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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 162,233 times.
He says he loves you, but how do you know he really is? And what if he never said love? It’s not easy to tell if a certain guy’s heart belongs to you, but it’s not impossible. Look out for signs like how much time he spends with you or how much effort he puts into cultivating your relationship. Don’t forget that every guy is different, so not all of the tips in this article will apply to your guy.
Steps
Observe his actions
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Notice how he treats you. If your boyfriend loves you, he will treat you with respect. This means he always listens to you and cares about what’s going on in your life. He notices the little things you like and finds ways to bring them to you. He always respects you and really listens to your opinion. These actions show that he truly cares about you.
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Think how much you doubt his feelings. If a guy really loves you then you probably don’t have to doubt his feelings. It means he will make you feel his love for you by showing his love and telling you it. [1] X Research Source
- On the other hand, you shouldn’t let feelings of insecurity negate a guy’s affection for you. In other words, you may not feel that he loves you, but that’s just your fear speaking out. If your ex-boyfriend has told you that you hang around him all the time, that could be a sign that you’re a nervous and insecure girl. You may also find yourself trying your best to please your partner or always trying to meet all of his needs without thinking about your own. [2] X Research Source
- One way to combat insecurities is to pay attention to what you’re feeling instead of just paying attention to other things; Take the time to recognize each of your emotions. As you identify those emotions, notice how they drive your behavior. If you’re feeling low and starting to worry that your boyfriend doesn’t love you, you may find yourself trying to pamper him more. Often those feelings of fear are unfounded, especially when he’s always looking for ways to show you how he feels. [3] X Research Sources
- Also, it’s important to identify the cause of your insecurities. Maybe you’re obsessed with criticism from your parents, or you’ve been through an affair with someone who treated you badly. Don’t let your inner criticism hover in your head. Instead, fight it. When you find yourself doubting the other person or doubting yourself, try to reverse it. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “He won’t call me back, he probably doesn’t love me anymore,” try to push that thought out of your head. Tell yourself, “No, it’s not like that. He says he loves me every day. Maybe he’s just busy.” [4] X Research Source
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Think about how much time he spends with you. A guy who loves you will always want to be with you. If he regularly finds time to spend with you and is always looking for ways to see you, he’s probably in love with you. [5] X Research Sources
- Notice how often he misses appointments. If your guy isn’t really interested in you, he may be more likely to miss your date, which means he won’t arrange to see you as much as you’d like, and even if he does, he might cancel. last minute appointment. If your boyfriend doesn’t spend time with you on a regular basis, it’s likely that he doesn’t love you. [6] X Research Sources
- Of course, sometimes your boyfriend cancels dates for a good reason. However, he must try to warn you as soon as possible. He must also be eager to meet you again. If your boyfriend doesn’t do that then he probably doesn’t love you very much.
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Notice if he joins hands with you. This means he has to come up with plans and dates too, not just you. You don’t have to arrange everything by yourself. If he’s taking the initiative at least partially, he’s probably really interested in you. [7] X Research Sources
- One way to tell if he’s ready to do this is to not make plans at all. Give your guy a chance to schedule dates with you. If he really cares about you, he will have to take the initiative to do this. [8] X Research Sources
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Make sure your boyfriend is willing to compromise. A couple who love each other often yield to each other, that is, sometimes he gives up on you, sometimes you give in to him. For example, sometimes he’ll be happy to go with you to a movie he doesn’t like, and sometimes you’ll agree to go to the gym with him even though it’s not your favorite place. If a guy is willing to compromise with you, chances are he’s already starting to have a crush on you.
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Notice if he does errands for you. For example, when he walks into the kitchen, does he ask if you want a drink? Does he help you charge when your phone battery is running low? If he guesses what you need and does it for you to make you feel better, then he really loves you. [9] X Research Source
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Does he feel embarrassed around you? If a guy loves you and wants to be with you, he won’t be shy about you. At the very least, he should be willing to introduce you to his friends and family. If he doesn’t want to introduce you, he may not be sure about his feelings for you. While there may be other reasons why he doesn’t recommend you (such as a different religion), that reticence can be seen as a warning sign.
