How to Detect Pathological Liars

A pathpogical liar is someone who lies or fabricates stories as an irresistible habit. They may not fully live in reality and believe what they lie, usually to compensate for low self-esteem. To spot a pathological liar, pay attention to their behavior and body language, such as excessive eye contact. Also, notice the inconsistency in their stories. Problems such as drugs and a history of unstable relationships are also signs that may indicate a pathological liar.

Table of Contents

Observe behavior

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Consider the nature of suspicious statements. You may suspect a friend, family member, or co-worker has a habit of exaggerating the truth. Filter out their suspicious statements and consider what the lies have in common. Pathological liars may lie to seek sympathy, out of boredom or lack of confidence. One reason they’re tempted to lie may be that they feel unremarkable. They feel that they have to be “the center of the universe” and will do everything to make that happen. This liking is reinforced and the lies grow bigger and bigger just to make them the center of attention. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Some pathological liars may be trying to find sympathy in a situation. They may exaggerate or fabricate pain or illness, or exaggerate minor problems in their lives to the point of absurdity in order to gain the sympathy of their listeners.
Pathological liars also often have low self-esteem. They often lie to make their image seem more important than it really is. They may exaggerate achievements in their personal or professional lives to make their lives seem impressive and valuable. In this case, perhaps they lie to convince themselves rather than deceive others.
Some people lie simply because they are bored. They will fabricate facts and make up stories to hurt others. This will create drama and make their lives less boring.
Some liars are able to gain attention by telling exaggerated stories about themselves. To keep that image, they can keep coming up with bigger and more complex lies.

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Listen to them tell other people’s stories. Pathological liars can often be caught lying. You can often hear them retell someone’s story as if it happened to themselves. If their story sounds familiar, pause to think if you’ve heard it somewhere. ^{[2] X Research Source}

You may hear a pathological liar tell a story from a friend or loved one. They can also retell stories in movies or on television. Those stories may be seasoned with salt in their versions.
For example, your colleague tells a story that sounds familiar, but you’re not sure you’ve heard it. Then you hear the same story on the news. If your coworker is a pathological liar, chances are they took that story on the news and told it as if it were their own.

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Notice if the person is avoiding questions. When questioned, the pathological liar may try to avoid answering. They’re really good at tricks, so you might think they’ve already answered, but they haven’t. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, your friend revealed that she had just had an argument with a close friend. You are also having problems with this friend and wonder if she often has trouble in relationships. You ask the person who just told the story, “Why don’t you and Thanh talk to each other anymore?”
The person might respond with something like, “We’ve barely talked to each other this year.” That means she didn’t answer the question correctly. She evades direct questions. For example, when you ask questions like, “Do you give Thanh a tree climber like you’ve done to me many times?” She might respond like, “You think I’m that kind of person?”

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Watch out for manipulative behavior. Pathological liars are experts at manipulating others. They often do extensive research to distract people’s attention from their lies. Pay attention to how the person interacts with you. You’ll probably spot subtle manipulation. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

These people often use sexual attraction as a means of emotional manipulation. If you are attracted to someone who could be a pathological liar, they may pretend to be flirtatious when questioned.
They will also get to know you thoroughly and know what your threshold is. Pathological liars are very good at predicting which lies people will believe. For example, they may know that you don’t believe lies about illness, but may believe their touching stories. You may hear them make up stories about their aches and pains to other people, but they won’t talk about their illnesses with you.

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Observe how they react if caught lying. Not all pathological liars are created equal. However, most of them will react violently when discovered lying. If someone seems angry in response to an accusation of lying, you are probably dealing with a pathological liar. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Pathological liars often have a very defensive attitude. They may blame someone to justify their lies. For example, “I have to say that because our boss is too difficult.”
They may also come up with another lie to cover up the previous lie. For example, “Yes, I used that money to fix my car, but I also spent half of it on food. I forgot to tell you I just visited the store.”
They may get angry when they are found lying and start crying out loud to elicit sympathy.

Review their mental health history. Lying can be linked to a number of mental health problems such as borderline personality disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder. If you’re close to these people, you’ll likely learn about their history of mental health problems and encourage them to seek the right support.

You can use their mental health history to find patterns in their lying behavior. Are they only lying under certain circumstances? Are they trying to change their image and impress others with lies? Or do they lie to avoid having to talk about certain situations?

