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When you’re dating someone, sometimes a lot of questions pop up in your mind, including questions about your partner’s gender identity. While this topic can be difficult to talk about, by being sensitive and caring about their feelings, you can make things better for everyone in the long run.
Steps
Open-minded and empathetic
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Understand that there are no obvious physical signs on which to base your guesses. You never know if someone is transgender just by their physical features. The human body is extremely diverse, and physical characteristics alone do not say much about a person. Furthermore, the field of genital reconstructive surgery has made such great strides that it is difficult to distinguish between those who have undergone surgery and those who have not (not all transgender people have the option to do so). This). [1] X Research Source
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Avoid asking your partner if they’re transgender, because you’ll hurt them anyway with that question. If they are transgender, they may be embarrassed because they are not mentally prepared to tell you. If they’re not transgender and if there’s a grudge against transgender people, they’ll feel offended. Your question can be a one-way ticket to the other party. Worst scenario? A glass of water splashed in your face. Best scenario? They will quietly leave and not look back. [2] X Research Source
- Publicizing their gender identity can be very painful and even dangerous for them. This is information they will reveal when they feel safe with you. In short, they’re not obligated to tell you and don’t have to if they don’t want to. Either way, there’s a good chance they’ll tell you before the two of you begin to have intimate contact.
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Ask yourself if you are biased. If you’re wondering about the gender of the person you’re dating, you probably have some subconscious bias that isn’t based on reality, or you just don’t want to get involved with a transgender person. Furthermore, reacting based on your misunderstandings and prejudices towards your partner when you know they are transgender can be painful for someone who already faces social estrangement and derision. . Even if they are transgender, their value is not reduced because of that, and they deserve to be treated like everyone else.
- If you feel intimidated at the thought of finding out someone is dating a transgender person, read articles on how to deal with transphobia and how to respect a transgender person. This can help you know what they’re going through and understand how they’re feeling.
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Stop worrying and relax. There are many other issues worth worrying about, sexually transmitted diseases, for example. If the other person is transgender, wait for them to speak for themselves. If all else goes well so far, you will cross this bridge once you get there. Do you really need to clarify now?
- If things work out, you’ll eventually know. At that time, one of two possibilities will happen: the emotional relationship between the two parties is one to continue, the other is to end. It’s not a disaster, is it? Let’s enjoy the present moment with that person; if everything clears up great; if not, that’s fine.
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Think for a moment. Many love stories have fairy-tale endings where one person doesn’t know the other is transgender at first, such as two stories that pop up with the title “What Happened To Me: I Tell My Boyfriend That When I Was New I was born a boy” and Falling in Love with a Transgender Man.
- Sexual orientation can change. You can be attracted to someone regardless of their gender at birth. This is completely normal. Listen to your feelings and how that person makes you. Maybe you will just find them very cute and gender doesn’t matter anymore. [3] X Research Sources
- Note that transgender people are their gender. They’re not “male-to-female,” “fake male” or anything like that. They can have any physical characteristics, and not everyone has the same sex characteristics as they were born.
Respect their privacy
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Understand that they are not trying to deceive you. Gender is in the heart, not in the body, and transgender people go through the transition to find themselves. Once they go out on a date, they run the risk of being in danger; They won’t lie just for fun. A transgender person who wants to date you is wanting to be accepted for who they really are.
- We humans all need to socialize and experience flirting, romantic relationships, and even love. Would you walk up to a pretty girl at the bar and say, “I have big problems in my relationship”? Certainly not. They have done absolutely nothing wrong in coming to you and wanting to get to know you.
- If you don’t accept transgender people, be clear and don’t give long explanations. [4] X Research Source Example: “I want to tell you one thing, I don’t like transgender/LGBT people. If you’re confused about this then we should stop dating.” That way, the person (and LGBT advocates) can gently withdraw.Don’t interpret how you feel; you could hurt them and/or get a glass of water splashed in your face.
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Understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. As noted, transgender people are not meant to be heterosexual. The reality is often the opposite. [5] X Research Sources Sexual orientation and gender identity are two completely different aspects.
- You can understand it like this: sexual orientation refers to the person you want to have sex with. Gender identity refers to your role in a sexual relationship.
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Understand why transgender people may be afraid to share information with you. Transgender people often face ostracism, bullying, abuse, and even violence. They have a hard time knowing with whom it is safe and with whom it is not. Especially when they’ve been hurt, transgender people can be very cautious about telling you because they’re afraid of danger.
- If the world were more empathetic, this wouldn’t be a problem. That person will be more than happy to share with you this aspect of their life.
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Let the person decide when to tell you. If the relationship between the two has progressed, you will definitely know. Whether they tell you verbally or you perceive through physical contact, this is bound to happen. And that’s okay. You just need to know how you feel and how you will behave from now on. That’s all. There is nothing disgusting or evil here. It’s just a fact of life.
- When your partner says, “There’s one thing I don’t know about you,” you can take it as a prelude to revealing the truth. Give them peace of mind, let them know you accept them, whatever it is. Ask why they hesitate to tell you and don’t let them back down. You need to know so that your relationship can continue. Anyway, they were about to do it. You just need a little more encouragement.
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Think about how you would feel. Dating a transgender person is not necessarily a sign of change in you. (For example, if you think you’re a lesbian and are now dating a transgender woman, you’re still a lesbian.) A gay person’s gender is on their insides, and that’s important when you reflect on your sexual orientation. However, if you’re dating someone who isn’t of the gender you’re used to, it might be time to rethink and experiment.
- It is possible that you are bisexual or bisexual. You may also be referred to by the terms “heterosexual flexibility” or “gay flexibility” (except in heterosexual/gay cases) if you often date people of the same sex .
- Remember that sexual orientation can change. The notion that there are only men and women, only heterosexuality and homosexuality, is not true to the reality of human sexuality. Moreover, even if you are heterosexual, you will not win any awards. In this case, you may need to refresh your thinking. You will see how useful it is.
Warning
- Don’t tell others, unless they say they don’t mind. If the person you’re dating is indeed transgender, respect their privacy, whether you want to continue dating them or not. This is a very personal story, and you shouldn’t betray their trust, even if you no longer like them. On the contrary, some transgender people are quite open about this, but you need to be sure before telling anyone about it. [6] X Research Source
- If you’re not interested in dating transgender people or simply don’t like it, that’s okay; you don’t break the law and no one can force you. You just have to respect them like everyone else. [7] X Research Sources
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This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,521 times.
When you’re dating someone, sometimes a lot of questions pop up in your mind, including questions about your partner’s gender identity. While this topic can be difficult to talk about, by being sensitive and caring about their feelings, you can make things better for everyone in the long run.
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