How to Keep Chastity

Maintaining chastity in a sex-obsessed society is not easy. You will find that setting healthy and firm personal limits is important for self-control with your body, and for what you find pleasant or unpleasant doing things with your partner. mine.

Table of Contents

Define your own boundaries

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Consider the reasons. Understanding why this decision is important to you is the crux of the matter. Take time to consider your argument. There’s no need to stay chaste if it’s for a parent, religious father, lover, or wikiHow article, do it for what’s best for you . ^{[1] X Research Resources} Write down your thoughts in a journal so you can read them again when you want. Potential reasons for avoiding sex are: ^{[2] X Research Source}

Personal or religious beliefs that require waiting or abstinence.
You don’t feel ready or excited. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
You are asexual (meaning you do not feel sexual desire, sexual disgust). ^{[4] X Research Sources}
You want to spend your first time with someone special.
You do not have access to birth control, or sexual health facilities.
You are underage or feel too young.
You worry about safety: fear of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases etc.., or your family is strict, your feelings and safety will be affected if they find out. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Consider the time frame. How long do you want to abstain from sex? Most people don’t stay virgin their whole life, and you’d better set clear and reasonable goals for yourself. Think about how long you want to stay chaste, and know that you can always change your mind if it no longer works for you. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Deciding not to have sex for years can be overwhelming for some people. Make a limited-time contract with yourself (e.g., “I’m abstaining from sex this month”), and then review or renew it until the end of each month.
If you believe you shouldn’t have premarital sex, wait until you’re old enough to get married and find someone who means a lot to you. If you’re pondering whether or not to keep your chastity, you’re probably at an age when it’s common to have sex between unmarried people. If you are ready for a relationship, find your true love and get married.

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Eliminate misconceptions. Sex isn’t a bad thing, and abstinence doesn’t make you “pure” or morally better. Sex can be beautiful between emotionally ready, consenting adults. It doesn’t change the way you look, ^{[7] X Research Source} and doesn’t make you a bad person. ^{[8] X Research Source} Don’t abstain from sex out of fear, but for the sake of clarity and health.

Most people will have sex at some point in their lives. If at any point you think you’re ready, you shouldn’t feel guilty.

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Define your own terms. “Chastity” and “sexuality” are terms that many people understand differently. ^{[9] X Source of Research}^{[10] X Source of Research} Before you define your boundaries, you need to know how you define these terms. ^{[11] X Research Source}

How do you define “sex”? What kind of intimate contact do you feel okay with, and which goes too far? How do you define “chasteness”? Is it mental, mental, or physical chastity, or a combination of those?
You need to set parameters for yourself to know what is acceptable to you, and be able to communicate that to others.
If you know your boundaries, express them confidently, and expect others to respect them, you will have the strength to stand up for your point of view and do what you think is right. ^{[12] X Research Source}

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Define your options optimistically. Instead of focusing on the flaws of sex, think about the good things to do. ^{[13] X Research Source}

If you don’t plan to have a partner right now, what will you spend your time on?
If you want to hold yourself to a certain deadline, pursue that goal. For example, if you want to wait until you feel more confident and assertive, try taking an assertiveness and confidence building class.

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Set boundaries. You need to clearly define physical, emotional, and mental boundaries. No one has the right to violate and disrespect your boundaries. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Define emotional boundaries. What kind of affection makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable? What kind of behavior makes you emotionally uncomfortable? Understand that other people’s feelings are not more important than your own. ^{[15] X Research Source}
Consider mental boundaries. To what extent can you let other people’s views and opinions influence you? To what extent do you feel they no longer respect your thoughts or opinions? To what extent do you still feel comfortable explaining or defending your beliefs to others? ^{[16] X Research Source}
Think about physical boundaries. How, where and when do you feel comfortable being touched? What kind of physical contact crosses your personal boundaries? Define your boundaries for yourself and for others.
There are several lists online to help you figure out what’s acceptable and unacceptable. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Talk to your lover about your boundaries

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Be frank with anyone you date. For some people, a non-sexual relationship is like a saboteur, and it’s unfair to both of you if you put off speaking up about sex. ^{[22] X Research Source} Let them know before things get serious, so no one gets hurt during the breakup.

While it’s tempting to delay telling your plan to keep your virginity to your crush, it’s not advisable. They’ll find out sooner or later, and if they find out late then both of you will have to go through the pain and trouble that could have been avoided.
If they don’t agree with you and can’t be in a non-sexual relationship, that’s also normal and simply their choice. You shouldn’t be pressured for their decisions, respect each other’s decisions. If the two of you are not on the same page, it is best to break up happily. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

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Spend time talking about your boundaries with your partner. Let them know what is acceptable and what is not, and let them speak their boundaries. If you want, you can take this opportunity to explain why it’s important to you to keep your chastity (now or forever). They may not understand and ask you questions; you should take the time to explain if you feel comfortable.

