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This article was co-written by Maya Diamond, MA. Maya Diamond is a love and marriage counselor in Berkeley, CA. She has 11 years of experience in counseling conflicted couples to regain stability, heal past wounds, and create a lasting, loving union. She received her Master’s degree in Experimental Psychology from the California Institute of Integrative Studies in 2009.
This article has been viewed 13,086 times.
Kissing a guy for the first time can be nerve-wracking. The hardest part is probably knowing when and how to elicit a kiss, but it’s actually easier than you think! Start by flirting with him so he knows how you feel. Then, when it’s just you and the guy, slowly move closer to him and wait for a pause in the conversation to move forward. Place a soft kiss on his cheek and switch to a French kiss when you’re both ready.
Steps
Kissing for the first time
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Wait for a moment of silence in the conversation. Choosing the right time to kiss can be difficult! It’s best to wait for a natural moment of silence in the conversation and lean in to get ready for a hug or a kiss. Let the conversation cool down naturally, but continue to stay close to him.
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Look into his eyes. Be bold enough to look him in the eye, especially right before you move closer to him for a kiss. Looking deeply into his eyes is not only a romantic gesture, but it also makes it easier for you to make a sincere connection. [1] X Research Source
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Probe him with a soft kiss on the cheek. If you’re not sure how he’ll react to a kiss on the lips, try kissing him on the cheek first. You can give him a quick kiss on the cheek when he says something cute, or you can lean in and last the kiss for a few seconds to let him know how you feel at the moment.
- If he’s startled or turns away, maybe you should slow down a bit.
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Ask if you can kiss him if you’re not sure. This may sound clumsy, but it turns out to be an adorable sweet moment! Your guy is also forewarned of what’s to come and you’ll avoid an outright rejection if he isn’t interested.
- Try saying, “Today was fun. Can I kiss you now?” If you’re more daring, you can also say, “Shall we kiss?”
- Limits are important, so if you’re not sure, just ask. [2] X Research Source
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Lean over, close your eyes, and tilt your head to the side. While it’s not necessary to close your eyes, things can get a little awkward if you’re staring at him all the time! It’s best to keep your eyes closed. Also, tilt your head slightly to the side just before locking lips with him. [3] X Research Sources
Tip: Kissing is easier if one’s mouth is tilted slightly to the side. This pose also helps prevent their noses and teeth from sticking together!
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Start by gently touching your lips to his. Gently brush your lips against his when you first touch. Try to press your lips gently, moving slowly and gently. Now close your lips. If he seems to like it then you can step it up a bit. [4] X Research Sources
- Don’t purse your lips tightly, this may make him think you’re not very interested.
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Try to find other types of kisses. Kisses don’t have to be on the lips! Give your lips a break and try kissing him on the earlobe, on the neck, or on the inside of his wrist. If you want to be more seductive, try kissing him in the hollow of his neck near his collarbone. [5] X Research Sources
- You can also take a breather by gently kissing his nose or forehead.
- Do not rush! Go at a pace you’re both comfortable with. [6] X Research Source
French Kiss
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Try tongue kissing if it’s obvious he wants more. Open your mouth slightly enough for you to put your tongue through the gap between your lips. Gently run your tongue over his lower lip and then retract it.
Tip: Gently press your lips and move gently. Remember you can always kiss harder and faster afterwards.
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Use your tongue in moderation. Slowly and gently put your tongue in his mouth, indenting it back a few seconds each time. For example, you could touch his tongue with your tongue and then pull it back. Rotate your tongue around his and then pull it back. If you don’t pull your tongue back every once in a while, the kiss seems too forceful, and eventually saliva becomes a problem! [7] X Research Sources
- The times when you pull your tongue back are also an opportunity for you to catch your breath.
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Avoid biting or leaving kiss marks. It’s okay to nibble on his lower lip from time to time, but absolutely don’t bite or let your teeth get in the way. Gentle kisses on the jawline are great, but don’t suck on his neck like the tip of a vacuum cleaner. Most people are not interested in kiss marks! [8] X Research Sources
- Plus, the marks left behind by the cuddles can get both of them into big trouble with their parents. Be just right!
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Gently let him know what you mean. If he kisses too hard or too fast and you don’t like it, don’t suffer silently! Take it back and say something like, “I don’t like kissing like that,” then describe exactly what kind of kiss you like. He will be glad to be guided by you!
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Skillfully use your hands while kissing. Don’t just let go of your hands – use your hands to make the kiss even better! Pull him close and try wrapping your arms around his shoulders, placing your hands on his hips, chest, or cheeks. [9] X Research Source
- You can also try running your fingers through his hair.
