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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,952 times.
Sex isn’t just about satisfying your own needs, it’s also about connecting with others. But sometimes a number of distractions affect your ability to stay close to your partner. It could be work, school, or children taking up the entire day. Whatever the reason, sex is often the forgotten thing in a relationship. However, you shouldn’t let your everyday life get in the way of your desire for sex. Refreshing and adding excitement to “sex” will not be difficult if you communicate openly with your partner and you both spice up your sex life and spend time with your other half. in bed (and elsewhere).
Steps
Nurturing Passion
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Explore your own body. If you want to feel comfortable and close to your partner, you should do this with yourself first. You can connect your body and your feelings very closely. [1] X Research Source You should feel free to explore and express your feelings. Find out for yourself how much you like touch, what excites you, and how your body responds to different stimuli. Alternatively, you can also explore your body with your partner.
- Vibrators help women understand their own sexual responses and show their partners what women like. [2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
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Relax before you jump in. You can apply some relaxation techniques before getting close to your partner. This helps me not to put too much emphasis on whether I do well or not. Instead, you should enjoy every minute of this fun time. Breathe deeply and constantly relax tense muscles. [3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Relax with your partner. Take a deep breath together and relax your body and mind.
- If you are worried about your sex skills, you can refer to the article “How to Overcome Anxiety about Sex Skills”.
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Focus on foreplay. Sometimes sex is like a pre-scripted movie, like the two sides making the scene from A to B to C quickly. Instead, you should slow down and focus on the excitement before you get in. Foreplay makes both feel equally excited. [4] X Research Sources
- Massage each other’s bodies before sex, and take time to explore each other’s bodies before resuming love. You can prolong the most important part of the rainstorm and make it as pleasurable as possible. Turn on soft music and enjoy a romantic evening. Remember this is not a race and take it slow.
- Focus on evoking and keeping your partner excited. Then you can revel in the pleasure that person brings.
- Many women feel most aroused when the clitoris is stimulated during foreplay. [5] X Research Sources
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Do it slowly. You shouldn’t be “in love” in a hurry to end it quickly. On the contrary, both should slow down and fully enjoy the time together. Feel the pleasure of being caressed, and then repeat the movement with your other half. Enjoy the moment of cuddling and being cuddled. You can initiate casual touching before erotic caressing. Feel your partner’s body and take it slow. [6] X Research Sources
- Practice focusing on perception. This step helps build trust and intimacy in a slow (20-40 minutes), and relieves anxiety about your skills. Each side takes turns doing some extra touching with the other half. First, you stroke your partner in the position of the upper body, arms, and legs in a normal way. Then stroke in sensitive areas such as around the breasts/nipples and inner thighs, but do not touch the private area. Finally, you can touch the points of irritation including the intimate area or mild irritation. After that, both of them can join the game at will if they want. [7] X Research Sources
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Close freedom. One of the reasons that makes sex life boring is having sex at fixed intervals. Maybe you’ve only “fallen in love” in the morning, or on special days when you’re off work, school, or your kids aren’t home. You can make sex more intense by having sex at unexpected times, in unusual ways, or in unfamiliar locations. Furthermore, you should not hesitate to masturbate; This is a healthy behavior in a relationship. [8] X Research Sources
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Explore your sexuality. You can use toys and costumes in the bedroom to make love more interesting and bring more joy to both of you. You can “damage” as much as you like. As long as two parties communicate honestly with each other, there is nothing wrong with the relationship. [9] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Increase excitement with role-playing. Both can wear costumes and call each other by different names.
- Blindfolds are the easiest way to make love shift to focus on the unexpected and different sensations of touch. If you like, you can temporarily put your vision aside.
- Some couples in long-term relationships often want to regain their initial feelings when they first met during periods when they don’t spend enough time together. The two can plan a private date at the bar they used to go to and pretend they don’t know each other. Re-experience everything that goes on on your first date when you’ve never met, and then pretend you don’t know anything about your partner’s sexual preferences. Continue with that stream of emotions.
Chat with Partners
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Tell your partner what you like. The safest, most effective, and fastest way to improve your sex life is to communicate openly with your partner. You can tell your partner what actions excite or dishearten you. Discuss some of your limitations and aspirations about sex. You should tell all the things your partner needs to know to make your sex life as satisfying as possible. [10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- You shouldn’t just focus on your partner’s wrong actions, but instead should focus on expressing your desires. Use sentences that begin with the pronoun “I,” like “I like you to stroke me like that” or “I feel more comfortable waiting for it.” [11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- If you find it difficult or embarrassing to talk about sex with your partner, you can both write it down and talk to each other at the same time, or turn off the lights and talk in the dark.
- Talking helps build trust and intimacy. While direct action is often more erotic, talking to each other during the beginning of a relationship will save you the embarrassment and build the trust needed for a healthy sex life. .
- Don’t act until you’re ready. You should talk to your partner first.
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Specific exchange. When it comes to sex, we’re often shy and don’t come up with useful concrete content. You should communicate in as much detail as possible so that your partner doesn’t have to waste time thinking about what you want to say. [12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Instead of saying, “I want more sex” or “I want to be “in love” in a different way,” tell your partner how much you want to be with them and how you want them to be. Increase intimacy with your partner. Then discuss specific things you want to do with your partner, or details that you would like to change.
