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This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,586 times.
Whether you’re in an intimate relationship and want to rekindle your sex life, or you’re preparing to get physically close to your crush for the first time, the process can be quite daunting. with both. There are many ways to get your partner to become more interested in sex, and open communication is key to this.
Steps
Talk about your desire
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Try not to take things personally. There are quite a few couples with different sexual desires. Just because the person you love isn’t interested in sex as much as you are doesn’t mean you’re unattractive. In fact, there are quite a few reasons why your partner doesn’t want as much as you do, such as: [1] X Research Source
- hormone deficiency
- feeling sick
- poor self-awareness
- exhausted
- stress
- unhappy or depressed mood
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Improve your communication with that person every day. Building a good emotional relationship will help improve your sex life. You can start by taking the time to talk to your crush as if they were your friends. Take care of the other person’s happiness and health. Some good ways to improve communication include: [2] X Research Sources
- Ask about the day’s events. You should make time to sit down and have a conversation with your partner at least once a day like during dinner time or while having your morning coffee. You could say something, for example, “How is your work?”, or “Did you have fun hanging out with your friends?”, or “Do you have plans today? What?”
- Call or text during the day. Keeping in touch with your partner during the day will also help improve communication between the two of you. You should send your loved one a small text message or call him or her just to say hello. You can also text him/her like, “I’m thinking about you. What are you doing?” or call and say, “Brother, how are you doing today?”.
- Listen. Use effective listening skills when the person you love is speaking to let him or her know that you are caring and paying attention. For example, you can turn your face towards the person you love, look them in the eye, nod, and say things that show you’re paying attention, such as “Yes”, “Oh, I see” and “I say continue”.
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Express your feelings. You need to let your partner know that you want to increase the frequency of sex with him or her and talk about any issues that are worrying you in your sex life. Letting your partner know about these things will make it easier for both of you to find a solution to the problem. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, you could start a sex discussion by saying, “I feel closer to you as we have sex more often, but lately it seems It’s not like before. Is everything okay?”.
- Remember that the person you love may have had a bad sexual experience in the past with someone who doesn’t care or understand them. You should be considerate and let the person know that they can share everything with you and that you will not judge them (if this is true).
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Please be patient. Don’t allow your physical desires to control your thoughts and actions. It takes some time for you to build the foundation for physical love. [4] X Research Source You should consider taking a break to give your loved one time to get ready for sex when they want to.
- You’ll have plenty of opportunities to get close to your crush when you’re both in a relationship, so all things considered, being in a relationship less often than you’d like shouldn’t be an issue. too big.
Use tools and assistive techniques
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Set up a plan for a “burning time”. A plan for some hot, intimate time with the one you love can improve your sex life. You should spend 30 minutes a day doing something interesting with your crush without expecting that you’ll have sex. It might just be a time for the two of you to relax and become closer. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, the two of you could shower together after exercise, light some candles and enjoy a glass of wine, give each other a massage, or simply lie in bed and chat for a while.
- Don’t urge your partner to have sex with you during this process. You just have to enjoy the intimacy with the person you love and relax. Remember that just because one night your loved one isn’t in the mood for sex doesn’t mean the same thing will happen the next night.
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Discuss the use of “sexual aids”. You should talk to your crush about using sex toys or aids during sex. They can be quite effective in increasing arousal and arousal before and during sex. [6] X Research Source For example, you can try:
- Scented Lubricant
- vibrator
- pillows that support sexual positions, such as wedges
- sex swing
- edible panties (made of candy)
- beads for anal use
- tool for tickling
- arresting device, such as fur handcuffs or other “bondage gear”
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Work with your partner to have an orgasm. You shouldn’t pressure your partner to have an orgasm, but you can ask if there’s anything you can do to make it easier for him or her to get it. You can also learn more about various techniques to increase your partner’s chances of peaking arousal. [7] X Research Sources
- Remember that many women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to orgasm, so using your tongue, touching, stroking, or using a vibrator on this area will increase your chances of getting an orgasm. gives a feeling of orgasm. If the person you love is a man, you should consult his preferences in this regard. This method will help ease his anxiety during “showing off” and can also provide stimulation for him. [8] X Research Sources
- Don’t stop touching your partner and kiss all over the body, not just the lips (but don’t forget to kiss their lips too).
- Use lubricants to prevent pain and scratches during sex.
- Change, whether it’s to a different position or a different room, you shouldn’t stay in the same position during sex.
- You can also look for topical products like Zestra (available in Vietnam), which will help increase blood circulation for women who are facing arousal or libido disorders.
