How to Get Into People

Look around the room for someone you know. You’ll find it a little easier to fit in when you have a “support,” such as a friend, colleague or acquaintance who can introduce you to a few other people. If you don’t know anyone at the party or event, that’s perfectly fine. You can still mingle with them. However, there’s nothing wrong with using your existing relationships to ease yourself into a rather unfamiliar social situation. ^[1]

• Don’t make it too obvious that you’re looking for acquaintances. You don’t want to appear isolated in making new friends. In other words, try not to look like you’re looking for someone. Look around calmly and casually, without intention. Enjoy the view, but as you do it, look around the room to see if you meet anyone you know.
• If you see someone you know but they’re talking to someone else, it’s a good idea to wait a while for their conversation to settle down before you draw attention and move towards the other person.

Look for a smaller group of people. When you’re in a crowded room where you don’t know anyone, it’s better to blend in with a smaller group of people rather than a large group. Look for some groups that seem like they’re having a friendly and casual conversation. Observe people’s body language. If people in the group are mostly standing shoulder to shoulder in private consultations, they may not be welcoming to new people. If their body language is open and friendly, they’ll make some comfortable gestures, like no crossing of arms and no barriers between them. If they seem calm and peaceful, approach them and introduce yourself. ^[2]

• This can be awkward, but everyone does it at parties and social gatherings. Most people are friendly and welcoming to you.
• If people ignore you or for some reason don’t seem to welcome you, you can politely ask to leave and find another group to join.
• Stay away from people who seem to be having a lively private conversation. Chances are your presence will bring awkward silence. You can tell if they’re talking privately by observing their body language. If they’re leaning on each other, gesturing freely, and keeping eye contact, you probably shouldn’t interrupt them. ^[3]

Make yourself sociable. If you’ve looked around the room and don’t immediately find the opportunity to mingle with people, make yourself a sociable, open person to make new friends. Stand near the center of the room, instead of hanging around the corner. A cheerful, pleasant face will let others know that you are quite approachable. Chances are someone will approach and say hello to you, and so you don’t have to take the initiative to get to know each other.

• When someone approaches you, be polite and friendly.
• Avoid using the phone. Often when annoyed or do not know what to do, many people will start using the phone. You should try to avoid this because then it looks like you are trying to avoid social interaction. ^[4]
• Standing close to a point of interest in a room can also help – such as the dining table, the bar, the large stone sculpture in the center of the room. That way, you can start a conversation about these interesting points. ^[5]

Help others integrate. There are bound to be a few people at the party who also don’t know anyone and feel awkward fitting in. Find these friends and introduce yourself to them. They’ll be grateful for your kindness, and chances are you’ll make a new friend with a lot in common.

• If you’re chatting and someone walks up, invite them to join. Don’t look aloof.

Don’t stay in your comfort zone for too long. When you have the opportunity to talk to someone you know, resist the temptation to talk to only one person all the time. You will miss the opportunity to get to know more people and look like you are not friendly with the rest.

• Ask someone you know to introduce you to others, and don’t be afraid to express yourself.

Try talking to a few other people. When you’re hanging out at a party, it’s a good idea to try starting a conversation with a few different people because you never know what someone will respond to. You don’t need to talk to everyone at the party, though. If you mingle and have a pleasant conversation with just one person, that’s still a great achievement. Maybe you’ll be able to chat with two or three people next time.

Know how to withdraw yourself. If you find yourself caught in a conversation that you no longer want to participate in, find a way to withdraw yourself. There are many ways to do that, just be friendly and polite. ^[6]

• You can back off by politely saying you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink.
• You can also say something like “Oh, Thanh just arrived! Let me introduce you two”, then you can bring more people into the conversation.
• You could say, “I want to talk about this another time.”