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This article was co-written by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master’s degree in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on methods of improving relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he is the author of Married Roommates.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,618 times.
If you’re having problems with your relationship, know that you’re not alone. Most people are, have, and will have difficulties in relationships. However, you can work through those problems if the two of you decide to work together to mend it, start by trying to understand what has happened to your relationship.
Steps
Understanding the Problem
- You feel like your partner wants you to be a different person, like he or she doesn’t want you to do the things you normally like to do, wants you to change your personality, or tries to control people and behavior. your move. And vice versa; that is if you feel like you want to change your partner, that could be a sign of problems. [2] X Research Source
- The two of you keep arguing over the same issues over and over again and can’t come up with any solutions. [3] X Research Sources
- You find that the two of you are no longer together as much as before or as much as you would like. [4] X Research Sources
- One person has more control over the relationship or one of you doesn’t feel the relationship is fair in some way. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “Honey, I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about our relationship. I think we’ve been having trouble interacting with each other lately. , and I want us to discuss how to fix it.”
- Research has shown that regularly talking about what’s right and wrong can make your relationship better in the long run because you don’t let small problems build up into big problems. [7] X Research Sources
Learn to Discuss Better
- Look for warning signals. If you feel like you have to win an argument, it’s time to take a break. At that time, you will be inclined to say words that you will regret or take the argument too far. [11] X Research Source
- It is very important to respect the other person’s feelings, because he or she has the right to express his or her feelings no matter what. Whether you think the person is right or not, you should respect what they are feeling. [13] X Research Source
- One way to show that you’re listening is to try to summarize what the other person is saying. For example, you could say, “I heard you say that you get annoyed when you have to do more housework than I do.”
- Another way is to ask relevant questions to make sure you understand what the other person is saying.
- Continue talking about what you think is your problem instead of blaming each other. In other words, start your sentence with “first person” instead of “second person”. For example, you could say, “I get annoyed when the house isn’t clean. Can we make a cleaning schedule together so that we can keep track of it? “I never cleaned the house with you!” [16] X Research Source
- Discuss your own needs and desires. If the two of you can decide what both of you need, you may not need to focus so much on the “want” part. Basically, the two of you need to decide what is most important and what is less important to you. Learn to give in to issues that don’t really matter. [18] X Research Sources
- If you hate cleaning the bathroom but your spouse wants you to help with the housework, maybe you should divide housework into things you’re more comfortable with and things he/she can tolerate. be more.
Re-establish Connection
Deciding How To Move Forward
- Start with the points you both agree on. Perhaps at least the two of you agree on the problem, or perhaps the first step in a solution. For example, maybe the two of you agree that the two of you lack the connection. The two of you can go further and agree that the two of you need to spend more time together. [26] X Research Source
- For example, if your partner mentions going out to dinner at a restaurant she likes, you might want to immediately protest over money if your budget is tight. Instead say, “Spending money makes me feel a little nervous right now because we’re having a hard time making it to a payday. We can compromise and go picnic somewhere. Are not?”
Warning
- If your relationship is abusive, it’s time to stop. If your partner physically hurts you or constantly puts you down, don’t try to mend the relationship.
This article was co-written by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master’s degree in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on methods of improving relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he is the author of Married Roommates.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,618 times.
If you’re having problems with your relationship, know that you’re not alone. Most people are, have, and will have difficulties in relationships. However, you can work through those problems if the two of you decide to work together to mend it, start by trying to understand what has happened to your relationship.
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