How to Hate Someone You Used to Love

When someone you love hurts, it must be very difficult to overcome. Perhaps the best thing that can be done is to turn love into hate, but that actually only makes things more difficult because hate is not the opposite of love – both are intense emotions and drain energy. If you want to get over the pain of losing a loved one soon (whether it’s a breakup, a fight, a death, or something else), the best thing you can do is face your feelings and move on.

Table of Contents

Get rid of reminders

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Delete the person’s contact information. If the person is no longer involved in your life, you should delete their contact information. This prevents you from calling, texting or emailing them.

You may have memorized their phone number or email address, but removing them from your phone, computer, tablet, address book, etc. can make communication a little more difficult. .
For example, if you delete your ex’s contacts from your phone, you’ll be less tempted to tap their name and text or call – at least, you’ll have to think before you do.

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Lock their phone number. If the person still calls or texts you, if you have a smartphone, download an application to lock phone numbers and messages to not receive notifications from them.

This step is especially useful when you are trying your best to erase them from your mind, because every time they call/text you will remember them and be tempted to reply back.

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Filter their mail. If they communicate via mail, immediately move their messages to a folder other than the inbox. You can do this at the email filter – it depends on what email you use.

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Lock them on social networks. If it’s hard to get over a person, following them on Facebook or Twitter is a bad idea. Instead of just unfollowing, take the course always; this way you will no longer see their posts and vice versa.

You’ll probably be tempted to follow what they’re up to on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or another social network. Avoid checking their site as that will only make it harder for you to get past them and move on with your life.

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Delete message. Delete old messages and other conversations like emails, FB messages, WhatsApp…etc. You have much better things to do than sit back and read through old messages and be sad.

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Think carefully before deleting photos. Before you delete the photos, see if it’s a time of your life that you want to forget forever.

Over time, you can safely look back on the relationship or at least the time it once was.
If you’re afraid you’ll regret it if you miss out, consider putting them in a box or USB stick, and then sending them to a friend or safe until you’re well enough to look at them again.

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Put souvenirs in the box. Check around the room and get rid of everything that reminds you of that person. You may want to put those items in the box until you feel ready to face them.

At some point you may want to donate or even burn these things, but for now, let’s put them away so as not to trigger the pain again.
If you decide to burn it, be sure to find a safe area where a fire is allowed – for example, an outdoor incinerator, not the bedroom floor.

Solve emotional problems

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Make sure to control your emotions. Research shows that we regulate emotions better if we look at them scientifically, as controllable (but still surprising) data points in the life lab. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If we get unexpected results in an experiment, we test the experiment, see where it went wrong, and look at the results from that deviation. Then you plan your next steps. It may sound insensitive, but this can really help you approach your broken heart.
You may feel like you have no control over your emotions right now, but with persistence, you can train your brain to respond in a controlled way – for example, they can consider things calmly, objectively instead of feeling insulted.

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Accept emotions. Losing someone you love can send you into a spiral of emotions: shock, numbness, disbelief, anger, sadness, fear – even tenderness and happiness. You may even feel all of them at once.

Instead of denying it, try accepting your feelings and allowing them to happen. You should also take a step back and try to see your emotions from a third-person perspective, separating yourself from them. Remind yourself that these feelings are completely natural.
You can also say to yourself, “I am grieving the loss of a relationship and these feelings are all related.” ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Record emotions. You can write or speak into the recorder. It’s important to avoid squeezing emotions from within, making it harder to get over them.

Experts recommend journaling every day. This helps you connect with your emotions and even figure out how to work through them.
If your emotions are running high and you feel like you need to let go, use a notepad or note-taking app on your phone to write down what you’re feeling.
Emotion notes are generally useful when you want to talk to someone you miss or make you sad. Instead of having to contact them, write a letter or record what you want to say. Don’t send them. This is just to help you. You’ll want to destroy the letter/recording once you’re done.

