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This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 91,548 times.
A person’s sexual orientation is a personal matter, so you need to respect their privacy. However, maybe you want to know if someone is gay because you want to date them or support them as friends. While it is impossible to tell if a person is gay or not by their appearance, you can look to see if they are queer (people of different sexual orientation). However, you need to talk to them if you want to be sure. If you’re thinking of going on a date with that person, start by asking them out as friends to get to know them better.
Note: the term ‘queer’ used in this article encompasses many different types of sexual orientation and is not intended to be offensive or discriminatory.
Steps
Observe their behavior
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Hear them comment on the looks of others. People who are considered queer often notice and praise those of their own gender. Pay attention when the person is talking to see which gender they usually focus on. In addition, you should also analyze their comment patterns, such as opinions about other people’s looks. [1] X Research Source
- For example, your friend might say something like, “Do you see that guy’s abs?” or “He looks so handsome in his suit.”
- Remember that this alone is not enough to conclude that the guy is gay!
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Tim understands their past relationships and the people they secretly love. Chances are they’re bisexual/gay, maybe even gay but aren’t ready to come out yet. However, showing interest in the opposite sex is often a sign of heterosexuality. To find out what gender a person is interested in, find out who they usually date, who they have a crush on, and what gender they usually compliment people of. [2] X Research Source
- For example, a guy who likes to date girls is probably a “straight guy,” even though he may also be bisexual or bisexual.
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Listen to see if the person uses the pronoun “they” when talking about someone they are dating or having a crush on. If you’re dating someone of the same sex as you, that person can use the word “they” to refer to someone they’re dating so others won’t recognize they’re queer. Listen to see if the person calls his/her lover by “them”. If so, you can talk to them about the topic. [3] X Research Sources
- They might say, “My date last night was fun. They are very interesting. I hope they accept the second date!”
- Note that the person may use the pronoun “they” because their partner wants to. Don’t assume someone is gay until you talk to them.
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Notice if they never talk about their love life. People who keep their sexual orientation a secret are often reluctant to talk about their love life. They may fear that others will recognize them as queer when they are not ready to go public. Tell them about your date, then ask about theirs. If the person doesn’t open up, don’t force them to share things they’re not ready to reveal. [4] X Research Sources
- You could say, “I’ve been seeing this guy a lot lately. I feel like I have a future with him. So how’s your date going?”
- Remember that this does not mean the person is gay.
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Avoid guessing based on someone’s looks, style, or voice. In the past, many people believed in the myth that a queer could be recognized by looking at their face, observing their style and gait, or hearing their voice. In fact, none of that is true! Whether gay or straight, everyone has their own look, style, and voice. Don’t pay attention to the stereotypes that you often see in the media, simply because it is not true. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, a guy can paint his nails but not be gay, just like a girl who likes to cut her hair short is also not lesbian.
- Also, straight guys can have a high voice, just as straight girls can have a low voice.
- After all, asking is better than guessing!
Talk to them
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Bring up the subject of sex to start a conversation. Talk to them about a hot book, movie or event related to sex. Share your positive feelings about the LGBTQ+ community and listen to them talk about their thoughts. [6] X Research Source
- You can say “I really enjoyed the ‘Girls Like Girls!’ video!’ by Hayley Kiyoko just released. It makes me take out a rainbow bracelet and wear it. How do you feel?”
- Before talking to someone about their sexuality, ask yourself why you want to know this and why it is important to you. Do you mention this with open mind or prejudice? If your intention is to find connection, or because you empathize and support them, they are more likely to open up to you.
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Show your support for the LGBTQ+ community. If you’ve gone public, let them know that you’re proud of your gender identity. If you’re an ally, say you support the LGBTQ+ community, then see how they react. [7] X Research Sources
- Say, “Last year, I went public with my family and faced many difficulties. But it feels great to be able to share it with everyone. I’m proud of who I am” or “I think it’s important for people to feel accepted, so I’m an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. If everyone works together, we can make real change.”
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Straightforwardly ask the person if he or she is gay if they seem willing to talk. If the person seems excited about the subject of LGBTQ+, they probably won’t be offended when you ask if they’re gay. Get straight to the point when asking them and respect their response, even if they refuse to answer. [8] X Research Sources
- You might ask, “Have you ever wondered about your sexual orientation?” or “Do you consider yourself gay/queer?”
