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You want to know if someone is bisexual because you want to ask them out, or you want to be a supportive friend. You can’t guess it by looks, but you can pay attention to the other person’s actions and words. However, the best way is still to talk to them. If you want to go on a date, ask the person out or be friends with them first. Plus, remember sexual orientation is private, don’t invade their privacy or pressure them into going public.
Steps
Observe actions and words
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Review past relationships and loved ones. If the other person is bisexual, they will definitely date or like people of both sexes. Listen to what they have to say about their lover or someone they like. Also, notice what they share about the people they’re interested in dating. [1] X Research Source
- For example, you have a friend who is dating the other guy, but she was previously in a seemingly romantic relationship with a girl. Your friend may be bisexual, but not 100%.
- Similarly, you may know that the guy regularly dates girls, but he also mentions how cool it is to have a male friend. That guy could be bisexual.
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Pay attention to how the person talks about the attractiveness of others. Bisexual people can feel the beauty of both sexes, although that doesn’t mean they find everyone like it. To see if your partner is bisexual, listen to how they perceive other people’s bodies. Or you can comment on others and see how they react. [2] X Research Source
- For example, you two are going to the beach. A bisexual guy might say things like, “That girl’s fine,” as well as compliments, “That guy’s abs are crazy for me.”
- Remember that this also does not 100% confirm that your partner is bisexual. Because some people are very comfortable when it comes to the human body.
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Pay attention to whether the other person uses the name “they” when talking about your lover and the person of your dreams. People who are bisexual and yet to come out may not want you to know the gender of their other half. So instead of using “he”, “she”, the opponent will use “them”, “that person” when referring. Listen attentively if they tend to use that expression. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, the other person might say something like, “I ran into my ex the other day by accident. They’re fine, but I’m still glad they broke up.”
- Subjects may use “last name” because their partner wants to, or they think gender-based designations are outdated. Don’t automatically assume they’re bisexual.
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Notice if they refuse to talk about their love life. Bisexuals often do not like to talk about the person they are dating for fear of revealing too much. Consider if the subject never mentions their situation even if you ask. Then, tell them your love story and see how they respond. [4] X Research Sources
- You could say, “Dating is hard these days. I had my first date last week, and it didn’t go very well.” Wait to see if they share anything back.
- Don’t pressure the other person to speak if they’re not ready. Also don’t conclude someone is bisexual just because they’re not open to you. Maybe they’re just quiet people.
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Avoid assuming a person is bisexual based on appearance or speech. Sometimes the media portrays bisexual people as both male and female or overly sexual. However, both of those images are misrepresentations. Don’t judge others by the way they dress, their hair, their way of walking or speaking. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, don’t assume that girls cut their hair short, and men’s clothes have to be lesbian or bisexual.
Talk to them about sexual orientation
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You should be aware that there are many sexual orientations out there. It’s a complex subject that still has many gray areas, so you can’t conclude someone is bisexual even if they are attracted to more than one gender. In addition to gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, they may also belong to the following trends: [6] X Research Source
- Totally homosexual, meaning you are attracted to anyone regardless of gender or gender identity.
- Sexual orientation is flexible, meaning their sexual orientation can change.
- Bisexual means you are attracted to both sexes and the term is also used interchangeably with bisexuality.
- Asexual means you are not sexually attracted to anyone.
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Discuss your sexual orientation to spark the topic. Being open about your sexual orientation, whatever it is, will make the person feel comfortable and open up to you. Bring up the topic of sexual orientation to see if the other person wants to talk about it. If they look comfortable, tell them about your sexual orientation. [7] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- You might say, “I just watched this TV show that portrays gay and bisexuality very well. What do you think about the characters?”. If your audience responds positively to the story, you can add, “I’m bisexual, so I like how they don’t stereotype that image.”
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Tell them you support the LGBTQ+ community. Going public can be scary when you don’t know what other people think about LGBTQ+. Showing your support to the community will make them see you as an ally without mentioning their sexual orientation. Be open about where you stand and let them know you’re there for your LGBTQ+ friends. [8] X Research Sources
- You can say “I think love is love, I support the LGBTQ+ community”, or “I started questioning my sexual orientation before puberty, and last year I admitted that I am gay. female. So now I’m trying to support my friends who are LGBTQ+.”
