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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,664 times.
Are you still struggling in love? One of the most important steps in finding love is allowing yourself to open up, so let go of your protective cover. If you’re not ready to date someone, step out of your comfort zone and try to meet new people. When you start dating, keep a positive mindset and feel free to get to know your partner. Note, you can’t rush with love; Be patient, don’t try to force things to go your way and let the feelings develop naturally.
Steps
Allow yourself to open up
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Identify your roadblocks. Ask yourself if you are creating a cover to avoid getting hurt. Opening up to someone can be risky for you, so it’s perfectly normal to feel apprehensive about getting too close to someone. To fall in love, you need to open your heart and understanding your barrier is the first step to getting over it. [1] X Research Source
- If you have been in several relationships in the past, think about times when you avoided showing intimacy with your partner. For example, you don’t express your feelings for fear that they don’t feel the same way.
- You may find it difficult to think about your barrier, especially when it is often related to past trauma. Be honest with yourself and remember that everyone has fears and insecurities.
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Accept the things that you cannot change about yourself. No one is perfect and you should accept who you really are. Loving yourself can make it easier to open up to your partner and develop feelings for them. [2] X Research Source
- That means you can always change. For example, you cannot increase or decrease your height, but you can eat healthy and exercise for the best health.
- Always remind yourself that you are a wonderful person, and that you have a lot of good qualities! You can look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I’m a good person, don’t be afraid to show yourself! Take off your protective shell and allow yourself to be loved.”
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Transform overly critical thoughts. Everyone has a critic inside, and sometimes self-critical thoughts can become absurd and unrealistic. If you catch yourself thinking things like, “I’m no good” or “They’ll never love me,” stop that thought and remind yourself to look at things objectively. [3] X Research Sources
Tip: Every time you have negative critical thoughts, convert them. Instead of saying, “I’m never good at anything,” tell yourself, “Nobody’s perfect, but I just try my best. It’s normal to make mistakes from time to time.”
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Avoid playing catch. Playing catch-up and suppressing emotions is common dating behavior these days. However, it’s better to tell your true feelings. You don’t have to splurge on petty details on a first date, but be honest instead of playing catch-up. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, if you had an interesting date with someone, let them know. Don’t hesitate to send them a message saying “Thank you for a great evening! I’m really happy” if that’s what you want. You don’t have to wait 3 days before calling or pretending you don’t care so they have to chase you.
- Opening up is an important part of building an intimate relationship. You don’t have to admit your deepest feelings right away, but you and your partner won’t be able to develop feelings by playing catch-up.
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Don’t be afraid of rejection. Falling in love with someone unrequited will hurt you, but this is not a personal matter. You can get over the pain, even if at the time you thought you couldn’t. However, you will miss out on many wonderful things about love if you do not allow yourself to take risks.
- If you choose to go out and then stumble, don’t take it as the end. Relationships end for a lot of reasons. Just because you don’t get along with someone doesn’t mean you have a problem.
Meet many new people
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Step out of your comfort zone instead of relying on fate. If you’re not ready to go on a date, try making new friends, such as chatting with the person in the back while waiting for the checkout in the supermarket, greeting someone at a coffee shop, or having lunch with a friend. someone at school or work. [5] X Research Sources
- Finding love sometimes takes a lot of effort. Don’t just sit back and assume that the perfect lover will find you. Go out, meet a lot of people to find out how much you want to love someone.
- Even if you’re not interested in dating someone, talking to them will help you become more comfortable communicating.
A few suggestions for starting a conversation
“The coffee here is the best, don’t you think?”
“Hi – I just saw your book. Hemingway is my favorite author!”
“The weather is beautiful today! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for spring.”
“I feel like yesterday’s homework was countless. And what do you see?”
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Make time for a new hobby or join a club. A new hobby can help you meet new people and get you out of your comfort zone. Get involved in activities related to your interests. That way, you will have something in common with the people you meet. [6] X Research Source
- For example, if you enjoy reading, join a reading club. You can also take a cooking class, yoga or rock climbing class, or join a soccer or basketball club. If you are a student, join a club at school. If you have a dog, you can take the dog to the park and meet dog lovers.
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Try online dating. Briefly introduce yourself with vivid language in your resume. You can mention a few hobbies, but don’t talk too much about yourself. As for the image, remember to choose a photo that looks directly at the camera and highlights your sunny smile. [7] X Research Sources
- Stay calm and trust your intuition when meeting other people online. Just chat through a dating app or website, and then exchange phone numbers when you feel comfortable. Talk on the phone before you meet, and only make an appointment to meet in public. [8] X Research Sources
- Note, online dating is for adults only. If you’re under 18, choose to meet more people at school, through friends or extracurricular activities.
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List the qualities you want in your partner. When you go out and meet lots of new people, don’t assume that everything will work out if you meet the right person. Intuition is only partially supportive, you still need a list of traits that your partner should possess. [9] X Research Source
- For example, perhaps responsibility, honesty, and humor top your list. If you have goals, such as having children or traveling the world, find someone who shares your ideals.
- While looks play a role in attraction, it shouldn’t be a top priority. The most important thing is to find someone who appreciates and accepts you for who you are.
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Avoid hasty judgments. Whether you meet someone in class or online, try to keep an open mind. Knowing what qualities you want in your partner will help, but you shouldn’t make hasty judgments and assume someone isn’t right for you. [10] X Research Source
- Likewise, never say you don’t deserve someone. Stay objective and don’t put yourself down.
