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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 18,786 times.
Sexual performance anxiety can affect both men and women, ranging from fear of the consequences of the relationship (pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.) , shame) to overly critical self-assessment (worrying that one is unattractive, not masculine/feminine, etc.). [1] X Source of Research Whenever these anxiety patterns and feelings are associated with sex and the ability to perform sexual acts, your body releases hormones that can interfere with desire and sex. From there, you will worry more, and as a result, continue to form the vicious circle. Knowing how to break the cycle of performance anxiety will help both of you build a healthier sex life and a happier romantic relationship.
Steps
Allow yourself to enjoy sex
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Talk to your partner about your anxiety. Let them know about your experience, and work together to find a solution to the problem. [2] X Research Source
- Allow yourself to be weak. If you regularly find that your partner doesn’t think badly of you when you’re at your weakest, you can begin to build trust in your relationship and build confidence in yourself. [3] X Research Sources
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Trust the person you love. Some health professionals believe that performance anxiety during sex can be traced back to social anxiety. Any thoughts related to this, whether embarrassing or unmanly/feminine, will end in fear of judgment by others. While it will take some time and effort, couples or individual counseling will help you remove your fears about yourself and allow you to trust the person you love. [4] X Research Sources
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Become confident. Focus on what you love about yourself and your body. Whether you have insecurities about your weight, appearance, or any other physical factor, experts agree that the first step to overcoming self-esteem problems lies in accepting. Accept yourself: everyone deserves to be happy. [5] X Research Sources
- You are not merely a sexually attractive being. Think about the positive qualities your loved one sees in you, and allow yourself to feel good about them. [6] X Research Sources
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Always remember your nature. One of the most common causes of sexual anxiety is feeling guilty or bad about the elements of sexual fantasies. You fear that these questions will define you for who you are, and that you will in fact appear to be. Experts say that fantasizing about behavior or even about a particular person doesn’t mean you’re actually craving manifestation in reality. [7] X Research Sources
- Be open and honest with your crush about your likes and dislikes, and ask them to do the same. [8] X Research Sources
- You are completely allowed to fantasize and desire sex. You and your crush can safely “act” through role-playing or other couple techniques. [9] X Research Source
Change the way you have sex
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Practice in advance how to breathe deeply. You should take a few minutes to focus on your breathing before you start having sex. Use this time to get rid of any thoughts that are distracting you or making you more anxious. If it’s hard to get rid of stress that day, have sex on a less stressful day. Trying and then failing when you can’t clear your mind will only make you more stressed and anxious. [10] X Research Source
- Meditating before sex is also quite helpful because meditation will help reduce anxiety.
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Be gentle. Some doctors and couple therapists recommend that taking it slow while stimulating each other before sex will make the process easier. Focus on stroking/cuddles, and remember to do it slowly to feel more comfortable with each other, and to make sure you can address each other’s needs. This method will help remove some stress.
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Focus on that person. Practice mindfulness while having sex. Think about how your body feels and how you connect with your partner. You can enjoy sexual activity without having an orgasm. Try to enjoy the time you both spend together and allow yourself to be happy in the present moment, no matter what. [11] X Research Source
- Try to eliminate expectations. Removing expectations related to sex will help alleviate some of the pressure you’re feeling. [12] X Research Source
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Communication during the relationship. Enjoy the feeling you are having with your partner, and communicate during sex. Communication will help reduce a lot of anxiety and ensure that both of you will feel comfortable throughout the relationship.
- Let your partner know every time you’re interested in something going on.
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Stop having sex for a while. Sex therapists often advise couples to abstain from sex until the person experiencing anxiety can overcome the condition. Even if you don’t think it’s necessary to stop having sex, it’s a good idea to allow yourself not to have sex from time to time. This method will help take some of the pressure of sex anxiety. [13] X Research Source
Know when to seek professional help
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Learn the signs of performance anxiety during sex. This anxiety manifests itself in many different ways. It’s important to determine how your anxiety affects you – both physically and mentally – before you can learn how to deal with it. The most common signs include: [14] X Research Source
- Negative thoughts about sex, the ability to manifest in the process and become attractive in the eyes of the other person.
- Constantly thinking about previous failures.
- Shortness of breath and inability to control body sensations.
