.”
“I’ve been to a counselor many times. Now I’ve decided to break up. My friend is coming to pick me up, but you can email me if you have something to say.”
“I’ll text you my thoughts so you understand why I’ve made this decision.”

Let your husband be responsible for his own reactions.

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Let your husband handle his emotions and take care of your mental health. If you tell your husband that you don’t want to live together anymore, he may react in all sorts of ways. Since you’re trying to let go, focus on your feelings. Remember that you are trying to close things and heal the wound. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you want, you can advise him to find a counselor or a support group. If you still love your husband, you probably still care about his mental health. There are professionals who can help your husband through the upcoming phase.

Find mediation services.

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Get a mediator to relieve the emotional burden of having to see your husband. Anyone with professional training in handling separation and divorce cases can be a mediator. They can resolve issues or settle disagreements so you can avoid going to court at great expense. A mediator can communicate information on your behalf so you don’t have to talk face-to-face all the time. ^{[10] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

You can find a mediator by contacting your local court or bar. Ask if anyone on the mediation panel can assist you. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Get in the habit of contacting the mediator before calling your husband. This will help you come to a happy ending. Then it will feel natural to rely on others for support.
Seeking the advice of a mediator is also an investment in your mental and physical health. Records show that professional conflict resolution can help both wives, husbands and their children to be satisfied and happy in the long run.

Protect your and your children’s needs.

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Help yourself adapt by creating a new, healthier dynamic for your family. In fact, the separation or divorce of parents is more comfortable for children than living in a house with both parents and the atmosphere is always tense. You and the kids will adjust to the new environment when you decide to leave your husband because your marriage is no longer happy. ^{[12] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

Make sure your child has a solid support system. Encourage your kids to make friends.
If possible, schedule an appointment with a child psychologist to talk about changes in their lives.

Know the rules of your relationship.

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Know the warning signs in your marriage that you can avoid when hooking up with someone new. When you take a step back and have time to reflect, you will see your marriage more clearly and realize things that you don’t want to repeat in future relationships. For example, maybe you have always been lenient in the past, and now you need to find someone who is more mellow and cooperative. You can also accept unfulfilled expectations that you once had. Believe that you can still create the life you want. In fact, you have already started, one day at a time. ^{[13] X Research Source}

See your old marriage as an opportunity to discover more about yourself. Even with a divorce, you learn valuable lessons for future steps.
Recall your ex-husband’s behavior. Is he always hiding his phone? Perhaps now you want everything in your relationship to be clear.
Learn some new skills to improve your morale and boost your confidence. If you’ve found yourself in the past where you’ve always had to tiptoe when you’re talking, now choose spaces where people are usually excited to listen.

Ask yourself what you need.

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You can build a new, more balanced life by loving yourself. Your most important priority right now is to heal your broken heart. Get out of a bad situation and find a sense of peace. Find a solution to each of your feelings. Do you feel betrayed? Remind yourself that you need honesty and integrity. Constant feeling of turmoil and insecurity in your home? Remind yourself to look for an environment that is peaceful and feels safe. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Identify people who meet your needs because they know you well or they listen to you. Love yourself by continuing to spend time with them.

Remember that you deserve more than that.

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Focus on your own values and goals in the relationship. As you leave your marriage, look to the new friends and exciting experiences that await you out there. Imagine connecting with people who value your commitments and who you are, whether friends or future spouses. ^{[15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Join a few clubs and organizations that include relaxed and upbeat people. Charity kitchens, teacher-parent meetings or personal development classes are all great places to meet kind and helpful people.
Return to the social life that once brought you joy when you were single. For example, if you used to love dancing or hiking but couldn’t find time to enjoy it once you were married, now is the time to get back into those hobbies. Maybe you even meet someone who has the same passion as you.
Spend time with friends. You can get to know people at your own pace and see if these friendships help your life.

Steps