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Let the person reveal themselves. Remember that whether someone is queer or not is none of your business. Please ignore if they do not want to share with you. And if they confide in you, keep it to yourself. Let them decide who knows and who doesn’t. [9] X Research Source
- Don’t force someone to share if they’re not ready.
- If someone asks if you’re a queer, say, “If you have questions about them, why not ask them?”
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Avoid asking others about the person’s sexuality. You may be afraid to talk to them face-to-face, but talking to others about someone’s sexuality isn’t. This action is gossip and can spread false rumors. Don’t tell anyone about that person’s sexual side. [10] X Trusted Source FamilyDoctor.org Go to Source
- For example, don’t ask “Do you think Toan is gay?”
Invite them out on a date
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Invite them out as friends if you’re interested in going on a date with them. When you’re anxious to get to know them as your partner, asking them out as friends may seem like a step backwards, but it’s actually a great way to get to know them and see if they’re open to dating. dating no. Invite them to do something like you two are friends and use this opportunity to build a rapport. [11] X Research Source
- Say “Do you want to go bowling this Friday?” or “I heard you like live music a lot. Would you like to go see this band with me?”
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Get to know the person by spending more time with them. Invite them to do other things together so you get to know them better. Frequent back-and-forth calls and texts also help your relationship grow. Be open about your sexual side when talking and listening to them. [12] X Research Source
- Invite them out to dinner, to the movies, or to bowling.
- You can say something like, “I’ve known I’ve liked girls since I was 12 and I’ve had a crush on a girl in dance class. Have you ever loved a girl?”
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Flirt with them after getting to know them a little better. Start by giving them small compliments and see how they react. If they seem content, try calling them a cute nickname and see if they like it. Finally, take a step closer to them physically. [13] X Research Source
- You could say something like “He looks great today! This shirt suits Thanh very well” or “Every time Khoi walks into the room, I can only smile.”
Warning: Respect their boundaries and stop if they seem awkward, backing away, or crossing their arms over their chest.
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Ask them out on a date if you feel they’re open to it. Once you’ve gotten close to the person, guess if they’d be willing to date you. If so, go ahead and ask them out for a real date. You can meet them to invite them in person or via text, or with some romantic gesture. [14] X Research Source
- Say “When I’m with Khoa, I feel very happy! Do you want us to date each other? Otherwise, I’m still happy to be friends with Khoa.”
- You could also say, “The few months I’ve known Duong have been wonderful. Shall we try dating? If Duong doesn’t want to, we can still hang out as usual.”
- You can send them flowers with the message “Do you want to go on a first date with me? If you are willing, send me a picture of the flower. Otherwise, our friendship will still be as if nothing happened.”
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Deal with rejection by loving yourself and connecting with friends. Maybe you’re in love with someone who doesn’t like you. Granted, anyone can go through this situation, but you can be very sad and disappointed when it seems that all the people you like are “straight guys”. If you get rejected, remember that it’s not your fault, so there’s no reason to doubt your worth. Instead, tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, someone who deserves to be loved, and spend time with friends for pleasure. [15] X Research Source
- Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone again! Go out and meet new people. Soon enough, you will find someone else like you.
Advice
- Because sexuality is so wide-ranging, the person may not identify as gay or straight. No problem! Don’t bother rating them.
- Don’t take a different attitude towards the person no matter what their answer is. They are still the same people!
- Note that the person is not required to tell you if they are gay or not. Be respectful of their needs and wishes.
Warning
- If the person tells you that they are gay, don’t rush to ask personal questions. Let them share with you what they are comfortable with.
- Just because someone is open with you about their sex life doesn’t mean they’re comfortable letting others know. Don’t reveal this, as you may unknowingly put them in an awkward or dangerous position.
- Never try to change someone’s sexual orientation, and don’t tell them you think it’s wrong. If you care about someone, respect them for who they are.
- They might get mad if they know you’re spying on them.
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This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 91,548 times.
A person’s sexual orientation is a personal matter, so you need to respect their privacy. However, maybe you want to know if someone is gay because you want to date them or support them as friends. While it is impossible to tell if a person is gay or not by their appearance, you can look to see if they are queer (people of different sexual orientation). However, you need to talk to them if you want to be sure. If you’re thinking of going on a date with that person, start by asking them out as friends to get to know them better.
Note: the term ‘queer’ used in this article encompasses many different types of sexual orientation and is not intended to be offensive or discriminatory.
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