- Stop if you feel he seems uncomfortable with your touch.
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Experiment with different techniques to make things more interesting. As you start to get more comfortable, you can go a little further. You can also try varying the intensity and speed of the kiss. Don’t stay with one technique for too long! [10] X Research Source
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Let him crave more. Ending the kiss before it starts to get bored is ideal. If you stop while the feeling is still high, he will immediately look forward to the next time! Let go of your lips, look him in the eye, and smile before you pull away.
Flirting and creating a romantic atmosphere
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Say hello when you see him and strike up a conversation. Instead of just hesitantly asking how things are going, prepare more specific topics to keep the conversation flowing. Tell him what you’re going to do or mention a funny story that only the insiders will understand. Remember to ask open-ended questions so he can’t just answer “yes” or “no.”
- For example, you could say, “I heard you and your friends are going to a year-end costume party? Seem fun. What are you going to wear?”
- You can also say something like, “I didn’t hear anything when Mr. Su gave the homework. Can you help me?” [11] X Research Source
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Find an excuse to touch him lightly. Gentle touches can help you find the courage to break the barrier of touching in a romantic way. For example, during a conversation, you could lightly touch his arm when he says something funny or “accidentally” bump into him while you’re walking together. [12] X Research Source
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Speak sincere compliments. Everyone likes to be complimented, and this is also a way to show that you care about him. Focus on the one quality you really like in him – whether it’s his eyes, his hair, or his sense of humour – and say you really like those things. [13] X Research Source
Tip: A good compliment doesn’t have to be complicated! Try saying something like, “Has anyone told you your hair looks so romantic?”
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Maintain positive and open body language. Your posture can tell him how you’re feeling! Plus, this will make it much easier to give a kiss, and then he won’t be too surprised. Don’t cross your arms, twist your fingers, or clasp your hands together. Instead, turn towards him.
- For example, while standing, point your toes towards him. When sitting, point your knees towards him.
- If you can’t stop wiggling your hands, put the tables behind your back so the front looks more open.
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Find a convenient opportunity to be alone with him. It doesn’t have to be just the two of you, but a little privacy is better. For example, If you’re going out with a group of friends, ask him out for some fresh air. If the two of you are in public, try to find a quiet area that feels intimate. For example, if you’re at the mall, you can find a bench in a low-traffic area to sit. [14] X Research Source
- You can also try asking him to walk home with you or stop by his house and ask him if he wants to go for a walk.
- If you want to make sure it’s just you and the guy, you can ask him out on a private date.
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Move a little closer to him. The kiss will come more naturally if you slowly inched closer to him. This gesture is also a subtle hint that you want to be more intimate with him. It’s better than taking a sudden action that takes him by surprise. [15] X Research Source
- If you’re both on the couch or in the car, you can move closer to him. When standing, leash a little to see if he pulls you close.
- You can also try holding his hand and resting your head on his shoulder.
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Lean in and cuddle him for a romantic moment. This gesture works best when the two of you are about to say goodbye, but you can try it at any time, like when you’re watching a movie together. Lean into him, wrap your arms around his neck or shoulders, and hold the hug for 2-3 seconds before letting go.
- You need an intimate moment, but don’t hold him for too long or things get awkward!
Advice
- Avoid using lip gloss. Lip gloss looks really tempting, but kissing is horrible!
- Don’t forget to breathe!
- If he ever says he wants to kiss you, don’t hesitate to kiss him.
- If you’re not ready, you don’t have to kiss him.
- Try different kissing techniques the next time around and find out what he likes best.
- If the first kiss didn’t go well, try something different next time.
- Remember that you have to really like the guy first, or things can get uncomfortable. Practice kissing first with two fingers. Don’t use your tongue if this is your first kiss. Also, smile after you kiss and don’t kiss for too long.
- If you wear glasses, remove them before kissing. Glasses will make it difficult for you, sometimes even painful to kiss.
- Exfoliate your lips and apply lip balm before meeting him for soft, alluring lips.
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This article was co-written by Maya Diamond, MA. Maya Diamond is a love and marriage counselor in Berkeley, CA. She has 11 years of experience in counseling conflicted couples to regain stability, heal past wounds, and create a lasting, loving union. She received her Master’s degree in Experimental Psychology from the California Institute of Integrative Studies in 2009.
This article has been viewed 13,086 times.
Kissing a guy for the first time can be nerve-wracking. The hardest part is probably knowing when and how to elicit a kiss, but it’s actually easier than you think! Start by flirting with him so he knows how you feel. Then, when it’s just you and the guy, slowly move closer to him and wait for a pause in the conversation to move forward. Place a soft kiss on his cheek and switch to a French kiss when you’re both ready.
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