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Ask your partner about their sexual orientation if they are comfortable about it. The only way to be sure someone is bisexual is to ask them directly. If you think they would be comfortable sharing, just ask them. If the other party refuses to answer, change the subject and respect their privacy. [9] X Research Source
- Say things like “Have you ever wondered about your sexual orientation?” or “Do you consider yourself bisexual?”.
- If they don’t want to answer, say, “Never mind. How was your week?”
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Let them decide for themselves whether to go public or not. You may mean well, but it’s important to remember that they don’t have to be honest with you. A person’s sexual orientation is a private matter, so don’t force them to tell you when you’re not ready. Give them the time and space they need to be open with you. Also, don’t reveal their story if the other person is open to you. [10] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- If your partner says they’re bisexual, keep it to yourself. If someone else asks you about them, say, “If you want to know, ask yourself.”
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Don’t discuss other people’s sexual orientation. You may be afraid to talk to a person about their sexual orientation, that’s understandable. However, do not gossip and spread rumors that hurt others. Hold your thoughts and questions about your partner’s sexual orientation until you’re ready to ask them directly. [11] X Research Source
- For example, don’t say something like, “I heard that An and Linh kissed last night. Do you think those two are bisexual?”.
Invite them on a date
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Ask your partner out on a date with you if they come out to you as bisexual. Once you know they can date both sexes, try asking them out. Tell them you’re looking forward to a romantic date, then suggest some activities you both enjoy. [12] X Research Source
- Say, “I want to hang out with my friends and I think we can be more than just friendship. Do you want to go bowling with me this Friday as your first date?”
Tip: Remember that being bisexual doesn’t mean they’re automatically attracted to everyone. They still may not be interested in a romantic relationship.
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Invite them out as friends if you’re not sure they’re bisexual. It’s hard to just be on a friendship level with the person you have a crush on, but developing a friendship with your partner can help you find out if they’re ready to date you. Consider your mutual interests, and choose an activity you both enjoy. Invite them to join as friends. [13] X Research Source
- For example, you both like a band. You could say, “The Wild Salmon has a show this Friday. Would you like to come with me?”
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Spend time with your partner so that they feel secure and open up to you. Invite them out to deepen their friendship. Also, text them every day to stay in touch. This will help them feel more comfortable around you and possibly open up about their sexual orientation. [14] X Research Source
- Be open about your sexual orientation so your partner can talk about themselves.
- You could say, “I still remember the first time I had a crush on a girl. Has this ever happened to you?”
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Flirt if you think your partner likes you too. First, give a little compliment on the other person’s appearance. Then try commenting on their body. If they take it, call them by a nickname to see how they react. When you’re ready, gently tap your partner to break the intimacy barrier. [15] X Research Source
- Take it slow so you both get comfortable with what’s going on.
- You can say, “Wow, your shirt is so flattering”, or “Your ass looks great in these jeans”.
Note: If the opponent seems uncomfortable, withdraw immediately. Respect their boundaries.
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Deal with rejection by spending time with friends. Dating can be difficult, and sometimes you will experience rejection. This may sound bad, but being rejected doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s just, it’s not the person for you. To feel better, hang out with your friends to remind them that you’re still loved. [16] X Research Source
- You can also write a list of good things about yourself to boost your confidence.
Advice
- Remember that a bisexual friend is not necessarily interested in dating you just because they may be attracted to someone of the same sex. Don’t force yourself to change your behavior around them. [17] X Research Source
- If your partner has come out to you as bisexual, don’t tell anyone else unless they allow it. Maybe they just want to go public with someone they trust.
- They may still be questioning their own sexual orientation and that’s completely normal. Don’t try to label if the other person isn’t ready yet.
Warning
- Don’t harass or bully someone just because of their sexual orientation. If you witness someone being bullied, contact the authorities immediately.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 41,919 times.
You want to know if someone is bisexual because you want to ask them out, or you want to be a supportive friend. You can’t guess it by looks, but you can pay attention to the other person’s actions and words. However, the best way is still to talk to them. If you want to go on a date, ask the person out or be friends with them first. Plus, remember sexual orientation is private, don’t invade their privacy or pressure them into going public.
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