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This article was co-written by Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Rahti Gorfien is a life coach and founder of Creative Calling Coaching. Rahti is a Certified Coach of the International Federation of Coaches, an ADHD coach certified by the Institute of ADHD Coaches, and a provider of career specials. She was named one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018. She is an alumnus of the graduate acting program at New York University and has worked as a theater artist over the past 30 years.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,925 times.
Learning how to express yourself in a healthy way can be a great solution to enjoying a more authentic and fulfilling life. Practicing self-expression and being true to who you are is important to having strong faith in yourself, releasing your emotions, and creating the life you want. [1] X Source of Research Baird, Robert. The Responsible Self: An Interpretation of Jean-Paul Sartre. Philosophy in the Contemporary World. Spring 2007, Vp. 14, Issue 1, p 144-152
Steps
Build the foundation
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Listen to yourself. Self-expression is the ability to honestly communicate and express your feelings, which is crucial to starting your journey to realizing who you really are. You can begin to realize who you are by listening to yourself, how you feel, and how you want to react to the situation. This can help you get in tune with your emotions and feelings, helping you to begin to express yourself. [2] X Research Resources Pfaffenberger, Angela H. Optimal Adult Development: An Inquiry Into The Dynamics Of Growth. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. Summer 2005, Vp. 45, Issue 3, p279-301
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Acknowledge feelings. Emotions can be challenging and difficult for anyone who wants to learn to listen to and respect these feelings. You also may not know how to safely express your emotions. You may not have much experience in really getting to grips with how you feel. We often hide our emotions, feel confused or embarrassed about our feelings, or completely hide them. [3] X Research Resources Kahn, Jeffrey H. and Garrison, Angela M. Emotional Self-Disclosure and Emotional Avoidance: Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety. Journal of Counseling Psychology. Oct 2009. v56, n4 p573-584
- For example, a friend of yours asked you out for a date but didn’t show up or call you. It is normal to feel angry or frustrated about the situation. Acknowledge that feelings of anger and sadness are reasonable and understandable. Don’t take your feelings lightly, even when they say they’re sorry. You have the right to feel and think they are legitimate feelings.
- The more you understand your emotions, the closer you will be to who you really are. The more you feel your true self, the less anxiety, depression and dissatisfaction you will have with your life in general. [4] X Research source Physipogical and cognitive effects of expressive dissonance. By: Robinson, Jennifer L.; Demaree, Heath A. Brain & Cognition. Feb 2007, Vp. 63, Issue 1, p70-78.
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Focus on how your body reacts. This may be a new experience for you. One of the best ways to capture your emotions is to be conscious of your body. An easy way to test this is to recognize how the body reacts to an emotional situation. You can start with something very simple, such as anger expressed through frustration in traffic. Whether riding the bus or driving, you can get upset and angry because of the traffic and can recognize this feeling of anger.
- Notice what parts of your body when they become tense, what happens to your breath, your belly, and your stomach.
Write down how you feel
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Start journaling about your feelings. Start tracking your emotions by journaling in a small notebook or on your cell phone. Try this the next time you’re watching a sentimental melancholy movie to track sadness. Write down how your body reacts to sadness. Do you find it difficult to cry? What do your breasts feel when you’re sad?
- Try to avoid thinking as you journal about your feelings and focus on your body’s response. This will help you begin to connect more with your true feelings instead of just pushing them aside. [5] X Research Source Kever, Anne; Grynberg, Delphine; Eeckhout, Coralie; Mermillod, Martial; Fantini, Carpe; and Vermeulen, Nicpas. The Body Language: The Spontaneous Influence of Congruent Bodily Arousal on the Awareness of Emotional Words. Journal of Experimental Psychology. Human Perception & Performance. Jun2015, Vp. 41 Issue 3, p582-589
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Master your emotions. You have a habit of telling yourself how silly you are to feel a certain way. You can also tell yourself not to feel that way anymore. Because you’re used to recognizing your body’s reactions to emotions, it becomes harder to let go of emotions. The body is reacting for some reason and it’s important to acknowledge it. Take out your diary and start making a history of all the different emotions you have during the day.
- For example, write something like, “My boss made me really angry today at work.” Acknowledge that anger and write down why you are angry. Do this for all the emotions you feel every day. You may be surprised at the emotional picture you actually possess within yourself once you begin to focus your attention.