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Notice if he likes being around you in public. This step always goes hand in hand with the previous step. If he’s embarrassed for you, he won’t pull you close in public. In other words, notice if he walks close to you or makes an intimate gesture in public like holding your hand or hugging you. If not, there’s a good chance that he doesn’t really love you, though it could also just be because he’s inherently shy around public places. [10] X Research Source
Analyze his communication style
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Observe how he communicates with you. If he only calls you once a week and has almost nothing to say, that’s probably not a good sign. On the other hand, if he’s texting, emailing, and calling frequently, then you’ll be on his mind all the time, and that means he’s in love with you. [11] X Research Source
- However, every guy is different. Maybe he’s an introvert and doesn’t like being around other people every hour of every minute, even if it’s someone he loves. You need to try to guess what kind of person he is and don’t jump to conclusions.
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Notice the things he cares about. When you two are together, does he ask about you and what you’ve been through during the day? Does he seem genuinely interested in your life? If he really cares about what you do, then you’re probably someone important to him. [12] X Research Source
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See if he remembers. Of course, guys (and people in general) can forget a lot of things, including important dates and old stories. But if your boyfriend tries to remember important dates and mind your conversations by repeating them from time to time, you can trust that he really loves you. [13] X Research Source
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See if he cares enough to argue. To really argue with someone, you need to care about them and find a way to make peace. If he doesn’t bother arguing or just shrugs when you two have disagreements, he probably doesn’t care much about you.
- It is not necessary for two people to have intense or prolonged arguments, but both need to express their views and thoughts, even if this leads to an argument. If he doesn’t seem to want to reason with you, he may not be paying much attention to you.
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Pay attention to his language. If he starts using the word “we” often instead of “you,” it could be a sign that he loves you. “We” means that he’s starting to see you as a couple to him, which also means that he wants to bond with you. [14] X Research Source
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Notice if the two of you have common words. If the two of you have words in common, such as affectionate names and inside jokes that only the two of you understand, that’s a good sign. That means he likes you and is devoted to nurturing your relationship. If he gives you a nickname (and only you) then that means he’s at least in love with you.
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Don’t be afraid to ask. If your relationship is good, maybe you just need to talk about your feelings. Talk about what you like about him and tell him how you feel. Instead, ask him if he feels the same way about you.
- For example, you could say, “I think maybe I’m starting to love you, but I’m not sure how you feel so I’m a little insecure.”
Understand Why He Doesn’t Say “I Love You”
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Know that he is afraid of rejection. People can be hurt when they confess their feelings because it is not certain that the other person will reciprocate their feelings. Maybe he’s afraid that you’ll reject his love, even if you pretend you like him. [15] X Research Source
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Understand how the past affects the present. If he’s been through a painful relationship in the past, he may not be ready to jump into a relationship with another girl. For that reason, don’t immediately think that something is wrong if he hasn’t confessed to you; Maybe he just wants to wait until he feels ready to commit to you. [16] X Research Source
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Realize that some guys have a hard time expressing their feelings. Maybe he simply doesn’t know how to say it. Maybe he just likes to show his affection for you non-verbally and put you first in his life.
Advice
- When he trusts you so much that he’s willing to share his troubles and worries with you and seek your advice, then he takes what you think seriously.
- Talk to him and express how you feel.
- Don’t assume he doesn’t love you if you don’t ask him.
- Don’t misunderstand the situation. Make sure he likes you before jumping to conclusions.
- Even if he doesn’t say “I love you” all the time, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Sometimes he gets nervous when he says it, even when he knows you’ll respond.
- Have a serious talk about your future plans, and if he’s always avoiding you, it’s likely he doesn’t love you, or that it’s a difficult topic for him to talk about. You need to say that you are always there for him and are willing to listen if he wants to open up, and then you should have the communication skills needed in a healthy relationship.
- Ignore the gossip and focus on the things that can make you and your partner happy.
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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 162,233 times.
He says he loves you, but how do you know he really is? And what if he never said love? It’s not easy to tell if a certain guy’s heart belongs to you, but it’s not impossible. Look out for signs like how much time he spends with you or how much effort he puts into cultivating your relationship. Don’t forget that every guy is different, so not all of the tips in this article will apply to your guy.
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