- Don’t lie about anything. Otherwise, it will damage trust and intimacy in the relationship. Instead, you should be open about your desires and be upfront about what may or may not work. [13] X Research Source
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Be honest about any changes in your body. Both men and women go through physical changes that affect their sex lives. [14] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- In the event that menopause changes your sex drive, you should make it clear to your partner rather than letting him or her think that you’re no longer interested in sex.
- If you have erectile dysfunction, you should talk to your female partner as well as your doctor. This condition can be cured easily and is nothing to be ashamed of. [15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Do activities that bring pleasure together. Maybe you ignore the fact that you have a higher sexual need than your partner, but you probably haven’t had the most complete love affair with your other half. Both of you should discuss what you like your partner to do. This is followed by a conversation about something new or unfamiliar. The goal of the conversation is to ensure that both of you enjoy the pleasure of experiencing it together. [16] X Research Source
- Join the discussion in a non-judgmental manner and don’t be shy; You should feel free to discuss sensitive topics with your partner.
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Share with your partner your wishes. You can talk about scenes that you often imagine and get you excited. Write it down if you feel shy and then discuss it with your partner. If something comes up during a conversation, like while watching TV or reading a magazine, you can ask, “What do you think about this?” You should be honest and open with that person. Moreover, telling each other the impossible can help make sex life more refreshing. [17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- The brain is the most sensitive human sex organ. Sharing vivid fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean being real, but in an open and trusting relationship, it can pave the way to discovering one’s own sexual instincts. body and help make sex life new, spontaneous, and bring a lot of joy.
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Connect with partners. Before connecting sexually, both of you can try other ways to bond. Every couple’s methods are different, so it’s important to use meaningful bonding with both of you. The two sides can learn how the link makes sense, and then apply it before engaging. Intimacy can include mental, experiential, and emotional connection. [18] X Research Sources Perceptions of closeness and trust need to be built as a solid foundation.
- Connect emotionally through dialogue that comes from the heart, sharing feelings, and showing empathy.
- Connect intellectually by discussing topics of mutual interest.
- Connect physically with your partner by sitting across from each other and looking each other in the eye. It may seem silly or you may feel vulnerable, but embrace this intimacy and maintain this intimacy until you’re both ready to move on.
Make time for Romance
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Make a plan to do “it”. You may think that scheduling sex ahead of time is not romantic at all, or that love is more complete when it happens randomly, but you can give it a try. If you always use “busy” excuses, you won’t be able to prioritize “sex”. [19] X Research Source
- Set aside one day a week to have sex with your partner. Throughout the day, you can create excitement and pressure so that sex is something you both look forward to.
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Travel together. Even a weekend getaway can help escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Sometimes work, school, or kids inadvertently interfere with your sex drive. [20] X Research Resources You can disrupt your routine by eliminating all distractions and allowing yourself to focus on your partner and your relationship.
- If needed, you can hire a babysitter (or pet sitter) and have a little tour. Both can go camping in the forest or go to a small motel in the suburbs.
- No money to travel? You can both travel at home by turning off your computer, phone, and television, and spending time with your partner.
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Prepare a romantic space. Light candles, buy silk sheets, and make the bed your very own paradise. Form positive associations in the bedroom and get rid of things that don’t bring joy such as piles of clothes, work papers, or children’s toys. [21] X Research Source
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Initiate “sex” with a partner. If you have long been passive in mentioning sensitive matters, you should try it once. If you’re always the one who initiates sex, you can talk to your partner and say that you don’t want to sound like the pushover in your relationship. You and your partner need to know everything and make sure you’re both satisfied with the progress that’s going on. [22] X Research Source
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Emotionally and physically close. Sex life is not just about activities that take place in bed. If two people are not close emotionally, do not spend time together and get to know each other, then the love will not be complete and neither will the relationship. [23] X Research Source Both need to talk and spend time together, as well as take good care of their relationship.
- You should be comfortable with your partner when sharing your hopes, fears, dreams, and desires. Experience weakness by opening up and being accepted by your partner.
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Find a mentor. If your fear of closeness or anxiety is having a big impact on your relationship, see a therapist. A therapist will help you find ways to be more intimate with your partner, deal with anxiety, and communicate more effectively. Each person can go to the counselor separately or together, or both. [24] X Research Source
- A therapist will find ways to overcome problems that interfere with intimacy, such as past sexual abuse, emotional problems, and can help shape attitudes safe and positive for sex.
- For more detailed information, you can refer to the article “How to Find a Sex Therapist”.
Advice
- Don’t let rumors related to other people’s sex lives affect your sex life.
- You need to keep in mind that sex is not just about satisfying your partner. You shouldn’t have sex when you feel it’s just a mission. This is a pleasure that both are entitled to enjoy.
- You should know that “sex” is more than just getting to the top.
- If you’re considering using boosters, especially pills, creams, and sprays, it’s a good idea to research their safety and effectiveness first.
Warning
- Pornography has no function to express a woman’s need for sex. You should ask your partner what she likes/dislikes.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,952 times.
Sex isn’t just about satisfying your own needs, it’s also about connecting with others. But sometimes a number of distractions affect your ability to stay close to your partner. It could be work, school, or children taking up the entire day. Whatever the reason, “sex” is often the forgotten thing in a relationship. However, you shouldn’t let your everyday life get in the way of your desire for sex. Refreshing and adding excitement to “sex” will not be difficult if you communicate openly with your partner and you both spice up your sex life and spend time with your other half. in bed (and elsewhere).
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