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This article was co-written by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 37,543 times.
Being emotionally rejected can be a very painful experience. The person who is rejected often feels the same pain as when experiencing physical pain. [1] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the Source No matter how hurt you feel about being rejected by the guy you’ve asked for love, you can recover from that pain and even come back stronger than before. Learn to react in the present moment, recover from feeling bad about yourself afterward, and focus on other goals in life.
Steps
Reaction at the moment
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Accept his decision. The more you want to convince him to change his mind, the more embarrassing it will be. Avoid arguing with your partner or trying to find a way to make him realize what he’s missing from you. [2] X Research Source
- For example, you should say, “I’m sad that you don’t like me, but I understand and respect your decision.”
- Plus, this will show him that you’re mature and independent.
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Acknowledge your feelings. At first you may feel choked up, not knowing what to ask him. You will feel completely down because you really thought he was the one for you. Maybe you’re mad at him (maybe he made you angry) and need some space. All of these reactions are normal. You need to give yourself permission to feel whatever sensations appear in your body after being rejected. Avoid repressing your feelings for his sake or because you feel you should have a different feeling. You can’t control how you feel, but the best way to work through these emotions is to give them space and let them go. [3] X Research Sources
- Acknowledging feelings does not mean accepting them as fact. For example, you might admit that you feel stupid at the time, but you don’t think you’re really stupid in reality.
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Restore friendship. If you’re both friends, you’ll worry about becoming embarrassed after being rejected by him. This shouldn’t be a problem, especially if you and him are best friends. [4] X Source of Research You can let him know your intentions so that he feels secure instead of being pressured about his decision. Here are some things for you to tell him how you’re feeling:
- “I hope we’re still friends even though you don’t want to go any further.”
- “I need some time, but then would you like to hang out with me as friends?”
- “I don’t want us to feel awkward. I still want to be friends. How about you?”
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Create an exit. If you really suffer from rejection, don’t force yourself to stay there. Please politely use excuses to leave. You can go home and process your feelings at home, or call a girlfriend to confide in. Whatever you do, don’t use him as a shoulder to cry on, because he’s in a state too embarrassed to comfort you.
- If you’re really worried, you can even ask a friend to call you at a certain time, so that if you get really rejected they can “save you”.
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Sincere and sincere. [5] X Source of Research It’s also normal to tell him that you’re feeling down, it will take a while for him to see you again, and any other feelings you may have. This is not the same as asking him to support you emotionally. Being honest with your feelings will show him that you still enjoy communicating with each other and that you respect him enough for him to play a part in your own emotional processing. Besides, because he was honest with you, you should also have a sincere response.
Restore self-esteem
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Ask yourself what you were hoping to get. When we want to start a relationship with someone, it usually means we want something from the other person, like attention, intimacy, and companionship. [6] X Source of Research You need to try to figure out what you were hoping for, and then think about if there is another way to get the same thing.
- For example, do you have a close friend to spend more time together? Is there anyone else who is actually more suitable for these emotional needs? Once you have determined what you need, you can directly address those needs.
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Realize that each situation and each person is unique. Just because one guy rejects you doesn’t mean all the other guys will too. Avoid over-generalizing and thinking that no one likes you just because one person rejected you. Maybe he doesn’t even hate you; Sometimes guys just aren’t ready for a relationship or the timing isn’t right. Avoid making assumptions about your worth just because of one rejection. [7] X Research Sources
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Make a list of the things you love about yourself. When a guy rejects you, it doesn’t say anything about you. It just shows that you two are not compatible. Other guys will appreciate your qualities. You need to make a list of these good traits to remind yourself of your worth and likability. Here are a few possible examples:
- Are you good at cooking?
- Are you confident in yourself?
- Are you financially independent?
- Are you studying something? Do you already have a degree?
- Can you face spiders and insects? Some guys are so scared of them!
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Avoid blaming yourself. [8] X Sources of Research Avoid the tendency to try to figure out “What did you do wrong” or how you are not “good enough”. There will be guys who will accept you for who you are, so don’t think you need to change to be appreciated and loved. If a guy rejects you, he’s not your destiny.
- One misconception that people often make is “personalization”. It is thinking that everything someone does is a response to you personally. You need to avoid thinking one-sidedly about his reaction when you think it is a direct reflection of you and your values. His rejection doesn’t say anything about your worth as a person at all.
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Take pain relievers. This may sound silly, but social rejection triggers a response in the brain similar to physical pain. If you’re experiencing a lot of heartache because of rejection, take acetaminophen (Tylep). This medication cannot completely eliminate pain, but many studies show it helps. [9] X Research Source
- Even so, there is no substitute for reaching out to a support network of friends and family.
- Avoid trying to cope by taking drugs or alcohol. It doesn’t help in the long run.
Focus on other goals
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Continue your studies. Are you in middle school? High school? University? Focus on what really matters in life, like completing your studies and becoming a more informed, competent, and mature person. You will meet good guys on the road of life, but you may not have many opportunities to practice and train yourself.
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Pursue your own goals. Have you always wanted to travel to Europe? Do you want to start an exercise routine? You can distract yourself from the pain of rejection by focusing on the things that matter in your life and make you happy.
- It’s also normal to be depressed for a while. It’s natural to feel sad after being rejected. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you need a few days to recover and regain your confidence.
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Spend time with friends and family. When rejection really hurts us, we should realize that we are part of society. [10] X Research Resources Rebuild relationships with friends. Find and join a community such as a church or reading group. Even joining a chat room helps with self-worth and a sense of social belonging. Being around good people and an active community will make you feel better about being rejected.
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Coping with emotional side effects. Rejection can cause painful, harmful emotions such as anger and aggression. There are many ways for you to process emotions, such as: [11] X Research Source
- Express yourself with words. Journaling is a good idea, or posting in an online forum, or confiding in your best friend.
- Practice deep breathing. One way to calm anger and other intense emotions is to remember to breathe. If you calm your body, your mind will calm down. [12] X Research Source
- See a counselor if you need more help. A psychologist can help you learn how to handle your emotions and develop self-esteem so that rejection won’t be too difficult for you in the future.
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Practice giving up. [13] X Research Source It can often be difficult to get over the guy who turned you down. If you feel haunted or you just can’t get over him, practice these methods to recover quickly and get on with life:
- Write down what makes you attracted to the guy. Is he smart, funny, and cute? Is he a good listener? You need to admit what made you want to be with him.
- Allow yourself to regret the loss of the opportunity, not to date him. You may have envisioned many future experiences with him, but now those things are no longer possible. It’s normal to be sad about that.
- Ask yourself what does not end now. Do you like any other guys? If not, will you need more time to get to know yourself and other relationships? Perhaps you will have more free time to play or fulfill your obligations? Move your imagination to the future instead of mourning the past and what you should have done.
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This article was co-written by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 37,543 times.
Being emotionally rejected can be a very painful experience. The person who is rejected often feels the same pain as when experiencing physical pain. [1] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source No matter how hurt you feel about being rejected by the guy you’ve asked for love, you can recover from that pain and even come back stronger than before. Learn to react in the present moment, recover from feeling bad about yourself afterward, and focus on other goals in life.
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