How to Forgive a Broken Promise

Show empathy. You should try to see the situation from the person’s point of view. Sometimes, factors beyond our control appear and breaking promises is inevitable. Also, sometimes, people simply have bad motives. Either way, when you’re able to become empathetic, it’s much easier to let go of hatred.

• Think about the person’s intentions. Did the person have good intentions, but something happened that caused them to break their promise?
• You should understand that you may not be the cause of their broken promises. People who break promises are often more focused on their own internal situation or in the external environment, and they don’t realize the impact their broken promises are having on you. For example, if someone promised to go out with you but changed their plans at the last minute, perhaps their car broke down or they’re running out of money more than they thought they would but are too embarrassed to admit it.
• You should remember that everyone will break a promise at some point. Think back to a time when you broke a promise. The feeling of breaking a promise is uncomfortable and the affected person doesn’t feel better either. We are human and sometimes, problems will arise.

Show compassion even if the person frequently breaks promises. If the person is a chronic breaker, you should find out what’s going on in their life that often leads them to break promises. Perhaps this behavior is a reflection of other chronic problems going on in the person’s life and they need help. Maybe it’s an internal factor like they have low boundaries or an external factor like problems in a marriage. You should try to show compassion by considering the person’s feelings in the present moment. If you’re still annoyed that empty promises get you in trouble, here are a few ways to help you cultivate better compassion: ^[5]

• Look for similarities with that person. Perhaps you both love the same music or drive the same car. There are countless similarities that the two may possess. Research has shown that even something as simple as snapping your fingers to the same tune increases empathic behavior.
• Don’t blame others for your unhappiness. Even if their act of breaking a promise has negative consequences for you, you should understand that you have chosen not to use many of the other available options. For example, if you’re expecting the person to drive you to your interview because your car broke down and he or she doesn’t show up, remember that you’ve had the opportunity to set up a backup plan. You are not the victim.
• See that person as a person, not as a “break-in.” When you see the person as someone struggling in some area, you’ll be more willing to forgive them than you are to see them as a broken promise who doesn’t care.

Realize the benefits of forgiveness. When you allow yourself to forgive someone who has wronged you, you will receive quite a few psychological and physical benefits. When you clearly understand that your well-being will improve if you let go of grudges, you will be motivated to move forward with the forgiveness process. Here are a few benefits of forgiving others: ^[6]

• Increase psychological well-being
• Reduce depression
• Worry less
• Reduce stress levels
• Enhance mental well-being
• Improve heart health
• Lower blood pressure
• Strengthen the immune system
• Building healthier relationships between people
• Increase self-esteem and sense of self-worth
• Research has shown that forgiveness is beneficial because it reduces negative emotions as well as stress. ^[7]

Decide to forgive. Forgiveness is removing the desire to take revenge or do bad things to someone you feel they have wronged you. Also, when someone breaks a promise, especially if they are close to you, you will experience feelings of loss and grief. Forgiveness is the natural solution to the grieving process. ^[8]

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re weak. In fact, this is a very powerful option and will ultimately help your health.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. In fact, you need to build boundaries with untrustworthy people. You can still be friends with someone without asking them for help.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to reconcile the relationship. You can let go of the hatred without continuing the relationship if you believe it is unhealthy or toxic.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should ignore their actions, but that you do it so you can move on with life, and it doesn’t mean you need to make excuses for that person. You can forgive and still take action to protect yourself from future suffering.

Eliminate hatred. After you’ve completed the preparation, now is the time to let go. Decide if you want to tell the person in person or if you want to release the grudge privately. ^[9] Here are a few things you can do to show forgiveness:

• Let the person know that you forgive them. You can call or ask to meet the person in person. Take this opportunity to let them know that you no longer want to hold grudges and that you forgive their broken promises.
• If the person is deceased, can’t be contacted, or if you just want to vent a grudge privately, you can express your forgiveness towards yourself in language. You should find a quiet location where you can have some privacy. Just say out loud “I forgive you, ____”. You can go into as much detail as you want.
• Write letter. This is also a pretty cool option. You will be able to decide whether you should submit it or not. The goal here is for you to give yourself the opportunity to really let go of the grudge.

Rebuild trust by setting boundaries. ^[10] If you decide to stay in a relationship or if the person is a loved one with whom you will spend a lot of time, you need to keep yourself safe by set boundaries. Boundaries will help you rebuild a sense of security so you’re less likely to break a promise. This method will help you rebuild trust and begin the process of regaining personal strength.

• For example, your relative promised to help you babysit so you could attend an important event, but she canceled at the last minute. One of the boundaries that you can build is that she has to give you 1 day notice if she wants to cancel in the future (assuming there are no emergencies) so that you can make arrangements. . You can let her know that if she doesn’t live up to her agreement, you will never ask her to babysit your children and you will never babysit for her.
• Remember, once you start rebuilding trust, boundaries can change.
• It’s important to set boundaries with the chronically broken person. Yes, everyone has a few problems that they need to deal with, but you don’t have to allow yourself to be constantly taken advantage of while the person is trying to solve his or her problem.

Decide if you want to reconcile the relationship. If you think this is a healthy relationship and you want to restore it, you should make it a priority. Also, remember to be prepared and not pressure yourself with what others say you should do.

• Emotions can interfere with the reconciliation process. ^[11] Remember to allow the inner healing process to take place before attempting to restore the relationship. If you are still upset about the broken promise, things will only get worse.
• Sometimes the mediation process will be unhealthy and this is normal. If you don’t think you should salvage the relationship, you can forgive the person without restoring the relationship. While it can be awkward, you can say something like, “I really appreciate you for who you are and I forgive you, but right now I don’t think we should continue this friendship.”

Call that friend and let them know that you appreciate them. When restoring a relationship, it’s important for both of you to feel valued. One of the best ways to show that person that you have forgiven them is by showing how much you appreciate the person. Let them know that even if they broke their promise, you still value and respect them and their friendship.

• Here’s an example of what you might say: “I know we had disagreements but I want you to know I take our relationship very seriously and I want us to continue being friends. . It’s fun to be around you, you provide good advice, and there’s no one else who makes me want to spend the entire Ladies Saturday Night like you.”
• You should try to be as specific as possible when you let the person know that you appreciate them. This will make you look more sincere. In addition, a sense of humor will also be quite useful if appropriate.

Let the person know your contribution to the formulation of the problem. ^[12] Remember, any disagreement comes from two points of view. The way you see the situation may differ from that of the person. You should share how you think you could have used it to deal with the situation.

• Even if the person is a broken promise, you should consider your contribution to the situation. Self-awareness is important because it helps you hold yourself accountable for any actions you’ve taken that have exacerbated the problem.
• Ask yourself the questions “Am I communicating clearly?”, “Do I know that the person has a lot of problems and I continue to add to the burden?”, “ Did I overreact a bit?” This is a question that helps you see your contribution to the situation. When you share responsibility for the problem, the other side will feel less defensive and the reconciliation process will be easier.

Consult with the person to see if they want to save the relationship. You should allow the person to decide if they want to save the relationship. Don’t think that because they are the ones who broke their promise, they will automatically want to reconcile. Remember, although forgiveness is an internal process, reconciliation requires the involvement of both parties. ^[13]

• If the person is angry, you should respect their right to be angry, whether it is justified or not. Sometimes, people unconsciously blame others. You should give them time and keep thinking about the positive.
• Perhaps the person will decide not to want to reconcile the relationship. In this case, you should be prepared to wish them well and continue to forgive.