- Let your crush know that you find their body attractive. Sometimes, people often feel anxious about their appearance, and this can cause them to lose interest in sex. Reassurance that they are attractive will make it easier for the person to relax and get excited about the process.
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Role play. Wearing a costume or even stepping into a fantasy world can be a way to make sex more enjoyable. Talk to your crush about adding role-playing games to your sex life.
- For example, you might dress as someone you know well that your partner finds attractive, such as a celebrity, an expert in a certain field, or a character in a novel. [9] X Research Source
- Another option is to pretend you’re both just in love (or in secret) and meet up at a hotel at a specific time. You can also wear sunglasses, wear dark clothing, and even use a wig to add drama.
Find out about the issues around
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Ask your loved one if everything is okay. If this is a new relationship for both of you, the person you love may have some health issue that makes them feel ashamed, such as an STD (sexually transmitted disease). You should be open, gentle, and thoughtful to encourage your partner to talk about his or her feelings. Often, you can help someone you love simply by showing support.
- Prepare yourself not to react negatively to what the person says. However, if you’re not ready to have sex with someone who has an STD, you need to be upfront about it. If you find out that your partner has an STD and you want to end the relationship, you need to present the problem as if it were your problem, not his or hers.
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Find a way to mend the relationship. If both of you don’t build emotional intimacy first, physical intimacy will be unlikely. [10] X Research Source
- If you were both very intimate in the past, but the person you love is not as excited as before, you should think about the problem in all non-sexual aspects that you are both facing. Do the two often argue with each other? Do you both spend enough time together? Does the person you love feel loved through your daily interactions? If any of these elements are lacking in your relationship, you should address them before convincing your crush to have sex with you.
- If the two of you have never had sex, you should make sure your partner feels comfortable around you and trusts you. You should be attentive to your partner’s needs in a non-sexual way, for example, you should remember to make sure your partner enjoys the activity you choose for your date, and express your love. interested in the person’s daily life. Celebrate the success of your loved one and support them when they are having problems with school, work, family, health, or simply having a bad day.
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Discuss the use of pornography and movies. Perhaps the person you love is quite dependent on unhealthy movies and books, and as a result, has little or no desire for real sex. Or, it could be that the person wants to have different kinds of experiences in the process of being close to you. For example, your crush might want to watch an “adult” movie with you before or while you’re both having sex. [11] X Research Source
- Non-judgmental conversations where you can discuss adding pornography to your sex life will at least show that you’re trying to talk about intimacy. difficult to say, and this will make both of you feel closer and increase the sexual desire of the other.
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Change your usual behavior. It is likely that you and your crush have developed classical roles related to sex. Perhaps you are the one who constantly asks for sex and the person you love is often the one who refuses. Perpetuating this behavior will continue to produce the same disappointing results. [12] X Research Source For a change, you can:
- You should stop being the initiator of sex for a while and see what happens. Perhaps the person you love feels less pressured and will take the initiative in this matter.
- Focus on your other needs. When the person you love refuses to be close, you can become so focused on the issue that you forget about other important aspects of your life. Start doing the things that matter to you, like pursuing a hobby, spending time with friends, and doing something you care about.
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Repeat actions that bring results. Take a look back at a time when you and your loved one had the best moments of intimacy and think about all the elements that went into that moment. It is possible that your partner feels more aroused in a certain atmosphere, so if you can reproduce this element, he or she will be more interested in having sex. [13] X Research Source For example:
- Do you feel great after you’ve both done something fun together?
- Do you feel great after you’ve both become more emotionally open to each other, as well as after you’ve both shown weakness to each other?
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Go see a therapist. Let your crush know that it’s important to see a qualified therapist to talk about your sex lives. [14] X Research Source
- If you’re a woman and your crush is a man and he doesn’t have much sex drive, it’s possible he has low testosterone, and/or is experiencing impotence or performance anxiety. You should make it clear to him that you love him no matter what, but he’ll feel better if you both go to a qualified professional who can help you and your partner.
- If you’re a man and your crush is a woman and she doesn’t have much sex drive, a sex therapist can help determine how to balance your sexuality, or help both. Learn to compromise and become happier.
Warning
- Don’t allow the amount of sensitive information on the internet to make you believe that sex “must be”. They are purely fictional, and trying to recreate them in the present life will only seriously hurt the person you love physically and emotionally. It’s easy for your partner to lose trust in you if you don’t understand the difference between pornography and real life.
X
This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,586 times.
Whether you’re in an intimate relationship and want to rekindle your sex life, or you’re preparing to get physically close to your crush for the first time, the process can be quite daunting. with both. There are many ways to get your partner to become more interested in sex, and open communication is key to this.
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