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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,782 times.
There are many ways you and your partner can truly become closer without sex. Intimacy often starts with emotions, so let’s start by working together to improve emotional bonding. You should be open with the person and really listen when they speak. If you don’t want to have sex because you’re not ready or want the relationship to slow down and become more meaningful, you can actually feel more connected to your partner without sex.
Steps
Build emotional closeness
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Be willing to open up and show emotions. Emotional intimacy means being honest with your thoughts and feelings, even when they are very uncomfortable. Be willing to share your needs, hopes, and fears with that person. Although it can be scary to open up, a good lover is someone who will always be supportive and try to get to know you better. [1] X Research Source
- Being open about yourself can help you and your partner learn from and support each other in a new and deeper way.
- For example, tell your crush about your dream of becoming a baker or getting your diploma.
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Let’s build trust together. A relationship that lacks trust can lead to conflict and insecurity, especially if you don’t feel like you can open up emotionally and physically with them. Always prioritize honesty in a relationship. You can practice speaking your mind and always telling the truth. Show that you are always there for the person and realize that they are too. Respect each other’s physical, emotional, and social boundaries. [2] X Research Source
- For example, if your partner values privacy, don’t share intimate details of your relationship with their acquaintances.
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Listen attentively when the person speaks. A strong relationship involves two people who not only listen but also “listen” to each other. Turn towards each other when talking. Put down the phone and turn off the TV. Pay attention to what the person has to say non-judgmentally and offer supportive comments. You should also feel like your partner is listening. You can build closeness by knowing that you can say anything without being criticized. [3] X Research Sources
- Practice active listening with your partner and build closeness when you’re sure you can trust, listen, and understand each other.
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Ask personal questions. Get to know the person’s inner life. Questions can help you both open up and think about what influences, motivates, and how you relate to each other. Ask questions that encourage intimacy and sharing. [4] X Research Resources Focus on open-ended questions that can be answered in detail and discussed. [5] X Research Sources
- Ask questions like: “If you could be anyone, real or not, who would you be and why?”, and “What would you say to your younger self if you could? What will you say to your old self?”
- Ask questions about your relationship as well. For example: “What do you think makes us so compatible?”, “How can we communicate better?” and “What do you like to do when we are together?”
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Ask that person for help. If you’re having a bad day, there’s almost nothing better than having someone reliable to lean on. You may find it hard to ask for help or cry in front of your partner, but it’s worth it when you feel their support. Moreover, you may realize that they are someone you can count on, even in the most difficult times.
- For example, say, “I had a really bad day. Can we talk about it?”
Physical intimacy without sex
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Take every opportunity to cuddle . Cuddling is one of the most important ways in love to connect and stay close without having to undress. Whether you’re watching a movie or lying in bed, wrap your arms around your partner to feel each other’s warmth. [6] X Research Sources
- Take the person’s hand, wrap your arm around their waist or shoulder, and try to touch them more.
- Sometimes, one of the two has to be the initiator.
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Hug each other for a long time. A hug can reduce stress and strengthen the bond between the two of you. [7] X Research Source Get in the habit of hugging your partner when you meet and say goodbye. For example, you could hug the person before you go to work or school in the morning, and when you see them again (for example, after work or school).
- Hold the person for a long time by wrapping your arms around them and don’t let go.
- If your crush isn’t used to hugging you, be honest and say you want to.
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Breathe together. This can make the two of you really close physically and mentally without having to touch each other. Start by sitting facing each other and away from each other. Start focusing on your breath and close your eyes inhaling and exhaling. When you feel ready, open your eyes and watch the person’s abdomen move up and down with each breath they take. [8] X Research Sources
- Your breath will become his or her breath. Whether the two of you start breathing together or not, you will both start to become in sync with your breathing.
- After completing this exercise can be a great time to talk and confide in deep things that normally would be difficult for you to talk about.
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Look into each other’s eyes. Looking at each other can be a sign of love and connection. [9] X Research Source You may feel weak or a little scared when two people look each other in the eye. Stay connected and step away from the shame or fear and focus on your partner. You will find that you can completely feel safe and secure, even if your partner sees you for who you really are. [10] X Research Source
- Take the time to look deeply into the person’s eyes. Sit away from each other and look into each other’s eyes. Start at 30 seconds, then gradually increase the duration as you feel more comfortable.
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Passionate kiss . If passionate kisses have turned into soft kisses, bring passion back from a passionate kiss. Kissing can increase feelings of closeness, especially in long-term relationships. Couples who kiss often are more satisfied with their relationship. [11] X Research Source
- Kiss that person in many ways. For example, kissing on the lips, cheeks, neck, hands and other parts of the body (without leading to sex).
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Try intimate touches. You may not want to have sex, but there are things that feel the same without actually having sex. For example, touching each other, kissing each other’s bodies, and licking each other. These actions allow you to be close without having to worry about the consequences of having sex.
- Discuss your comfort level with the person. If you don’t have sex for some reason, set specific limits on physical intimacy. For example, you might kiss but don’t want to take off your clothes.
Have fun while creating intimacy
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Let’s try something new together. It will take courage and can make you see a different side of the two of you. You may find that you like things you never expected, or discover things about your partner that you didn’t notice. Having a new experience will help the two of you feel closer and more connected. [12] X Research Source
- For example, try taking a boxing, racing, or dancing class.
- Use information from intimate conversations to think of activities you both enjoy. Alternatively, you could try doing something special with either of you.
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Add a little excitement when dating. The excitement can make you find the person more attractive, and it will increase the feeling of closeness. [13] X Research Source Try something fun and a little risky. For example, skiing, climbing, or ziplining.
- When doing something together in an exciting mood, couples will feel more connected.
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Do something a little scary. While you don’t want to be scared for too long, it can be fun to do something a little scary together that makes you and your partner huddle together. When you know you can rely on your partner for peace of mind, you’ll see how close they are to you, and you’ll also trust that they’re there for you.
- For example, go to a haunted house or go for a walk in the dark together.
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See old photos together. The two of you can revisit old memories and show each other childhood pictures. Seeing pictures of your childhood and the people that matter to you is a very intimate act. When you talk about the things that are important to you and the events and people that made you who you are today, you are revealing yourself to that person.
- Take him or her to visit the place where you grew up and talk about your memories. Then tell them to do the same for you.
- Family matters can be difficult to talk about, but try to answer all of their questions.
Advice
- Respect each other’s limits. Even your own.
- Praise each other.
- Any intimate act or touch must be consensual and reciprocated from your lover. Touching without permission is a violation of the person’s limits.
Warning
- Some of the guidelines in this article may lead to sexual intercourse. If you don’t want to, say so! Don’t be afraid to speak up.
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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,782 times.
There are many ways you and your partner can truly become closer without sex. Intimacy often starts with emotions, so let’s start by working together to improve emotional bonding. You should be open with the person and really listen when they speak. If you don’t want to have sex because you’re not ready or want the relationship to slow down and become more meaningful, you can actually feel more connected to your partner without sex.
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