- Be open to opportunities. Maybe you will eventually develop feelings for the person you least expect.
Building long-term relationships
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Try to stay positive and open-minded. When you’re dating someone, focus on having fun with them. Have fun getting to know them, try new things with them, and let them know more about you. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and the person you’re dating. [11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- For example, during the first few dates with someone, you can ask questions and show genuine interest in their answers. If you two get along, you’ll be eager to learn about their childhoods or hobbies.
- Even after you’ve fallen in love with someone, you still need to stay positive and open-minded. Falling in love is something you can’t control, but to stay in love, you need to make choices. Choose to have fun, learn more about each other, and share new experiences.
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Communicate with the person openly. Communication is always important, whether you’re in the dating phase or have been married for many years. Have frequent, in-depth conversations, such as sharing your hopes and fears, telling each other funny stories, and talking about how healthy your relationship is. [12] X Research Source
- For deep conversations, choose a time when you don’t have a lot of distractions, like during or after dinner. Ask open-ended questions like “What made you feel most interesting today?” Instead of asking questions just answer yes or no.
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Discuss goals and plans. Share your feelings about the relationship and your wishes for the future. As the relationship grows stronger, the two can discuss goals such as getting married, having children, and buying a home. [13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Meeting each other’s needs is a contributing factor to love. Sharing and helping each other accomplish goals can strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
- Besides, things will be better if you both have the same goals in life. For example, if you’re ready to build a home, you probably don’t want to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have children.
Tip: The right time to talk about cohabitation and engagement will depend on your relationship. Let’s take these topics lightly. You might ask, “Do you want to have children in the future?” or “When do you think lovers will be ready to live together?” [14] X Research Source
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Share new experiences to refresh the relationship. It’s great to be comfortable with your partner, but you certainly don’t want to get stuck in the familiar. Let’s try new things together and visit new places to deepen our feelings. If you feel like your relationship needs more spice, talk to your partner about renewing the familiar. [15] X Research Source
- Regularly plan a date night, but don’t repeat the same activity over and over. You can try new restaurants or cuisines, or discover new places in the city.
- Take on a fun challenge together or learn a new skill. You can also skydive, go hiking or mountain climbing, or take a cooking class.
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Show interest in each other’s passions. Encourage each other to pursue interests other than the relationship. You will give each other space to work on your own interests, but always support each other. [16] X Research Source
- For example, your lover is a long-distance runner. Two people can enjoy many other activities together, but exercise is something they need to do alone. You’ll give them their space but still cheer them on in the races and say, “I’m so proud you beat your best this week!”
- As the relationship matures, it’s easy for lovers to feel like they’ve lost some of themselves. Pursuing your own and shared goals can help you and your partner maintain a long-lasting loving relationship.
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Give each other nice gestures. Using small gestures of love is also a great way to show your love for that person. For example, write the note “I love you, have a nice day!” before they go to work, or wash the dishes after they prepare dinner. Kind gestures can really nurture your feelings. [17] X Research Source
- If you feel like you’re falling out of love with your long-term partner or lover, small acts of kindness can help. Take the initiative to write love letters, buy them gifts, and help them with housework. When they notice your effort into the relationship, they will do the same.
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Handle conflict in a healthy way. Point out the problem or behavior in a calm and constructive manner instead of attacking the other person. Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. Proper handling of conflicts plays a very important role in love. [18] X Research Sources
- For example, saying, “I feel like I’m doing a lot of housework. Can you help me a bit?” would be constructive, but “You’re lazy and I hate it” has an offensive connotation.
- When dealing with conflicts, you should avoid getting angry about the past, bringing up the past, threatening to break up in the dark, or making sarcastic comments.
- If you or your partner need space to calm down, don’t just walk away and chill with each other. Instead, say, “I think we need space to calm down. Let’s talk about it when you’re both out of your anger.”
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Let the relationship develop naturally instead of trying to force it. You need to try to let go of the need to control the outcome of the relationship. In love, you can’t always control the situation; So try to be patient. You can’t decide to love someone or force someone to love you. [19] X Research Source
- If you’re worried about not being in control, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “Don’t worry and don’t take it too seriously. You enjoy being with that person and that’s the most important thing right now. If the two of you can’t get together in the future, that’s okay too!”
- Over time, you will find many people who look like potential but just can’t get you far. There is no way to force yourself to love. If you’re dating someone but you don’t feel the same way, see it as a learning opportunity. Gradually, you will find the right person for you.
Advice
- Don’t fall in love with someone just because they’re attractive, treat you well, or don’t mind spending money on you. True love is built on respect, trust and compassion for each other.
- Casual dating can help you determine what’s right and wrong for you. If you’re just starting out, don’t try to take it too seriously or expect to find the right person right away.
- Love looks scary! Opening your heart and revealing your secrets to someone takes time; so please be patient with each other.
- If you’ve been hurt in the past, remember that the hurt wasn’t caused by the current person. You should leave the past behind and live in the present with your lover.
- If you find it difficult to let go of your protective cover or experience love, try talking to a psychologist. They can help you understand and overcome your barriers.
X
This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,664 times.
Are you still struggling in love? One of the most important steps in finding love is allowing yourself to open up, so let go of your protective cover. If you’re not ready to date someone, step out of your comfort zone and try to meet new people. When you start dating, keep a positive mindset and feel free to get to know your partner. Note, you can’t rush with love; Be patient, don’t try to force things to go your way and let the feelings develop naturally.
Thank you for reading this post How to Have Love at Lassho.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.
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