If your partner tries to negotiate boundaries with you, make it clear that these are very serious boundaries, and that they must respect.
If you don’t want to explain why you have to stay chaste, just say you do. Say something like, “I don’t want to talk about it,” and that’s enough.

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Be clear about consent in the relationship (when kissing and touching). Consent is very important, you need to know how to agree, withdraw and evaluate whether you agree or not. ^{[24] X Research Sources} It’s important to be honest about what you like and don’t like. A good relationship is when two people can communicate clearly and listen to the other person. ^{[25] X Research Sources}

Say “no” or say you want to slow down as soon as you feel uncomfortable. A simple sentence like “I don’t like that”, “I’m not ready”, or “Not now” is enough to make it clear to the other person.
Clarify how to express consent. Your partner should always know what you want when you’re together. Agree verbally, smile, make eye contact, or take the initiative.
If you’re not sure, say so. A basic but effective sentence like “I’m not sure”, or you can just say “I don’t know. Can you convince me?”
Ask your partner questions: “Do you like this?”, “If I…how about it?”, “Can we cuddle?”

Resist pressure from friends

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Understand what peer pressure is. You’ve probably heard that young people are under peer pressure, including pressure to have sex. To combat this pressure, you need to recognize it or know what it is. When you recognize someone who is using these tactics, you can better cope with the situation. Types of peer pressure are: ^{[34] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to source}

Explicit pressure : This is the strongest form of pressure and often involves direct, unspoken statements from others like “I can’t believe you haven’t had sex. Everyone has sex!”.
Implicit pressure : This type of pressure is a bit more subtle and often makes you feel like there’s something weird and out of the ordinary about you not following them. Maybe you hear them say, “Never mind, she’s a virgin so she won’t understand” or they call you a “virgin” or “a decent person.”
Controlling pressure : This type of pressure is like an attempt to coax you into doing something by threatening to isolate or end a friendship if you don’t do what they want. Maybe they say things like, “We can’t be friends if you’re a virgin” or “I don’t hang out with virgins.”

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Incredulous. The people around you may be loudly telling the truth, but it is also possible that they are just exaggerating, if not completely fabricating, what they do. ^{[35] X Research Source}^{[36] X Research Source}

Although they say convincingly, you should learn to doubt what others claim to have done. You don’t necessarily have to distinguish the truth from the fake right away, but save what they say under the heading “not sure true”.

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Understand the effect of the sentence “That is not true”. It can be difficult to maintain your pride and confidence in the face of negative external messages, whether from the media, culture, friends, family, or powerful figures.

If someone tries to test your boundaries with negative comments or statements that you know aren’t true, stand your ground. Repeat the statement “That’s not true!” with yourself and with that person until their message fades. ^{[37] X Research Source}

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Identify what it means to have sex for you. Peer pressure often has the effect of making the listener feel like having sex is something specific, like having sex makes you an adult or demonstrating independence from your parents. ^{[38] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

Don’t accept other people’s judgments about you not having sex. This is especially important if you’re in high school, where peer pressure about sex is hard to avoid. Don’t care about statements like “if you’re not in a relationship, it’s because you’re not attractive” or “because you’re too scared” and so on. Deciding not to have a relationship doesn’t mean that at all, but rather that you’re actively making your choice and not letting others take that right away from you.

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Play with like-minded people. The best way to relieve peer pressure is to stay away from the people who create it. ^{[39] X Research Sources}

If you have friends who tease or pressure you sexually, ask them to stop confidently and calmly. If not, you should limit going out with them.
Play with people who accept your point of view and respect your right to make decisions.

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Leave. Just like how to deal with a partner who doesn’t respect your boundaries, you can and should leave if your friend doesn’t respect them.

Walk away calmly and confidently. The most important thing is to get up and leave, but if you can, you should leave the situation calm and confident. That’s how you prove they can’t manipulate you.
As you walk, you imagine crushing their words and throwing them away.
After throwing away their words, you tell yourself positive things about yourself. ^{[40] X Research Source}

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Respect everyone’s right to choose and don’t mock others for choosing differently from yours. Don’t loathe sex or force others to be like you. Sexual activity is a very personal choice, and just as you respect those who are enjoying sex, they will respect your abstention.

Advice

If someone doesn’t accept the answer “no,” it could be a sign that they don’t really respect you or your autonomy. In the worst case scenario, it could be a sign of an abusive person, and you should find someone you can trust for help. ^{[41] X Research Source}
Remember that it is you who must define your own boundaries. If someone cannot or does not respect this boundary, you have the right to ask, or if necessary, insist that they stay away from you.
Rape and sex are two different things. Rape is an act of violence and control, while sex is an act of lust. You can get rid of them and keep your virginity.

Steps

Define your own boundaries

Talk to your lover about your boundaries

Resist pressure from friends

Advice

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