How to Know When to Break Up

Realize you are in a manipulative or controlling relationship. This type of relationship is not healthy. To be able to continue the relationship, the manipulator needs to radically change his behavior. If he or she does not, or cannot, it is wise to end it as soon as possible. If you see the other person directing everything you do and threatening if you act independently, then you are facing a rather difficult problem.

• If you are manipulated or controlled, this is one of the rare occasions when you don’t want to meet in person; If you’re concerned about a violent reaction when you end the relationship, end the relationship remotely and have a friend clean up the aftermath.

See if the other person doesn’t respect you. If your partner really cares about you, that means he or she won’t belittle or criticize you unreasonably. If the person makes constructive comments to help you grow, that’s one thing, but if the person is intentionally malicious, that’s another. For example, if you drop something and the other person says things like, “What an idiot, why don’t you notice what you do for once in your life?” It’s a clear sign that you need to leave that person and move on to someone who cares more about you.

• Disrespect from the other person can be harder to spot. Maybe the person made fun of your appearance, mocked your profession, or hinted that you are not very good at some point. It’s still disrespect — the pinnacle of cover-up.

See if the other person is constantly nagging you. It’s okay to disagree from time to time, and disagreement is sometimes even healthy for a relationship if it helps you bring up your frustrations constructively. However, if the other person is constantly shouting in your ear, disagreeing with you, calling your name, and generally being mean to you for no reason, then it’s time to get out of the relationship.

See if the other person is embarrassed about the relationship. This is a warning signal that cannot be ignored . If the other person is embarrassed to go with you or even say that you are dating, there is a big problem. There are few good reasons to hide love, unless the other person is too young to date or has a good reason to hide the relationship from domineering parents. But if the other person wants to keep it a secret from friends or acquaintances or refuses to hold your hand or appear to be on a date in public, it may be time to end the relationship. You want to be with someone who is proud to walk with you without shame, because you deserve it.

See if you are often the one who wants to be close. If the two of you are cuddling, but most of the time you’re the one to suggest or try to warm the atmosphere, there could be trouble. Especially if you’re kissing the beginning or the end and asking the other person to kiss you, you may have some real problems in the relationship. Don’t hesitate to talk about this; Maybe the other person has intimacy issues or doesn’t want to touch you because you betrayed them. Whatever the problem is, you need to solve it or end the relationship, because the current situation is wrong.

See if they pressure you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If they force you to drink when you don’t want to, have sex when you’re not ready, or even engage in daredevils like racing, harassing strangers, or presenting yourself in a way that scares you, It’s time to end the relationship. That person doesn’t respect your wants and needs and you may find someone who really cares about you.

• It may take you a minute to realize that you’re doing something you’re uncomfortable with, because you’re just getting used to it.

See if people have warned you about dating the other person. While you shouldn’t end a relationship just because your best friend vaguely thinks you can “do better,” you should consider the relationship if all your friends, family, or even People you barely know remind you to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. If you have specific reasons, like the other person doesn’t like you or treats you like a rag doll, the obvious fact is that it’s time to say goodbye.

• Of course, people may not understand what your relationship is like, and you can’t just base your relationship on whether people like you two together or not. But if everyone is telling you to get out of the relationship, at least consider that they have a good reason for doing so.

See if things are moving too fast. Your relationship should develop at a reasonable pace and you should spend time getting to know each other. If you just met your partner just two months ago and have talked about moving in or getting married, it’s possible that you’re both obsessed with the thought of commitment but not about each other. If you’re feeling a bit smitten in your relationship without ever spending time thinking about the other person, you should slow down or stop.

Let’s see if there’s any conversation about the future. If you’re 15, it’s okay to never talk about marriage, moving in, career ambitions, children’s intentions… well, but if you’re 25 or 35 or have been dating for a few years, then it’s okay. The topic of the future naturally should sooner or later be brought up for consideration. If the two of you have been together for a long time and no one has talked about the future for more than a month, then it’s likely that you two don’t think you’ll be a couple in the long term. If this is true, then you have to think about whether the relationship is worth pursuing.

