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There are bound to be times when you’ll have to deal with a selfish or rude person, maybe it’s a complete stranger at the grocery store, or it’s your roommate or co-worker, there will always be the person who makes you angry. Depending on the situation, you can adopt a number of strategies to deal with rude people. If the person insults you or you have to constantly fight their rudeness, it may be best to confront it directly so it won’t happen again. If they’re total strangers or their rudeness is absurd and not worth your concern, it’s probably best to walk away.
Steps
Confrontation
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Keep calm. This confrontation will not work if you are angry and aggressive.
- If you feel annoyed or tired of their rude comments, take a few deep breaths before responding. The more angry you get, the more they won’t listen to what you have to say.
- You should first think carefully for a moment about what you are going to say instead of rushing to yell at them. They’re less likely to argue back if you show you’re unaffected by their rude words. It proves that you are a generous person and confident in your ability to control your emotions.
- Do not involve them in any argument or fight and make the situation worse. If you’re worried you might get really angry, bring a friend with you to keep the situation under control.
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Behave frankly. Do not behave in a roundabout or passive-aggressive manner. Face them, make eye contact, and get straight to the point, which means getting them to understand what’s bothering you. They won’t realize their mistake if they don’t know what they did wrong.
- If someone cuts in front of you while waiting in line at the supermarket, don’t sigh or roll your eyes hoping they’ll notice. Approach them by saying directly “Sorry, I was in the front row” or “Sorry, you have to be at the end of the line”.
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Use a sense of humour. If you don’t feel comfortable talking seriously about another person’s rudeness, incorporate a sense of humor to reduce tension.
- If someone is eating a cake too loudly and drops the crumbs on your side, smile and say to them casually, “Oh, that cake is delicious!” then laugh. If they don’t understand, say, “Can you chew a little bit more gently?”.
- Remember to use humor gently, without being sarcastic or resentful. Stay friendly and smile. You should talk in a joking way so that both sides can laugh, not bitter to start a quarrel.
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Polite. The best way to combat rudeness is to be generous. Generous people do not condescend to retaliate with rudeness. [1] X Research Source
- The voice shows respect and is not insolent, smiling.
- Say please and thank you. These words have a great effect. For example, try saying “Please stop, I’m offended. I don’t think your actions are appropriate” or “You don’t have to say this in a [nasty, rude…] . Thank you!”.
- Sometimes people are rude because they have something to worry about. That rudeness may be a call for support, or they want to find someone who can empathize. If you already know them well, ask them if there’s anything that upsets them or if they need help. However, you try to speak normally so as not to sound sarcastic. Try saying something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been acting quite [frustrated, stressed…] lately. Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”. [2] X Research Source
Alyssa Chang
Health & Nutrition Coach
Alyssa Chang is a nutrition coach in the San Francisco Bay Area. She uses her expertise in neuroscience to help clients strengthen their brain and body connections, helping them recover, achieve goals, and move without pain. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Exercise, Nutrition and Health from California State University, East Bay, is certified in Personal Nutrition by Z-health Performance, and is Board Certified. National Strength & Health.
Alyssa Chang
Health & Nutrition Coach
Health & Nutrition Coach
Understand that the rudeness of others may have nothing to do with you. Interact with the other person while understanding that the person is probably trying their best, and you have no idea what they’re up against. This can help you empathize and understand them better.
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Speak in a civilized manner. If the person insults you or says something you strongly disagree with, you can politely state your opinion or ask why they are behaving the way they do.
- Try to understand their point of view by saying, “I find what you said rude and disrespectful. Why do you say that?”. This can lead to a healthy argument or discussion, but make sure things don’t escalate out of control.
- If the “real” conversation turns into an argument and the person is still rude and disrespectful, walk away. You know you’ve done everything in your power and should let go.
- Remember that some people are very conservative with their views. There’s no such thing as everyone always agreeing on everything, sometimes you try but still can’t change other people’s decisions.
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Use sentences that begin with the first person (“I”). instead of the second person “Brother/Sister”. Statements that begin in the second person seem to direct fire and accusation toward the listener, putting them on the defensive. Instead, make it clear how their actions made you feel.
- If a loved one is constantly commenting on your weight, say something like, “When you say that about my body, I feel insecure and disappointed in myself,” and don’t say, “You’re so rude. and only know how to make other people angry.”
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Talk to them privately. No one wants to be told directly in front of other people when they are at fault. If the person is rude to you in the presence of other people, try to wait until you can talk to them privately. [3] X Research Sources
- If a friend makes racist or sexist comments at lunchtime, wait until everyone has left and ask to follow them to class so you can talk privately. Or then you text and say, “Dude, I have something to say. Are you free for a few minutes after class?”