Learn psychological tips to overcome

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See this love as an experiment. Consider the data of this failed relationship. Where is it wrong? Research shows that if you look at relationships from a scientific perspective, it will help you regain yourself and heal faster after a breakup. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Take a step back and consider what factors contributed to the breakdown. But remember, don’t spend too much time on this process – you’re learning a lesson and growing from it, not beating yourself up for the mistakes you made.
This way is not for you to think about where you are behind. It can be as simple as “We are two different people with different goals”.
You can also make fun of it by spending a few hours viewing your love story as an experiment, with graphs and charts of all kinds.

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Learn the lesson. It’s easier if we accept our mistakes in life and see them as learning opportunities. Viewing broken relationships as a learning opportunity can help you see them in a more positive light.

After a breakup you often feel like you wasted your youth. If you view relationships as a learning experience, then there’s nothing to waste. Things that help us grow and learn are never wasted.

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Separate yourself from that person. When you lose someone you love, it feels like a part of yourself has died. You should rebuild your self, separate from the person you love but lost. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

A good exercise to rebuild your self-concept is to write in a notebook, “Who am I?” or “What makes me who I am?” Then write the answers below.

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Don’t stop yourself from thinking about that person. Research shows that forbidding ourselves from something only makes us think about it more. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Instead of telling yourself not to think about your ex, when those thoughts pop into your mind, gently remind them that they no longer belong in your life, then turn your attention elsewhere. have more benefit. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Give yourself a few minutes each day to think about that person. When a lover leaves us, our mind is consumed by the image of that person. If stopping yourself from thinking about your ex isn’t working, say to yourself “not now, later.”

Whenever thoughts of that person creep into your head, push it away and tell yourself you’ll come back to them later, when you allow yourself time to think about that person.
Until then, sit quietly and think whatever you want about them. You can divide it into 2 times a day, morning and evening, 10 minutes each time.
Try not to think about the person when you’re about to go to sleep. If possible, read a book or do yoga before bed; The thought of that person may come up again, but you can push it away until the next timetable.

Visualize yourself letting go. Sit in a comfortable place and try to visualize a box in front of you. Put all the memories in the box and close the lid.

Take the imaginary box in your hand and blow it away. Then if the thoughts come back, say to yourself, “No, these are long gone” and quickly think of something else.

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Live in the present. Every day, try to focus on the present you are living. Immersed in the past and future will only make you yearn to live in another timeline. This doesn’t help, because the only time you have is right now.

It’s important to have goals and work toward them, but you don’t have to think about them all the time. If you do, you will be so immersed in the future that you forget what needs to be done in the present to achieve those goals.
You don’t want to look back a year from now and realize you wasted the whole year being sad, doing nothing just because you were so sad about the lost relationship.

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Smile. Research shows that simply by smiling, even if you are unhappy, you will become happier. Try it now – pull the corner of your mouth up and hold it for 30 seconds.

At the very least, you’ll have to laugh at your stupidity for staring at the count and trying to put on a fake smile.
If this doesn’t work, try watching a stand-up comedy or something that makes you laugh, even if only for a moment.

Keep yourself healthy

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Do it your own way. Do things that prevent you from contacting that person again. This means planning the nights you know you’ll miss them the most and trying to stay busy.

If you find yourself too lonely on Friday night and want to call them, make a Friday night outing. Do that even when you’re so sad that you don’t want to move. You should plan your outings and try to live in the present when you meet people.

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Enjoy time with others and alone. Go out and socialize and explore new and old interests. The key is to be able to live happily without that person, it sounds impossible, but you can do it.

You should do things that help improve your mood, or you will drown in this condition and depression. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Examples of interests: music, painting, sports, dancing, movies, video games, reading, eating, going to the theater or local festival, visiting museums, etc.

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Bury your head in something else. Experts say that the best way to get rid of that bad habit is to replace it with a new one. Start a new or old hobby that you haven’t done in a while. ^{[12] X Research Source}

When you start to feel sad and lack something, redirect your energy to new habits instead of thinking about your ex. ^{[13] X Research Source}
Remember, this doesn’t mean you should date someone new or try to replace your ex with a new one. This is not healthy.

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Rediscover your identity. It can be hard to get over a relationship when it feels like a part of you is lost. You should rebuild your identity without that person.

A good way is to spend time alone exploring interests, feelings, etc. This will be difficult at first for the first few weeks or months. You will know you are ready when you no longer think about your ex every minute and every second.