- Humans are all emotional creatures, and in a fast-paced world, it’s easy to become disinterested in how you actually feel. [6] X Kope Research Source , Sander L. The mentalpogy of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition & Emotion. Jan2009, Vp. 23 Issue 1, p4-41
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Write down how you want to present yourself. To better express yourself emotionally every day, write down how you want to handle each situation. Then you can practice how you want to act in certain situations. Using the example of a boss or someone in authority, start writing down exactly what you want to say afterwards. No adjustments are required and should be written as original and clear as you want.
- If you came across something on the day that made you upset, such as someone in need or a lost animal, write down your complete sadness in a journal. Also, continue to pay attention to how your body reacts. [7] X Segal Research Source , Daniel L.; Tucker, Heather C.; Copidge, Frederick L. A Comparison of Positive Versus Negative Emotional Expression in a Written Disclosure Study Among Distressed Students. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. Jun 2009, Vp. 18 Issue 4, p367-381
Express yourself through words
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Express yourself safely. You need to learn how to transform your feelings from being intact, unedited, into something useful without harming others. Part of learning how to express emotions is learning how to express them safely without hurting yourself or others. Use a journal to reframe your angry thoughts into a few sentences that are appropriate to express and define how you feel, but without getting you down or in trouble.
- For example, instead of yelling at someone and telling them you hate them, use your journaling to express it in different ways that don’t negatively affect your life. Write sentences like, “When my boss does this, I feel angry.” or “When I get yelled at by my parents, I get angry.” You are giving yourself the power to feel your emotions without letting them control you.
- This also works for a number of other emotions. [8] X Research Sources Wang, Yu and Kong, Feng. The Rpe of Emotional Intelligence in the Impact of Mindfulness on Life Satisfaction and Mental Distress. Social Indicators Research. May 2014, Vp. 116, Issue 3, p843-852
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Turn plans into action. It is important to comfortably accept that your feelings are not as simple as black and white. This allows your emotions to guide you when to speak up, or when to express your feelings privately and move forward.
- For example, bosses can be very annoying. However, you can ask yourself in a certain situation what benefits you will receive. Does your boss listen to you? Will he understand? Is it better to express anger at home, writing about them in a diary instead of confronting them? You want to make sure you are honest with your feelings and act on the right form of expression. [9] X Research Source Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialecta: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vp. 61, Issue 3, p447-466
- Most people don’t know healthy ways to express emotions, and these basic emotional tools are lost in our lives. Expressing emotions is a necessary part of living a healthy emotional life, setting boundaries in a relationship, feeling valued, and having emotional needs met. [10] X Nogueira Research Source , Ana Lucia Horta. Emotional experience, meaning, and sense production: Interweaving concepts to dialogue with the funds of identity approach. Culture & Psychology. Mar2014, Vp. 20 Issue 1, p49-58.
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Use phrases with “I”. Always use sentences with “I” when expressing feelings to others. Say things like, “When you told me what happened, I felt so sad for you and what you went through.” This can also be used in relationships. For example, say, “When you feel angry because I made a mistake, I feel ashamed.” or “When you say something negative to me, I get angry.”
- In this way, you are taking full responsibility for yourself, for your emotions, and for expressing your emotions. [11] X Research Source Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialecta: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vp. 61, Issue 3, p447-466
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Practise. Learning to manage a range of complex emotions can be intimidating, and it takes practice. If you’re not used to expressing emotions, this exercise can be viewed as a mental strength training exercise. At first, the muscles involved in emotion will feel sore, weak, and unaccustomed to being used vigorously and given much attention.
- Discovering your true self and learning how to express yourself is not easy. However, enjoying life and feeling authentic because you value yourself and acknowledge your feelings will result in a better, deeper, and more honest life experience. [12] X Research Resources Kahn, Jeffrey H. and Garrison, Angela M. Emotional Self-Disclosure and Emotional Avoidance: Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety. Journal of Counseling Psychpogy, Oct 2009, v56, n4, p573-584
Express yourself creatively
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Try painting, designing, or sketching. Find ways to express yourself creatively to make yourself happy. Try painting, designing, or sketching if this is something you enjoy. Acrylic paints are inexpensive and can be used on any surface. Mix colors that express your emotions.
- Have a blank sketchbook with no lines and try drawing or sketching, incorporating your inner feeling. Many art schools and museums offer free drawing courses if you want to start in a more formal environment.
- Allow your inner self and inner feelings to guide you as you create. Time to sit back and relax and draw or design can help you relax. Don’t judge your abilities. Expressing yourself creatively is not about trying to become the next Leonardo Da Vinci, but rather towards the act of creativity. Expressing yourself means learning how to understand yourself. Unleashing your creative side can be a surprising and complete way to understand who you really are inside. [13] X Research source van den Akker, José. Art-based learning: painting the journey of self-realisation. Reflective Practice. Dec2014, Vp. 15 Issue 6, p751-765
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Try collage. Collage art is a fun craft that allows you to express yourself. All you need are some old magazines or anything with pictures printed on top, cardboard, and glue. Find some pictures that correspond to how you feel and what you want to express. Use words and titles to emphasize illustrations.