Observe body language

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Pay attention to eye contact behavior. Many people believe that pathological liars are often afraid of making eye contact. However, although typical liars may avoid eye contact, this is often not the case with pathological liars. On the contrary, you may find them making excessive eye contact. This is behavior where liars try to make themselves appear trustworthy. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

The liar may not stop looking directly at you while talking. In normal conversation, it is quite possible to look away from time to time. However, the pathological liar will stare at you throughout the conversation.
You may also notice subtle signs that the person is lying. The pupils in their eyes may dilate or they blink slowly.

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Notice if the person seems overly relaxed. When the average person lies, they may move a little too much and show signs of anxiety. A pathological liar, on the other hand, hardly feels the pang of lying. As a result, they often seem very comfortable with lying. In fact, pathological liars often appear sociable and relaxed. Even if you know the person is lying, they still don’t show the characteristic signs of stress or anxiety. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you hear a colleague tell a story at lunch. At the next break, you’ll see the person you suspect recount the story as if it happened to themselves.
You know the person is lying, but they don’t seem to care. They told the story without showing any signs of tension or nervousness, on the contrary they felt very comfortable. If you hadn’t known that story, you wouldn’t have doubted it.

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Pay attention to the voice. Small changes in voice can indicate lying behavior. Not all pathological liars are like that, but some are. A change in voice combined with a number of other symptoms may indicate a pathological liar. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

You may notice slight variations in the timbre of your voice. The timbre of their voice may be higher or lower than normal when lying.
The person may also lick his lips or drink water while speaking. The stress of lying can increase adrenaline levels or constrict the vocal cords and lead to thirst.

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Look at their smiles. Pathological liars may not exhibit characteristic body language when lying, but they will have a fake smile. Genuine smiles are hard to fake, so pay attention to their mouths. ^{[9] X Research Sources} A genuine smile affects the entire face. Meanwhile, a fake smile only shows a change near the corner of the mouth. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Assess the person’s risk factors

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Learn the secret habits. If the person has problems with substance abuse, gambling, binge eating, or other destructive behaviors, chances are they are also a pathological liar. ^{[11] X Research Source}

For example, you might notice a colleague drinking too much at a company party. They can also pour their own wine when no one is at the bar or even bring a flat bottle of wine in their pocket.
Or maybe you don’t see a coworker having lunch, but occasionally find food in their office. They may be very secretive about their eating habits and often refuse to eat out with colleagues.

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Think about whether they live in reality. Pathological liars are often disconnected from real life. A lot of times they believe their own lies. They may be delusional about themselves and their abilities. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Pathological liars tend to exaggerate their importance. They may take something as small as a compliment from their boss as a huge success. In recounting the compliment, they may exaggerate its importance.
Pathological liars may lack basic life skills but don’t see that as a problem.
If the person has a distorted view of reality, they may actually believe what they say. While this is not true for all pathological liars, you should also consider the possibility that the person is not lying maliciously.

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Think about the person’s relationships with other people. Pathological liars often have unstable relationships. Take a look at the history of all their relationships that you know of. Watch out for warning signs of instability. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Does that person have lasting friendships and love? Repeatedly broken relationships and no lasting close friends can be a sign of a pathological liar.
The person may also be estranged from his or her family.

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Find out about the person’s career. A pathological liar may list multiple occupations on their resume. However, most of them are short-term jobs. They may also avoid answering the question of why those jobs don’t turn out to be permanent careers. ^{[14] X Research Source}

For example, a pathological liar may have a long resume. Most of the work in it is done in a short time. If you ask them about their occupation, they may avoid answering.
In some cases, pathological liars may move several times due to sudden changes in employment. Pathological liars often “cross the bridge” with their employers.

Advice

Understand that you will never hear a consistent story when talking to a pathological liar.
Remember that pathological liars often add to everything they tell you to make their story interesting.
Someone’s repeated lying behavior towards you is also a form of disrespect – they are not someone you can trust or consider as a real friend.
If you care about that person, you should constantly remind them that they don’t have to pretend to be perfect. List a few mistakes and failures in your own life.
Sometimes people lie just out of embarrassment and shame or misunderstanding, even to themselves. This could be the explanation for short-lived relationships and unstable careers. The person may keep this a secret and not want to talk directly.

Warning

You can encourage someone to seek treatment for lying, but you can’t force them to. It is actually very difficult for a pathological liar to accept that their lying behavior is the problem; You just let them decide for themselves.
If you suspect someone is lying to cover up a crime, consider reporting it to the authorities.

Steps

Observe behavior

Observe body language

Assess the person’s risk factors

Advice

Warning

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