See if the relationship is in serious trouble. While less serious signs can also indicate a need to break up, there are signs that almost always indicate that either you need to end the relationship or you’re seriously adjusting your attitude. If you find yourself with these signs, it may be time to break up:

• You are being subjected to physical and/or psychological abuse, financial exploitation, sexual abuse or degrading by the other person beyond a threshold that harms health and safety.
• The other person is always pressuring you to do things you find uncomfortable, like participating in a dangerous activity or committing a crime. Harsh ultimatums and threatening statements are signs of a potentially dangerous relationship. Don’t fall into the trap of “If I really loved you, I would do this…”
• Persistent conflict and despair pervade the main areas of a couple’s life – communication, sex, finances, and emotional support.
• Jealousy becomes the main problem. Relationships become toxic when the other person tries to dictate who you should hang out with, when, and for how long. You are in control of your life, not the other person.
• The other person has been using alcohol or drugs for so long that they can’t get rid of them and have a huge impact on your life, or the lives of your children.
• You have used alcohol or drugs for so long that you cannot live without them. It won’t be in anyone’s interest if you continue to maintain the relationship.
• Your relationship was based on frivolous foundations that are now gone, like parties, shared pleasures, sex without love, and you’re ready to step through these.
• The other person tries to control what you wear or how you look. Your body, your face, your hair, and your wardrobe; You decide what to do with them.

See if your relationship is in the “flashy” category. A true lover will always love you no matter what the situation is, if your relationship falters, it’s time to leave because it’s no longer okay. Don’t go back and heal because no headache no heartache is better for you, and there are many people waiting for you to find them.

See if your goals in life are in conflict. If you want to be a marine biologist who travels the world and the other wants to be a teacher living in Texas all his life with his family, there’s a problem here. If you don’t like having kids when she wants seven and started yesterday, there’s a problem here. If your dreams and visions for the future don’t match — and you have to figure out your next step soon — it’s time to get out of the relationship.

• If you are still in your teens, yes, goals in life can change and you don’t have time to think hard. But if you need to plan for the future now and there are no possible intersections, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

Let’s see if either of you has a repeat of the infidelity. Cheating is never a good sign, whether you have a history of cheating or are cheating because you are unhappy in the relationship. While you can learn to forgive each other, if this is repeated over and over again, the chances are that the relationship has been damaged too much to repair. This can be a way of sending a message to each other that the relationship between the two is not enough.

Let’s see if the two of you have grown apart. This is a difficult case. You may have really loved each other in high school or college, but now you find out that you two are completely different people, from friends, dreams to hobbies. If you find the only thing in common between the two is the old story, and that’s not enough, it may be time to move on. This is one of the hardest reasons to break up, because it’s no one’s fault, and you both still have feelings for each other, but that doesn’t mean you should still be on the same page if your child is not. You now see no need to do so.

See if you keep any secrets from the other person. Any form of secrecy or deception, even if it hasn’t gone as far as betrayal, is a warning sign that there is no longer trust or honor in the relationship. You shouldn’t hide anything bigger than a surprise birthday party for the other person. This is different from not sharing your worries about work with your partner because you know she will get fed up with it; it’s like hiding that you’re interviewing for a job in another state because you don’t know what you’ll do if you get it.

Let’s see if the two are not willing to work together. If you used to have romantic picnics, hikes, detailed dates, and take care of each other when sick, but now it’s almost impossible for you to try to pick up the phone and answer messages. messages from your other half, then you need to try harder or end the relationship. If you and the other person simply don’t put in the effort anymore, then deep down you must feel the relationship is no longer worth it.

See if you’re starting to spend a lot of time alone. Maybe you and your other half have secretly broken up unofficially without speaking up. If you spend most of the weekend with friends, visiting family alone, or just staying home and enjoying hobbies instead of hanging out together — think about watching two televisions in two different rooms — then perhaps the two of you are moving away from each other without making a fuss. If this is true, it may be time to part ways.

Never break up in a moment of impatience. If the relationship is no longer worth saving, you will be able to realize it when both of you are calm. Plus, breaking up in anger can make it difficult to close the relationship. Make sure you’re feeling clear-headed and have taken the time to think before frankly “talking”.

Try spending some time apart if you need some time to think more. Agree not to see each other for a week or two, and be sure to make it clear that the two of you are still in the relationship and that the relationship becomes closed during this period. Don’t spend time together, don’t talk on the phone, don’t text. This challenging time apart can help you see how valuable the relationship is to you… or not. If it’s difficult at first, but you find you’re okay without this person in your life, breaking up might not be a bad idea.

• If you enjoyed the first few days but then found yourself missing the other person and feeling that your life wouldn’t be complete without them, maybe you should try to mend the relationship. For more details see How To Make Space For Each Other.