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Take care of yourself. When facing grief, it’s important to take good care of yourself physically and mentally. Do things that make you feel good inside and out.

Eat healthy, drink plenty of water, get enough sleep and exercise, meditate – you’ll even need to buy new clothes or get a new haircut.
Experts say that stress is a major trigger for this addictive behavior, and that stress includes exes. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stressed, it can be hard to resist the urge to reconnect with your ex. ^{[14] X Research Source}
Studies show that nurturing the part of you that was neglected in your relationship can help you get through it. ^{[15] X Research Source}

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Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Think about the unhealthy behaviors you turn to when you’re upset or stressed and avoid them. Some unhealthy coping mechanisms include:

Drinking, taking drugs, overeating or skipping meals, isolating yourself, acts violently, spends a lot of time online, or overdos it in any way (like playing games, shopping, watching porn, exercising) practice…etc).
For example, if you find yourself eating out of control, overcome it by walking or jogging, or doing manual work such as painting or crafting.

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Don’t try to get revenge. A common desire when we are hurt is revenge; However, studies show that not only does it not help people feel better, but also increases stress, poor health. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Some studies show that revenge will make you replay the story in your head, while letting go makes the situation less serious, easier to ignore. ^{[17] X Research Source}

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Know your self worth. You are not useless. The person you love won’t leave you either; It’s just that the two of you aren’t going anywhere. Self-worth does not mean being conceited (i.e. thinking you are worth more than others).

If you’re having a hard time realizing your self-worth, sit down and write a list of the things you like about yourself. The first day you can only write one thing, it is even difficult to think of one thing, but if you try every day, a week you will have five good things about yourself – maybe a few months after the good thing. about you will fill the page.

Next step

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Know that you are in control of your life. You are responsible for your happiness and life choices, no one else. If you don’t do things that improve your mood and change your life, you’ll just stay sad and gradually fall into depression.

If someone gets hurt, don’t let them do it forever by wallowing in the sadness that stands in the way of your life. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

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Set goals. Setting goals and putting them into action will give you a good reason to stop drowning in your ex and start working on a better life.

For example, if you want to go to college, challenge yourself to get the best grades possible and get into your dream university.
If you’re not sure what you want in life, spend some time exploring your options. If you’re still in school, see a career counselor. If you are employed, ask close friends and family about your strengths and what they think you are good at.

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Know that you will meet someone else. It sounds ridiculous at this point, but you’ll meet someone more suitable. When you meet them, you will be grateful for the old relationship.

The older you get, the more you know what’s right and help you find the right person for you.

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Know when you’re ready for a new relationship. There is no specific timeline for forgetting someone. It depends on the individual and the relationship – some take months, others years. ^{[19] X Research Source}

If you’re still thinking about your ex, you won’t be able to give your new relationship the necessary and healthy attention. ^{[20] X Research Source}
It is important to be confident before starting a new relationship. If you’re just afraid of being alone, you still can’t start with someone else. ^{[21] X Research Source}

Advice

If you find it difficult to bounce back, try following a role model – for example, a famous person you admire who has also been through personal struggles, or a fictional character in a book or book. movie, the capable person you admire. ^{[22] X Research Source}
Avoid replacing the old person with a new one right away. It’s important to give yourself time to feel, think, learn from your feelings, and even grieve for the relationship. It won’t be fair to newcomers if you stick to the old image.
Reading is a great way to escape reality and even teaches you many things, like writing your own story. Being a part of someone else’s story – their hopes and their sorrows – can help you get out of trouble, even light a spark.
Traveling is also a great way to get to know your ex. The distance makes you feel more free and while it can be quite lonely, you will get through it and feel more confident in yourself for traveling to faraway places on your own.

Warning

If you feel like life is no longer worth living or feel that if you can’t love that person you can’t love anyone, then you need medical help. Losing someone you love is painful, but humans have the ability to overcome and grow from the most difficult experiences. Don’t end your life for someone else.
If you believe you have depression, consider seeing your doctor or counselor. Sadness is normal, but if you can’t get out of bed for weeks or months, you’re unwell and need help.

Steps