How to Have a Smart Conversation

Most people want to be smart in every conversation. Even so, very few people are born with the ability to be wise. However, with a few tips and practice, anyone can become a smarter diplomat.

Table of Contents

Create a relationship

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Focus on a productive conversation before a smart one. Before you become wise, you need to improve your “communication alertness”. No matter how smart you are, getting too caught up in a conversation with a funny story or a joke can make you look too much. ^{[1] X Research Resources} Practice the “Observation-Ask-Answer” method of a diplomat. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Start the conversation by making it clear that you are genuinely interested in the conversation. In social situations, it’s most important to present yourself as approachable through nonverbal gestures, like open body language and smiling. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
Grow professional conversation by telling small stories wisely. Every conversation needs a topic to begin with. Start with innocuous questions or comment on things around you to develop the conversation. Are you outside? How is the weather? Are you at a party? What kind of food is being served? ^{[4] X Research Sources}
If you’re talking to a stranger, move from small talk to introduction and let the conversation develop from there. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Make a question. To find out what makes the person you’re talking to interesting, you need to learn more about them.

Most people are happy to talk about themselves, give them a chance to talk about themselves. Avoid asking “yes” or “no” questions. Instead, ask open-ended questions. For example, when someone tells you about their profession, ask them what they love about that job. When in doubt, ask “Why?” ^{[6] X Research Sources}
Let the other person know you’re interested in what they have to say by maintaining eye contact and using interjections like “Really?” “Really?” and “Ah yes”. ^{[7] X Research Source} Avoid interrupting the other person even if you have something to say.

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Pay attention. Often, if you’re trying too hard to be wise, you’ll be distracted from listening because you’re trying to think of what your next comment should be. ^{[8] X Research Sources} , though, to be truly wise, you need to pay close attention to what the other person is saying. Listen attentively to what they say. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Don’t interrupt. Even if what the person you’re talking to says makes you think, don’t interrupt them, wait until there’s a natural silence in the conversation. Although those are the best comments, when made with an interrupt, it becomes extremely rude. ^{[10] X Research Source}
Pay attention to the rhythm of the conversation. A wise talker or not will depend on the timing. Listen carefully to understand what the other person is saying so that you know when you can comment. If you miss that moment, the replies that follow will have no effect.

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Find common ground. As you get to know more about the person you’re talking to, you can begin to decide what the two of you have in common and what might be the most sensible topic of conversation.

Think about whether you’ve had any experiences related to the other person’s interests. At the right time, bring that experience into the conversation. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Sometimes, all that conversation takes is an experience. For example, if the person you’re talking to loves to go fishing but you’ve only gone fishing once, think about the little mistakes you’ve made that could make the other person feel interesting.
Know who your audience is. British author Somerset Maugham once said that “quoting…is the substitute for witnessing.” ^{[12] X Research Source} Really, cultural references — from books, movies, television, politics, etc. — can be a shortcut to the actual act of witnessing. However, to make sure your quotes work, you need to know who your audience is.
For example, if you are talking to someone from the Booming generation, it would be more effective to quote Trinh Cong Son’s lyrics in the conversation when referring to a song by My Tam.

Invest in Witness

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Learn little trivia. Everyone likes to hear good stories. But it’s hard to make people laugh with a vague or confusing story. Instead, you should prepare some vibrant, meaningful stories to tell at parties or social events.

Think of funny or weird stories in your life. Those stories should be the ones that spark the conversation for you.
Consider who the audience for your stories is. If your goal is to show wisdom in an accounting-related conversation, accounting-related stories will be appropriate. However, if you are looking for witty stories to tell anywhere, stories about general experiences, like school or parents, pets, children are the most suitable topics because Many people may have had the same experience.

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Make them funny. Same story but it can be too confusing, boring or comedic. To make sure your stories can make people laugh, you need to refine them.

To determine what makes a story funny, look for humorous phrases and selective overstatements used by comedians like Xuan Bac. ^{[13] X Research Source}
Begin to outline your story. Try to remember details. Review your story is exciting, clear and funny enough. Then memorize and pay attention to the tone of the story so that it becomes as funny when you tell it as it is when you read it on paper.

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Clever jokes. If someone else is in the conversation, make fun of them naturally.

Joke about celebrities, singers or politicians. You just need to make sure the listener isn’t a fan of that celebrity.
Don’t joke too much. Don’t make fun of other people’s looks, family background, gender, or disability (if any) unless you know they’re open-minded about it. Even though they may joke about their own flaws, they won’t want to hear it from others.

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Play with letters. There are some elements that will make a conversation more witty than clever wordplay. Even if you’re not good at puns, you can still improve with practice.

Be aware of your vocabulary. Play on words depends heavily on having a wide vocabulary. Explore more vocabulary books, smartphone apps and games like crossword puzzles to improve your word needs. ^{[14] X Research Source}
Understand the type of pun you are using. Driver’s speech (“Daming potatoes for breakfast” instead of “I love breakfast”), speech disabilities (“dancing the flamingo” instead of “dancing the flamenco”), slang (“The horse kicked the horse”), and word combinations (“Chrismukkah,” a combination of the words “Christmas” and “Hanukkah”) can be witty into conversation if used skillfully. ^{[15] X Research Source}^{[16] X Research Source}^{[17] X Research Source}
Learn more about good pun examples. Everyone from the great poet Nguyen Du to Xuan Bac to Son Tung M-TP uses puns in their works and performances. Keep your audience in mind, study good examples of puns to help you understand how to use them yourself.

Invest in Communication

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Relax and be yourself. People often want to be wise because they think they are not good diplomats. But it is a lack of confidence that is the enemy of wit.

The way it is communicated is what makes the difference between a funny comment and a tasteless statement. If you appear tense or timid, you will not be able to make a witty comment. ^{[18] X Research Sources}
It’s important to remember that your self-perception is often inaccurate. You may not be as weird as you imagine, by allowing yourself to feel insecure, you actually block your ability to be witty. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Steps

Create a relationship

Invest in Witness

Invest in Communication

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