How to Have Sex Without Your Parents Knowing

Talk to your partner. Both of you are ready to have sex and accept the consequences. Make sure you both have the same desires. This is a bit embarrassing to say at first, but you have to discuss it to arrange the best way to avoid detection. If you don’t want your parents to know, you have to talk to your partner carefully.

• Find a quiet place to discuss. If your parents often read your texts, don’t discuss plans over text. If you go to the same school, you can talk there. Consider agreeing on a “code” to refer to sex-related things so you can plan more openly.

Mentally prepare. Lying to your parents may seem easier than telling the truth, but to successfully lie, you need sharp thinking and mental strength. To dodge well, you need a plan, an alibi, a code, and a disguise. Some people are better at coming up with this than others. There is no room for error if you want to lie to your parents. If not, you can tell them everything right now!

Agree on an alibi for each meeting. Do this even if you think you don’t need it. When your parents leave for dinner and a movie, tell them you plan to do your homework and watch TV in the evening. If you’re planning to go out with a group of friends that your parents won’t support, think of a more productive activity that you think you could do that night: study groups or spend the night at a best friend’s house, for example. Use your imagination but always be ready to prove your words.

• Be careful with words. Your parents probably know more than you think, and you shouldn’t give them reason to be suspicious. Know that your parents often talk to other parents.
• So you have to make sure your story matches the stories of those around you. If you say you’re going to stay over at a friend’s house, make sure that A) your parents won’t ask your friend’s parents about it, or B) your friend’s parents will lie for you.

Keep secret. Secrets are best kept on a need-to-know basis, which means only telling those who need to know. That also means you have to hide traces to avoid detection. Do not reveal diaries, gifts from your partner, condoms, or any other evidence.

Limit noise. You can’t expect this to just happen quietly under the covers if the two of you are so clumsy. Explain to your partner why you should keep quiet. After practicing well, you can even have sex when the house is full of people without anyone knowing. ^[5]

Consider non-coital sexual activities. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and non-coital sexual acts are often easier to conceal. You will find many unexpected opportunities to quickly satisfy together even though you cannot go to z together.

Understand the risks. Unprotected (sometimes protected) sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy, STIs, general health problems, and psychological effects. Sex is wonderful, but it also carries a great responsibility: for your body, for your partner, for your family, and for your future. Look for materials online about safe sex to make sure you’ve done everything you can.

• DO NOT have unprotected sex to avoid the risk of being discovered by your parents. Unintended pregnancy or STIs are much more difficult to explain than condoms or birth control pills. ^[6]

Make sure you’re ready. You have to make sure you are both mentally and physically ready to have sex. Sex is a fundamental part of being human, and it can change the way you see the world around you. You should do this for good reasons. Are you ready to enjoy and take responsibility for sex, or are you under pressure from friends and outsiders? You should consider it from the bottom of your heart.

Use protection. It’s best to combine measures if you want to prevent pregnancy and STIs. Condoms are available at most drugstores and specialty stores. For girls: ask your doctor about birth control pills and permanent birth control solutions if you plan to have a sex life. You might be hesitant to talk about it at first, but everyone does, and it’s better to be safe than to regret it later! ^[7]

• Free condoms are provided in some hospitals, clinics and schools, you can visit the school health room to find out. Store condoms carefully in a drawer or somewhere inconspicuous to avoid prying eyes. Always carry more condoms with you than you need, but do not use expired products listed on the package.
• “External ejaculation” is not a surefire way to prevent pregnancy. Even wearing a condom is not 100% sure, but much safer than other ways.
• Sexually transmitted diseases can pose serious risks, and will haunt you for the rest of your life. Think about who you will be dealing with and the people that person has been with. It is your responsibility in a sexual relationship to inform your partner of your sexual past. ^[8]

Go to a gynecologist. All sexually active women should have a gynecological exam at least once a year to screen for cancer, sexually transmitted diseases, and birth control. Most young girls have no reason to go to the gynecological clinic before having sex, so it is difficult to get parental consent without losing the cover. But it’s an important part of safe sex, and it’s worth taking the time to see a doctor. ^[9]

Talk to adults. If you can’t talk to your parents about sex, think about other adults who are comfortable with sensitive questions. Try talking to your doctor, teacher, trusted family member (brother, sister, aunt, uncle…) or counselor. If you can’t think of one, you should visit a clinic and ask to see a doctor. Sex brings with it a huge responsibility that you can’t shoulder on your own, so you should seek the advice of someone with more experience. ^[10]

• Brother or sister is a very easy person to talk to, and depending on your relationship with them. They are experienced with sex and also understand your background. Consider their advice before moving forward.