- Impotence in men as a result of negative thoughts and feelings, and hence, avoidance of sexual activity (erectile dysfunction).
- Lack of mucus (in women).
- Frequently worrying too much about your ability to perform when having sex.
- Do not perform sexual acts on a regular basis, and thereby reduce the ability to express more.
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Find out if your medication is to blame. Certain prescription medications can decrease libido or the ability to perform sexual acts. They include:
- Antidepressants (especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors – SSRIs) such as clomipramine, amoxapine, amitriptyline, isocarboxazid, phenelzine, tranylcypromine, and fluoxetin. [15] X Research Source
- Sedatives, such as thioridazine, fluphenazine, trifluoperazine, and chlorpromazine. [16] X Research Source
- Anti-anxiety (anti-anxiety) medications, such as diazepam and alprazpam. [17] X Research Source
- Blood pressure medications, such as clonidine, labetalp, and methyldopa. [18] X Research Sources
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Talk to your doctor. While sexual performance anxiety can be the cause of performance failure or an inability to achieve orgasm, a few underlying issues can also be the reason for the condition. This.
- Hormonal imbalances can cause problems. If your body doesn’t produce enough hormones like testosterone, estrogen, or progesterone, you lose your libido and lose your ability to enjoy sex. It can become a major problem for the elderly. You should talk to your doctor about getting your hormone levels checked. [19] X Research Source
- Reduced blood circulation can also cause a decrease in sexual pleasure and an inability to become interested. [20] X Cleveland Clinic Trusted Source Go to Source
- Heart health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure, can affect pleasure and interest in sex. [21] X Cleveland Clinic Trusted Source Go to Source
- Mental illness, especially depression, general anxiety disorder, and bipolar disorder, will significantly reduce the desire and ability to enjoy sex. [22] X Research Source
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Assess to see if you have erectile dysfunction (ED). ED is often expressed as a decrease in libido and inability to get an erection or maintain an erection during sex, and it can be misinterpreted as performance anxiety. In the United States, about half of men over the age of 40 have ED. [23] X Credible Source Cleveland Clinic Go to Source There are many causes of erectile dysfunction, and you need to see a doctor if you believe you are experiencing this problem so that a plan can be put in place. treatment, including medication to help maintain an erection. [24] X Research Sources Common causes include:
- Damage or blockage of blood vessels. [25] X Research Sources
- Nerve damage. [26] X Research Sources
- High cholesterol or blood pressure. [27] X Research Source
- Fat. [28] X Research Sources
- Decrease in testosterone. [29] X Research Sources
- Metabolic syndrome. [30] X Research Source
- Problems with the prostate gland, including swelling and prostate cancer. [31] X Research Source
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Assess whether you are going through menopause. When entering menopause, a woman’s body reduces estrogen production, which can reduce sex drive, cause changes in mood and often misunderstood as anxiety in the ability to perform. when having sex. Most women will go through menopause sometime between the ages of 48 and 55, although some do go through it before the age of 40 (known as early menopause). [32] X Research Source
- Consult your doctor if you believe menopausal symptoms are affecting your sex life. Certain medications, including estrogen and testosterone treatments, will help improve libido and allow patients to continue to enjoy sex. [33] X Research Sources
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Go see a sex therapist. Seeking professional help will allow you to get rid of the anxiety you are feeling. You can go to a therapist on your own or with your partner.
- The therapist will also help you identify problems you don’t think you’re having. This is also why expert opinion is so helpful.
- Your therapist can give you some tips and techniques you can try to reduce anxiety and improve sexual performance.
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Try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Some people may experience anxiety during sex for psychological reasons. CBT is a practice in which a therapist can explore a patient’s traumatic past, learn how it affects the person, and how to separate them from feelings of unhappiness. [34] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 18,786 times.
Sexual performance anxiety can affect both men and women, ranging from fear of the consequences of the relationship (pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.) , shame) to overly critical self-assessment (worrying that one is unattractive, not masculine/feminine, etc.). [1] X Source of Research Whenever these anxiety patterns and feelings are associated with sex and the ability to perform sexual acts, your body releases hormones that can interfere with desire and sex. From there, you will worry more, and as a result, continue to form the vicious circle. Knowing how to break the cycle of performance anxiety will help both of you build a healthier sex life and a happier romantic relationship.
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