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This article was co-written by Kirsten Thompson, MD. Kirsten Thompson is a psychiatrist, clinical instructor at UCLA, and founder of Remedy Psychiatry. She specializes in psychiatric conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum depression. Thompson holds a bachelor’s degree in operations science & industrial engineering from Cornell University and a doctorate in medicine from the State University of New York, Downstate School of Medicine.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,463 times.
Life changes can leave you reeling and unsure of what to do. Whether it’s financial problems or the death of a loved one or a divorce, it’s not easy to navigate what to do next. However, there are ways to help you reduce the stress load when life has unexpected changes.
Steps
Mental adjustment
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Be aware of personal feelings. Maybe you want to forget about the pain in this situation or pretend it doesn’t exist. When you try to deny these feelings, you inadvertently develop more negative emotions. You’d better accept it and find a way to get over your personal feelings. Don’t try to rationalize how you feel, the only way to get over your personal feelings is to actually feel them.
- For example, when you lose your job, it’s okay to admit that you feel angry, frustrated, scared, and want revenge.
- Take 15 minutes a day to be true to your feelings. Don’t let your mind interfere, just sit and feel things. [1] X Research Source
- You can record your thoughts and feelings in a diary.
- Don’t be afraid to cry. Crying helps release negative compounds in your body, relieves stress, improves your mood, and helps you deal with a traumatic situation. [2] X Research Source
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Change mind. Try to see this situation as an opportunity to grow and improve yourself. [3] X Research Source For example, remind yourself how strong and resilient you have been during difficult times. When you look at things from this perspective, you will be much stronger.
- If you don’t get into the university you want, your world hasn’t completely collapsed and you haven’t lost your chance to land your dream job. Remember that you have choices, and then good things will come.
- Try not to overdo things. Ask yourself, “Is this anxiety really that bad?” If you are worried about something in the future, ask yourself, “Is this likely to happen?”
- If you find yourself constantly worrying, choose a “worry time”. At the start of your day, you can spend 15 minutes worrying about your problems. If you have anxious thoughts about anything outside of your predetermined “worrying time,” remind yourself that this is not the time to worry.
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Face the actual differences. Often life gives you a choice that is completely different from what you want. The distance between what you want and what you have is proportional to the pain you have to go through. [4] X Source of Research You need to realize that the reality you want won’t come true and you have to live with a different reality.
- Instead of resenting the situation you’re in, you need to adapt to it. For example, if you have financial problems, you should not spend money as lavishly as you used to. You need to be aware that you have to change your spending habits.
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Learn the way to accept. There are many things in life that are beyond our control, from getting stuck in traffic to being reprimanded by your boss at work. Instead of getting upset and agitated in these situations, take a deep breath and learn to accept things that are out of your control. Although you cannot control the situation, you can control your reactions.
- You can practice acceptance through mindfulness meditation. Make a list of things that are out of your control. Then, with your eyes closed, breathe slowly until you reach a meditative state. Imagine you’re offering that list to a god and forgetting everything. [5] X Research Sources
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Express gratitude. Even in the worst of circumstances, an attitude of gratitude can help you see things in a different light, helping you to expand your experience beyond the actual pain. [6] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source Even when you feel like you’ve lost so much, take the time to become aware of what you have, especially non-material things like friendship, health or pleasant weather.
- Take a moment each day to think about what you are grateful for: maybe you are grateful for a dog, children, a beautiful sunset, a nice walk, or a phone call with your sister. Take a moment to express gratitude for those things.
- Remembering the most difficult time in your life, now that you are standing here, you have made it through that difficult and dark time. You were able to endure this before, so can you now.
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Be tenacious. Resilience is tied to the process of adapting to change, whether temporary, long-term or crisis situations. Look at the big picture and don’t think that the difficulty will never end. They will end and you will pass. [7] X Research Sources
- Resilience doesn’t develop when you’ve let go of the stress in your life, it does develop when you’re dealing with stress and given enough time and space to recover. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, you broke your leg and couldn’t walk for a while. The resilience shown here is finding ways to adapt to new situations, such as working hard in physical therapy to regain strength in the legs, or learning to walk with a wheelchair or crutches. You have to understand yourself as a winner, even if your abilities may not be the same.
- Think about past difficulties and lessons learned. Many people say they feel more confident in their abilities or grateful for life. [9] X Source of Research You must understand that there are always experiences to be drawn after every difficulty.