- Talking privately is also a way to not let others join either party and make the situation worse, possibly even creating a split in the group of friends. [4] X Research Sources
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Don’t think much about the situation. If you’ve confronted someone about their behavior and things haven’t improved, you have to accept that you’ve done all you can to improve your relationship with them.
- You can’t force them to be more polite if they want to be rude, and it’s not your responsibility to “fix” them. In fact, trying to make a change in their behavior will only make them behave worse. Sometimes you have to accept that behavior and it’s not your fault, let them figure out their own solutions. [5] X Research Sources
Ignore
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Maintain a “cold” face. Doesn’t show any emotions. Whether you feel angry, frustrated, or agitated, you shouldn’t let them gloat when you know their rudeness is bothering you.
- Stay calm and control yourself. Close your eyes and take a deep breath if you feel like you’re about to get angry.
- Keep a serious or “unemotional” face, don’t respond to them at all and show that they’re not worth your attention.
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No eye contact. When you make eye contact, you’re acknowledging them and viewing their actions as valuable. Look away and focus on something in the distance.
- Avoid looking at the ground. Looking down at the ground is seen as a sign of submission and lack of confidence. Looking steadily ahead gives the impression that you are in a steady state of mind. [6] X Research Sources
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Turn the other way. Body language can convey a lot of messages. Turn your shoulders and feet pointing in the opposite direction, crossing your arms in front of your chest to show that you are closed and not related to them.
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Walk elsewhere. If you can, walk quickly in the opposite direction, away from them, and don’t look back. Walk tall and look confident. [7] X Research Sources
- If you feel embarrassed walking away without a word, just give a brief response. This action confirms that you heard what they said but disagreed. You can say “Okay” or “I don’t know” and then turn away.
- If a friend keeps repeating that he got a good score on his last exam, just smile and say, “Good job.” Then you turn your attention to something more important.
- If it’s someone you have to communicate with frequently, like a coworker or friend, walking away for a few minutes is a great way to give them some quiet time again. Hopefully when they meet then they will change their behavior.
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Avoid. Keep your distance from rude people so their behavior can’t affect you on a regular basis. [8] X Research Sources
- This is pretty easy if it’s a stranger, you’ll probably never see them again.
- If you really can’t stand them but have to see them every day, try to limit your contact with them as much as possible. If you can change offices or change other ways to avoid this person, do so and you will not have to face them again. [9] X Research Source
Advice
- Accept that being rude is also a human trait, and you can’t get along with everyone. Remember we all have moments of irrationality, and sometimes we are rude too.
- Don’t see it as your fault. Rudeness is often the result of personal problems or insecurities, which have absolutely nothing to do with you. Even if they vent their anger “on” you, that doesn’t mean they are angry “with” you. So you shouldn’t see their rudeness as your own fault, deal with it objectively.
- Even if you are involved in this behavior and feel offended, try to hold back and know that you can decide whether to let it affect you or not. Remove the impact of that rudeness by making it their problem, not yours. Believe in yourself and your beliefs, don’t let their harsh words affect you.
- Speak softly when responding because you are a polite person and should not say things to get yourself in trouble. This shows that you are a much more mature person, and so will help you maintain your dignity. [10] X Research Source
- Behave against their rudeness: smile, show compassion, and ask if they’re okay. That rudeness could be a call for support, and your kindness could be exactly what they need right now. Try to show empathy instead of wasting energy on their negative words. [11] X Research Source
- Tell only close friends about your confrontation with them. In general, you can release emotional stress, but then you should move on to another topic. Being a generous person in these situations is not to make a big deal, in addition, you should not gossip to spread news to retaliate against them.
- Observe how others deal with them. Chances are you’re not the only one who finds them rude. Observe how others interact with them when they are rude, and if that method of coping works. Then you will have an idea and understand how to handle this rude person. [12] X Research Source
- Don’t make yourself a target for them to continue bullying. Don’t do things that show you want to be rude back to them, because you could get in trouble. Telling their parents can help. Be polite and pray for them. They may realize that the way they treat you is how they feel about themselves.
Warning
- Don’t be petty with rude people. This just shows that what they do is having an impact on you. Besides, if you’re so petty, it’s no different from them!
- Don’t change yourself for them, because it just makes them feel powerful over you. Rude people often play the power game subtly, trying to make you change gradually to please them.
- Do not do anything to escalate the conflict, such as leading to a fight. It’s better to walk away than to try to convince them or treat them downright in retaliation. [13] X Research Source
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This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 17,208 times.
There are bound to be times when you’ll have to deal with a selfish or rude person, maybe it’s a complete stranger at the grocery store, or it’s your roommate or co-worker, there will always be the person who makes you angry. Depending on the situation, you can adopt a number of strategies to deal with rude people. If the person insults you or you have to constantly fight their rudeness, it may be best to confront it directly so it won’t happen again. If they’re total strangers or their rudeness is absurd and not worth your concern, it’s probably best to walk away.
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