- Don’t limit yourself to just using cardboard. Collage as a cover for an emotion diary or sketchbook. Decorate with an old box, clipboard, or anything you can use as a background to express yourself. Express how you think about politics, spirituality, the world, or just talk about your personal life. [14] X Research source van den Akker, José. Art-based learning: painting the journey of self-realisation. Reflective Practice. Dec2014, Vp. 15 Issue 6, p751-765
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Dancing. Sometimes, expressing yourself by moving your body can help you release your true feelings and desires. Feel comfortable about being able to move around and dance. Dance alone in your home or go to a dance club. Listen to music that matches your mood and the type of music you like.
- If you’re angry, play music that reflects that anger and let your body move. Do the same thing when you feel happy, sad or scared. Try dancing to music that can change your emotions, such as dancing to music that can make you feel empowered when you’re scared or dancing to happy music when you’re sad.
- You can also try signing up for classes if you want to learn to dance in a more trained environment. There are a number of dance classes with beginner programs that don’t require the commitment of many hours. Choose a beginner class with hip hop, jazz, or ballet classes as long as it suits you and your personality best. [15] X Strassel Research Source , Juliane K.; Cherkin, Daniel C.; Steuten, Lotte; Sherman, Karen J. and Vrijhoef, Hubertus JM A Systematic Review of the Evidence for the Effectiveness of Dance Therapy. Alternative Therapies in Health & Medicine. May/Jun2011, Vp. 17 Issue 3, p50-59
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To work. A great way to express yourself is by writing. Write a good poem, a few short stories using pictures based on your feelings and real life. Focus on how you feel and just write about them. Let go of all expectations of perfection or even bragging about your writing. Creative self-expression is all about focusing on yourself and taking the time to get to know who you are and the complex person you are inside.
- Freeing yourself by writing can be incredibly illuminating and give you insight into thoughts and feelings that you didn’t even realize existed. [16] X Chavis Research Source , Geri Giebel. Looking out and looking in: Journeys to self-awareness and empathy through creative juxtapositions. By: Journal of Poetry Therapy. Sep 2013, Vp. 26, Issue 3, p159-167
Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach
Rahti Gorfien is a life coach and founder of Creative Calling Coaching. Rahti is a Certified Coach of the International Federation of Coaches, an ADHD coach certified by the Institute of ADHD Coaches, and a provider of career specials. She was named one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018. She is an alumnus of the graduate acting program at New York University and has worked as a theater artist over the past 30 years.
Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach
Life Coach
Create something that doesn’t exist. Focus your attention and energy on the creative side to bring something new to the world. If you find something meaningful that doesn’t exist, find a way to bring it to life, like drawing a new cartoon character or writing the book you’ve always wanted to read.
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Singing. Singing is a great activity, even if you don’t sing well. You can sing anywhere, such as in the car, in the shower or in the living room. Remove any expectations of talent or vocal control from your mind and let your voice be heard. Get in the emotional place and sing songs that resonate with you.
- Sing some songs that appreciate your feelings, such as sadness, loss, anger, love, and happiness. Allow yourself to be yourself through those songs.
- If singing is a real way to help you like yourself, you can bring that feeling into the real world, too. Try karaoke or join a community music group. The connection to music will help you feel as if you are enjoying life, expressing your emotions and yourself. [17] X Research Source Saarikallio, Suvi. Music as Emotional Self-Regulation throughout Adulthood. Psychpogy of Music, Jul 2011, v39, n3 p307-327
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This article was co-written by Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Rahti Gorfien is a life coach and founder of Creative Calling Coaching. Rahti is a Certified Coach of the International Federation of Coaches, an ADHD coach certified by the Institute of ADHD Coaches, and a provider of career specials. She was named one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018. She is an alumnus of the graduate acting program at New York University and has worked as a theater artist over the past 30 years.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,925 times.
Learning how to express yourself in a healthy way can be a great solution to enjoying a more authentic and fulfilling life. Practicing self-expression and being true to who you are is important to having strong faith in yourself, releasing your emotions, and creating the life you want. [1] X Source of Research Baird, Robert. The Responsible Self: An Interpretation of Jean-Paul Sartre. Philosophy in the Contemporary World. Spring 2007, Vp. 14, Issue 1, p 144-152
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