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Spiritual training. Many people find spirituality very helpful in dealing with difficult situations. [10] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source Some methods of spiritual coping: asking for help from God, looking at the situation with kindness and meaning meaning, and meditate on good things. [11] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
Optimistic action
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Problem solving. While many problems take time and must be healed, there are many other problems that you can solve with extra effort and careful consideration. Think about the problem you face that might have a solution. Issues range from work, finances, family, friendships, love, or academic stress. Write down any solutions that come to mind. It doesn’t matter if the solution is practical or not, just write it down. [12] X Research Source It would be great if the solution worked, so you don’t want to skip any of the solutions in the first place.
- For example, if you and your partner always discuss finances late at night and then go to bed frustrated, move the discussion to the morning and allow enough time to talk about the issue.
- Once you know the solution, you need to make sure to create a concrete action plan to move forward. This requires you to define specific goals and action steps to achieve them.
- For more information on how to achieve your goals, you can check out other articles on goal setting and execution.
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Require to be supported. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice. If you feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, there are plenty of people willing to help you. Whether you share your problems with family, friends, or a professional, you’ll feel better when you can talk to someone about it. [13] X Research Resources Don’t try to do everything alone. Trying to live without other people’s help only makes you suffer more and life gets worse.
- Don’t let your self-esteem stop you from seeking help. No one knows everything and you can totally help them later.
- Sharing your problems with others helps you to see things from a different perspective that you have never thought of before.
- When talking to others, let them know what you want. If you want feedback, ask them to express their thoughts and feelings about the situation you’re in. If you want them to listen, tell them directly. Sometimes a well-intentioned person will give you feedback and help you solve the problem, when all you need is someone to listen to you.
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Prioritize self-care. Although it’s tough, life is still long ahead, you have to take care of the kids or work 40 hours. When going through difficult times, make sure to take care of your body and your emotions. [14] X Research Source Don’t be too busy, take your time to meet your own needs. Make sure to eat healthy, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and create joy in life. Find things you want to do and do them.
- Body massage
- Take time to journal and express your thoughts and feelings.
- Set aside 20 minutes a day to meditate or take a nap.
- Go for a walk or a brisk walk if you don’t have the time or energy to go to the gym.
- Laughter relieves stress. [15] X Research Source Watch funny videos about falls or animals to help you laugh more.
- Optimism is also helpful. Find the positive side in everything. [16] X Research Source
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Rest. If you feel overwhelmed by everything in your life, give yourself a break. You can go on vacation, have a weekend picnic or even go hiking. Or you can do something to distract yourself like read a book, watch a movie, or go to the gym. [17] X Research Source
- Determine the method that works for you (don’t run away from your problem). Find activities you enjoy and do them! Be it hiking, horseback riding or journaling.
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Receive treatment. Sometimes the most effective way is to talk to a mental health professional when you are facing a difficult time. Experts can support you, ask questions that help you see the problem from a different point of view. A professional can uncover the root of your problems, resolve emotional issues, and help you make positive changes in your life. [18] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Therapy helps you explore yourself and your situation in a way that encourages growth.
- Experts can help you in many cases. If you are experiencing stress at work, relationships or difficulties, you can seek professional help.
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Helping others. When going through a crisis, you focus as much as possible on yourself and your current situation. Take the time to volunteer and help people to turn their attention to others. You will feel happier when you help people. [19] X Research Source
- Offer to help friends with errands
- Spend time volunteering at an animal shelter
- Volunteer once a week with children and the elderly
Advice
- Avoid making important decisions while grieving, as it can be difficult to think clearly during this time. [20] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Warning
- If you find yourself engaging in the following destructive or dangerous behavior, you should see a mental health professional as soon as possible. Behaviors include: heavy drinking, drug use, weapons use, extravagant spending, overwork, and many other non-constructive compulsive behaviors. [21] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Kirsten Thompson, MD. Kirsten Thompson is a psychiatrist, clinical instructor at UCLA, and founder of Remedy Psychiatry. She specializes in psychiatric conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum depression. Thompson holds a bachelor’s degree in operations science & industrial engineering from Cornell University and a doctorate in medicine from the State University of New York, Downstate School of Medicine.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,463 times.
Life changes can leave you reeling and unsure of what to do. Whether it’s financial problems or the death of a loved one or a divorce, it’s not easy to navigate what to do next. However, there are ways to help you reduce the stress load when life has unexpected changes.
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